Chapter 1 - I don't know what's right
I’d been raised as a knight, to fight battles under the name of my lord and never question the commands given. Raids never phased me, not on enemy camps, towns, or even our own villages. If the lord willed it, it would be done.
The blood covering my armour didn’t bother me, it was the necessary stains of victory, bloody smears we shouldered so that the kingdom may prosper. But, as I walked through the castle streets with my fellows, to report our success to the lord, a little girl with bright white hair stumbled out of the crowd towards me.
She handed me a small daisy, a thing so delicate it would crumple under my iron grip. She insisted I take it, with a bright wide smile on her face. Speechless, I took hold of the thing. I didn’t grasp it like I would the hilt of a blade, I simply took it in my hand as gently as I could.
I muttered out a thank you to the girl, still shocked by the strange generosity.
It was later that I thought about the encounter. I recognised that girl. I’d seen her wandering the castle grounds with her parents before. Only a peasant family, one I would normally ignore. But I’d seen that couple today. On the raid, we’d been told to attack one of our own villages, told that the inhabitants were planning to overthrow our lord, that it was for the best of the castle.
I killed the happy couple; I slayed them with my own blade. And that girl, she had no idea. I wonder, what was she doing here at the castle by herself. The innocence in her shining eyes. It haunts me. Knowing what, those poor eyes would soon come to see.
Never before had I faltered in my duties, but as I look at this flower in my hands, still pure and unharmed, tears roll down my cheeks. The blood I had on my armour, it had been cleaned off for a while now. But as I donned it the next day, I still felt the stains upon it.
They weighed upon my very soul.
I cannot trust my lord any longer, I cannot swear my loyalty to his word. All my life I had trusted that what he had told me was right. But I no longer can.
I don’t know what’s right anymore.
But I know that what I’d been told, what I’d done, was wrong, very wrong.
Returning home from yet another raid, I saw that girl again, huddled up between two buildings. I heard the sobbing from the other side of the street. I couldn’t bear it, knowing my actions had taken the bright smile from her face.
I stood there in the road, as my fellow knights walked right past me to the lord’s manor, I contemplated what I’d done. I couldn’t leave it like this, I would never be able to forgive myself.
I approached the sobbing girl, kneeled down next to her and asked her what was wrong.
“It’s gone.” She told me through teary eyes.
“My home, my friends, my mama and papa. Someone burned it all away.”
“What will you do now?” I asked her.
“I don’t know.” She said sniffled quietly through a choked voice. I was silent for a moment. Contemplating my next action. I knew what I was about to do was foolish, that I’d surrender all I had on a whim, but...
“You could come with me.” I offered, extending my hand out to her.
“I’m going to leave on a journey to another land, to find a new home. If you’ve no one else, then I could take care of you.” I knew I couldn’t care for a child whilst in service as a knight, if I died then she would be alone. But if I deserted, I certainly couldn’t stay here. If I was going to take care of the girl, I needed to leave this place. No, I needed to leave no matter what. I couldn’t stomach the man I served anymore.
“Really? You’d let me come along? For nothing?” She looked up to me in shock and disbelief. I nodded in response.
“Thank you, sir knight, thank you so much! You’re a hero!” She almost cheered, wiping away her tears in newfound relief and taking my hand. A hero... no I was the villain in her story. But I don’t want to be one anymore. If I can help this girl, raise her in the stead of her parents. Maybe I’ll one day forgive myself.
For a while I didn’t know what was right, but I think now I’m learning what is.
