Briana

“Brie, did you know?” Giselle asks, coming into the private dance room at the dance studio. We keep a private dance room for pole dancing out of sight from the younger children who are enrolled in ballet classes. Pole dancing is something I have perfected from dancing at the Doll House since I was eighteen when I moved out of my mother’s trailer.

The Doll House is a dance club Giselle and I worked at before moving to Las Vegas with Jaden and Nate. The only exception is that Giselle lives with Nate and I live in one of Jaden’s apartments. According to Jaden and Nate, Jaden has a troubled past and does not like to talk about it. He is very private and refuses to allow anyone in his house except for Nate. Even me. I have never been to Jaden’s house. I guess we all hide our demons.

Holding the metal pole with both hands steadying myself in the six-inch heels I’m wearing, I ask Giselle, “Hear what?”

Even if I’m not dancing at the club anymore in our hometown, I give lessons to those that want to learn the art of pole dancing. I also help market the dance studio for Giselle and assist her with signing her students up for classes. Instead of dancing for money, I instruct people while attending college. Giselle being a Juilliard graduate, teaches ballet and performs monthly at the Las Vegas Center of Performing Arts.

Nate loves her so much he bought her the dance studio so she can live her dream and keep dancing and teaching the art of ballet. I’m so happy for them both in finding each other. I can also say the same for me, I found Jaden. Other than Giselle, he is the only other person I love in this world.

“I was just talking to Nate over at the gym and he broke the news that Jaden is going pro. He’s going to fight.” She gets closer in her dance outfit, closing the door so no one can hear our conversation. “Didn’t he tell you?”

Shaking my head with worry, I want to feel excited and see the excitement on Giselle’s face but she is also curious that I didn’t know. “He didn’t mention anything to me this morning or last night.”

Why didn’t he tell me? I thought we didn’t keep secrets about our plans but maybe he didn’t know how I would react. He is very passionate about the sport and managing the gym.

For Jaden, failure is not an option. It is why he is the most sought out manager in the sport of MMA. Any fighter would do anything to have Jaden Cyprus manage them.

Jaden was brought up in the foster system with Nate. They both have made a fortune and quite the name for themselves. A rag to riches story. The underdogs gone pro.

“Well, knowing Jaden and how private he is, I’m not surprised. Has he taken you to his house yet?” she asks, lowering the tone of her voice, not wanting anyone to overhear our conversation if they happen to walk inside the dance studio.

Giving her a deflated look, knowing it’s one of the things I have been secretly hoping for when he would finally let me in. Literally. “No,” I tell her.

Even as I say the two-letter word, I know I haven’t pressed the issue with him letting me stay at his house. His main home is like a panic room and only Nate is allowed inside. He landed in the foster care system because his parents were inhumane and abused him but no one, not even Nate, knows the details. He is closed off and doesn’t let anyone inside his home. It’s probably why he insisted on having me live in the apartment. He stays with me most nights unless he has a fight to attend with Nate or another engagement or he is training late, which has been the norm for the last six months. Now thinking about it, he has been planning to go pro sooner than I thought and never hinted it to me.

Giselle places her hands on her hips, clearly annoyed that he hasn’t taken me to his house or even discussed his future plans with me. Jaden is comfortable with the arrangement of me living in the apartment and not allowing me inside his personal living space, and personally, I can understand.

I also come from a horrible past of neglect and abuse. Except mine was the sexual kind. The not providing food or acceptable clothing always being threatened with eviction kind. The kind of abuse that involves your mother being so high she can’t speak coherently or remember a single thing the next day. There were times I had to use a neighbor’s garden hose to take a shower in the middle of the night because she was too high to work and didn’t have enough money to pay the utilities. My mother is a heroin addict and would sell me for her next hit if she could. She doesn’t remember who my father is either. It could have been anyone. A drug dealer. The neighbor living in the trailer next door. My father literally could have been anyone from my neighborhood and I wouldn’t have known. Luckily, her drug use and her involvement with Jack landed her in jail for some time.

“That’s fucked up, Brie. Are you serious?”

My hands slide down the metal pole in defeat. “Yeah, it doesn’t matter, Giselle. He told me that maybe one day, but that day hasn’t come. And I’m not going to pressure him. I totally understand. If he doesn’t feel comfortable letting me in that part of his life. Then I have to accept it. It goes both ways.”

“You mean it’s convenient for you because you don’t have to tell him everything you have been through. Things you never told me. The only way I found out—”

I interrupt her. “Please don’t say it,” I whisper, my eyes pleading. Her being raped by Jack, my mother’s drug dealer, because I asked her to come with me to help my mother was all my fault. It’s a knife that is stuck twisted inside my heart because I know I’m the one to blame. She was never supposed to be there, and I almost lost her.

If it wasn’t for Nate and Jaden, I don’t know where we would have ended up. They got us out of South Dakota and vowed to protect us like our guardian angels. Well, maybe like gatekeepers of hell. I was getting beat up while they made me watch. I wake up in cold sweats reliving that moment along with every other dark moment from my past. No one knows that I have flashbacks when I sleep or that sometimes I like when Jaden doesn’t come home late at night to have him witness my nightmares. She is right. It is convenient for me to not have him invite me to live with him inside his home or sleep over. What if he witnessed a nightmare and finds out what really happened to me?

Her eyes soften because I have expressed my regret about what happened, asking her to get involved in helping me clean up my mess with my mother. Giselle was just trying to help me out when my mother asked me to give her money or Jack and his miscreants would hurt her. All that did was channel their attention on us.

“I’m sorry, Brie. I didn’t mean to bring it up. I…”

My eyes fill with tears, and one escapes running down my cheek as my hand begins to shake holding the shiny silver pole. The memories of that fateful day replaying in my mind. The tears only come in front of her or when I’m alone in the apartment where I try to shed my sorrow.

When the nightmares come, I lie crying in the dark, hoping the demons stop reminding me of the pain. Hoping they have mercy on me.

She hugs me and my arms wrap around her while I try to keep my tears at bay. “It still hurts, Giselle. I’m so sorry. A part of me died that night,” I say, whispering into her embrace.

“I know, Brie. I know.” She steps back, wiping my cheeks and I give her a watery smile, trying to compose myself to face Jaden and congratulate him. He needs my support, not my whining about him not telling me.

Taking off my heels and pulling sweats over my dance outfit, I slide my feet into a pair of pool slides and open the door. “Let’s go and congratulate him. He must be so excited. I remember him telling me that he would fight when Nate was ready for a break.”

“Yeah, Nate said he was taking time off, switching roles with Jaden. He needs it. Jaden is going into the heavyweight class.” My eyes widen while we lock the door of the dance studio to head over to the gym.

“Heavyweight?” I lift my blonde locks and wrap them in a bun on top of my head. “He will have to gain weight and that means he will get bigger.”

“That’s what I said. It adds more pressure to the training.”

“Shit. I can’t believe he is actually doing it. It has been his dream to go pro. He can fight. I have seen him sparring with Nate and the other fighters.” My brows pinch in worry and I sigh. “I just worry about him getting hurt.”

Giselle snakes her arm through mine as we walk across the plaza toward the freestanding MMA gym. “It’s something I have gotten used to. I’m the one cleaning the blood off the bedroom sheets.”

“Maybe if I’m patient and supportive, Jaden will want me to help him. I want to be there for him and support him like he has supported me. I love him, Giselle.”

I am more than halfway done with becoming a physical therapist for combat fighters. It is what I’ve wanted to do since meeting Jaden. I have been working toward a degree and physical therapy would fit in so well in helping him out with the gym and even the dancers at Giselle’s studio.

“Does he know? Have you told him how you feel?”

“Not really. We just take it a day at a time. No pressure.” The sex is great but it’s not vanilla sex. With Jaden, it’s hard sex. He’s never hinted at a marriage proposal or that we are in a serious relationship, he hasn’t said any of those words and we both respect our boundaries. We also don’t see other people and I understand him. I think all these things in my head but I don’t say them out loud to Giselle.

“Brie, you need to talk to him. You should be honest with him and let him know how you feel. One thing I’ve learned being with Nate is that you have to communicate with each other. If you don’t, things get mixed up. Then the worst happens. You assume.”

My steps falter as we approach the entrance to the massive gym. Before I open the door, I answer, “We’ll see.”

When we enter the gym, the smell of musk and sweat hits my senses. We both walk side by side, passing the desk where Charlie greets us with a smile. “Hello ladies.”

“Hey Charlie. Do you know where Brie can find Jaden?” He points at the door to his office, but his eyes look at me with a frown on his face.

“He is having a meeting with his massage therapist.”

Massage therapist? When did Jaden hire a massage therapist?

Looking at Charlie with a confused expression, I pinch my brows and head toward his office. What is so important that he needs a meeting with his massage therapist that involves having the door closed.

Leaving Giselle with her eyebrows raised next to Charlie, I march toward the door to Jaden’s office. I open the door without knocking. Because, why the fuck not? I am his girlfriend, and I don’t deserve to be shut out. I obviously haven’t been included in his plans. I’m the last to know that he is going pro and now I’m the last one to know he has a massage therapist.

When I walk into the office, barging in, I stop in my tracks. “What the fuck?” My eyes widen and my heart sinks. There is a petite blonde with her hands all over Jaden’s broad shoulders while his shirt is off. She glances in my direction, leaving both hands on his shoulders, caressing his skin. My eyes stare at them both, hiding the emotion that is burning inside me. My stomach clenches when the petite blonde gives me a smirk while I cross my hands over my chest.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask, seething in rage. Massage therapist, my ass.

He quirks a brow. “Have you heard of knocking? I’m having a session and meeting with my therapist, Janine.”

“I didn’t know that your girlfriend had to knock,” I say sarcastically. “I also wasn’t aware that you even hired a massage therapist, and I also didn’t know that you were going to begin fighting.”

The blonde continues to rub her hands all over his muscles and I’m about to go Chun Li on her ass.

“Does this hurt?” she says softly. My eyes zero in on his hand as he places it over hers gently.

“Give me a second, sweetheart,” he tells her. My stomach plummets at how soft his voice is with her compared to how he responded to me when I opened the door.

“If you are sore or in pain, a physical therapist is what you need. Not a massage.”

He lifts his head and a side of Jaden I only see when he talks with his fighters makes an appearance. “Brie, that is why I don’t like women in my gym unless they are training.” I flinch like I have been struck. “It’s a distraction and right now, one I can’t afford. I appreciate your concern, but Janine is handling my needs just fine. Just because you’re going to school to be a physical therapist doesn’t mean you know what is best for me. You have barely just finished your undergrad degree and have not begun the main program.”

He doesn’t even realize that I am way past that. I am in the first year of the doctorate part of the program.

I tilt my head and lean my back against the doorjamb. “What kind of needs?” I ask.

He scoffs. “Needs you can’t help me with. Does that answer your question?” he sighs. “Look, I’m sorry. I can’t have you interfering with my training or any session that involves fighting. It’s not going to work.”

The tears behind my eyes burn the back of my eyelids like acid. Is he for real? Is he fucking her? Is he trying to break it off with me because he feels like I’m a distraction? Glancing at Janine, she gives me a predatory smile that he can’t see because she is standing behind him.

“Are you two fucking?” I blurt. Janine gasps but looks like she is guilty.

His head snaps in my direction. He sighs. “No. We are not fucking.”

“We used to date. That was before I got my license,” she chimes in.

I purse my lips and all the air feels like it has escaped my lungs. It is like I can’t breathe. They used to be together, and he called her. Hired an ex-girlfriend or whatever she was to him.

“Is that right? I wasn’t even talking to you,” I say, giving her a hard glare. My gaze falls back on Jaden’s annoyed expression. “So, I’m supposed to sit here and accept this? I have no say?” I point my finger back and forth between them. “Do you think this is funny, Jaden?”

In a flash, he rises out of his chair and gets in my face. My heart constricts because I’m madly in love with him and he is treating me like I’m being unreasonable. Deep down, I know he is shutting me out because it’s what I do when I want someone to leave. It suddenly dawns on me, he wants me to leave. Not the gym. He wants me out of his life. He doesn’t love me. My hands begin to shake because I sense it in the pit of my stomach. He wants me to get mad and act rash, so he won’t feel guilty when he ends it.

Some of the fighters approach from training near the cage but keep their distance. They see him cornering me and I’m about to cower, but my pride won’t allow it. Memories from my past flash in my mind when I would be cornered in my room from being dragged from my small bed, but I keep them at bay. This is Jaden. I’m not supposed to be scared of him. He promised to always protect me.

“No, this is not funny. This is me telling you that you can’t come inside the gym. This is me telling you that I don’t need you accusing me and embarrassing yourself.”

“You want me to leave,” I whisper. The tears that have pooled on my lower eyelids threaten to spill as my vision blurs.

His nostrils flare and two stubborn tears burn down my cheeks. When my vision clears, his gray eyes are hard as steel.

My eyes see the tic of his jaw. His teeth are clenched when he says, “Yeah, I want you to get the fuck out.”

Looking around, everyone is looking at me like I’m an intruder. My hands tremble but I squeeze them together and swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.

“Come on, man. Don’t do her like that,” one of the fighters named Jake says.

Jaden points at him while still staring at me with a heartless expression. “Stay out of it, Jake,” he warns.

“Bastard,” Giselle says with a hard edge to her voice. My eyes find hers and she glances at me and a secret message passes between us. A silent communication in a language only made for us, created by us. What is left of me is breaking. My heart and every feeling I had inside, diminishing into the darkness that lives inside of me. A suit of impenetrable armor taking over inside of me.

“Brie,” Giselle calls out.

My eyes are still trained on hers and she knows. She knows I’m getting lost. Every man I have ever come across hurts me in some way or another. I thought the exception was Jaden. He promised to protect me. He would whisper it every time we were together in bed. He wants to be free of me. There is no use or need for me in his life. No girl wants to find the man that she loves and trusts in a closed room getting a massage from one of his ex-flames. Out of all the massage therapists he could have hired, why her? The answer is staring right in my face. He doesn’t care about me or how I would feel about it because he doesn’t love me.

“Crying over dumb shit is what will get me hurt inside the cage. I can’t risk it.”

Nate walks up behind Giselle and maybe he sees the look on my face even if he can’t figure out what’s going on inside my head because he says, “Jaden, don’t.”

Jaden gives me a cold, hard stare before his eyes turn like molten steel before he delivers the final blow to my heart.

“Janine, get my shirt. Let’s go to lunch.”

She walks over and hands him the shirt with a coy smile. Pushing myself off the molding of the door, I slip away from his proximity, walking out of his life without another word.

All I take with me is the pain.