Geneva

CHAPTER ONE

Fall out

It would always happen like this. Early morning, the sun just cresting over the horizon, sending crackled shards of sunlight through dew-tipped trees. I would stand there looking out at the fields, the cool frosted air burned my nose as I tried to force my body to slowly take in this sharp, but necessary oxygen. I wait. My fingers begin to tingle. I wait. The fine hairs begin to rise from me skin in anticipation. I wait. Every neutron and synapse begin to set fire to every muscle in my body urging it to move.

Suddenly a large glowing orb began to take over the horizon. My legs sprang into action. I turn and run. Sprinting across the crunchy fall grass, I forget to breathe through my nose and out my mouth. My lungs burn and panic starts to take over. Think! Focus! I tell my body as I willed its survival. I push harder than the sound of my pounding heart. My muscles scream and sweat starts to pool under the black knitted cap that covered my head. I flinch at the searing heat that rushes against my back. Vaguely I hear a voice thunder through the speaker attached to my hip.

“Myles! Myles! Hurry the fuck up! It’s almost on you!”

The voice is both frantic and angry, I ignore it. Responding to it would cause me to lose precious seconds that I didn’t have. The loud, vibrating hum that followed the heat was my final warning. Hell was here. This would not be the first time. This would not be the first sequence. It has been nearly two years since the initial fallout.

“Open the door! Open the door!”, I yell through burning lungs.

Suddenly a door swings up from the ground, sending a spiral of dead leaves into the air to fall whimsically back down. I grunt in amusement. Even with literal death on my back I can still see the absurdity in it all. With safety in sight, I reach deep to make my dive. This was my last hail Mary, and it was gonna hurt like bitch.

I landed, with painful groan, on my shoulder. The bruise would be in good company with the cluster of the same that had already taken up residence on my arm. I lay there unable to move. Through closed eyes I hear a thunder of steps come towards me as the swooshing sound on the orb scorches the ground above us. It was a close call, maybe a little too close this time.

“Damn it Myles! You got a death wish or something?”, Hawke demanded as he yanked me off the floor.

Hawke is the kind of guy you didn’t mess with. At six feet and five inches he towered over most in our small compound. He was military before shit hit the fan. He served his country. After three tours he came back to a cheating wife, a baby that’s not his and a side of PTSD. Talk about trifecta. It broke him, but somehow with the help of his lab, Ernie, and crossword puzzles (of all things) he was able to build himself up again and mend. But that was Hawke. Even here underground he would sprout off constantly about mental health and staying positive even though our circumstances weren’t ideal.

But that was just it. How do I look into those intimidating blue eye and tell him I’m done. I’m done with this whole shit show called life. In the beginning I thought I was one of the luck ones. I survived the first fall out and every other fall out that has happened every six months for the last two fucking years. I’ve walked the same five damn halls, looked at the same fifteen faces, and eaten the same shit food day in and day out. I was twenty-five when everything went down. I played it safe. Kept my nose clean. Worked hard to save money that now held the value of toilet paper in a bank that doesn’t exist anymore. I’m still a virgin for fuck sakes! This ain’t living. Hell, this shit was barely surviving. This was existing.

Hawke yanks my cap off my head, releasing a riot of kinky coils. I brush my hand through my hair and tilt my head back to look into his face.

“What the hell was that back there, Myles?” he demands.

I stare at him. The words that I long to say burn in my throat. Coward. The word bounce around in my mind as it searched for its target. Soon my chest begins to ache. Found it. Ignoring the pain, I jerk the backpack off my shoulder and lift it up like a burnt sacrifice.

“Provisions.” I say giving him a smile that I prayed reach my eyes.

Hawke stared at me. His gaze made me uncomfortable. He could read us all like a book. It was his gift and our curse. Anything that was hidden wouldn’t stay hidden for long. Long seconds ticked by with us in this unrelenting staring contest. Suddenly, Hawke released my gaze to my relief. Taking the bag out of my hand, he straightens to withdraw from me. I let out the breath I was holding.

“Geneva. Office. Now.” He says as he walks away.

Shit-a-dy shit shit shit! First name was not a good sign. This wasn’t good. Sargent Hawke was in full effect and when that happens it bodes well for no one. I turn when I hear muffled laughter coming from table that sat in the middle of our makeshift kitchen. There sat a group of five men: Levi, Wayne, Sinclair, Johnson and the douche of the group Thompson. Before the fall out we had never crossed paths. Even in a city as small as ours there was enough people around that we didn’t have to know one another. Levi, Wayne and Sinclair were with me when the initial fall out had happened. We help each other survive. Johnson and Thompson found us in-between the first and the second. To this day Johnson nor Thompson will talk about that time. Thompson can only be described as a wannabe Guido. Funny thing is he is neither Italian nor from the up North. Thompson is from some bum fuck hick town in South Carolina. I guess he hitched a train to Georgia one day and never looked back.

When he first came, he would talk excessively about his nightclub days in ATL. Back then he was a bouncer at the of those clubs that catered to rappers, reality stars and gold diggers. In that order. Now all that big body was good for was taking up space and using up all the good oxygen. His beady little eyes were now glaring at me with brotherly venom.

“I hope he puts you on latrine duty, bitch.” He snarls at me.

“Whoa, Billy Bob, slow down there; it’s almost like you hate me or something. Where’s all that brotherly love you were just showing the other night?” I say feigning hurt.

“That went out the door when you dumped the last of my alcohol!”

“Man, Thompson, chill. She did you a favor. That last batch was shit.” States Sinclair. Sinclair aka Jeremiah was the peacemaker of the group, but don’t get it twisted, if need be, he could fuck shit up. Thompson grumbled, but he knew not to continue. Sinclair was laid back, but aside from Hawke, what he said goes.

“Well, fellas, I would like to stay and chit chat, but punishment awaits.” I say with a salute.

I love them all, honestly. They are my family, but sometime family isn’t enough. Sometimes the burden of having family makes everything seem worst. The obligation of it all can feel like a noose around your neck. With each obligation is noose gets tighter and tighter. I’m struggling against this noose, and I know it seem dramatic. I KNOW its dramatic, but somethings got to give.

I knock on the door before entering Hawke’s office.

“Hey, Boss. Wanted to see me?” I say as I close the door behind me. The “office” was a room of makeshift office furniture with shelves and books against the wall. Toward the far end of the room sat a heavy wooden desk that looked like a throwback from the 1980’s. On it sat an old brass lamp and had a green glass lampshade. Thanks to the generators that Johnson had modified to be solar powered, the compound was fully electric. Off to the left of the room was a tattered old brown leather sofa. Spending many a night on it, I can comfortably say it’s one of the best places a girl can get a good nights’ sleep.

Hawke looks up from the table. His long dark brown hair is pull messily back in a bun. Looking at him curiously I realized that had it not been for the scar that ran from is chin and into his cheek he would be considered handsome. Hawke gestures for me to sit on the sofa and walks toward me.

“What’s going on Geneva?”

“Hmm?”

“Cut the shit. Talk to me.”

“Hawke I really don-.”

“Geneva, I know what you’re doing. And don’t look confused. This isn’t the first time that you’ve cut it close, but it is the first time you almost didn’t make it. You can’t keep taking those risks. I need you to understand how important you are to us. We are a family and…”

Hawke’s voice became muffled. The noose begins to tighten around my neck. Tighter and tighter. As I fight for air, the fire that’s been simmering in my gut threatens to ignite into a blaze. Oh no…I’m about to lose my shit in front of Hawke! Ok, body focus! Please! Focus! I try to give myself a peep talk; to turn off the panic. My ears began to ring. This was one of the reasons I try not to be alone with him. Him and his damn gift had the power to break my resolve and have me folded in fetal position, crying like a baby.

Then it happens. This weakness takes over and I feel myself break. I feel two cool large hands on each side of my face, bringing back from the brink. He didn’t let me break, though some parts of me did crack in that moment. In this moment I was something I fought to never be. I was frail. And I hated myself even more for it. “Breathe, Myles. Just breathe.” I hear his gentle instruction and I comply. I let his soft administrations give me temporary solace. I can be embarrassed and berate myself for this later, but for now I will just breathe.

It takes several minutes for either of us to find our voice. “How long has this been happening?”

I lift my head from his shoulder. “Would you believe me if a said this was the first time?”, I joke. He wraps is arms around me and hugs me tight. Without words he knows the real answers. Maybe it’s because he’s been where I’m at. Maybe sometimes he also feels caged in. I don’t know, but I accept the embrace and the love behind it. With a sigh he stands both of us up. “Come. I want to show you something.”

“What is it?”

He digs into a bag and pulls out a metal sphere that’s been methodically pieced together. I looked at him, waiting for an explanation. He gives me a small smirk, “Freedom.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~