Chapter One
-Wells-
I slammed the door of my bedroom and pulled a small end table in front of it. I was breathing deeply trying to catch my breath but nothing worked, it felt like I was running out of air. Standing in our room and looking around at the space we used to share, there used to be so much love here. It was only my love though. He was never capable of loving someone other than himself.
The photos on the walls used to bring me joy but as I look at them now I see the truth. I was a woman wearing a mask telling the world I was happy and they all chose to believe it.
The house shook and I heard a scream bellow through the house. He was here and I had no way out. I looked around to find a way out. I went to open the window but when I got to it they were solid glass. I tried to break it but everything I threw shattered like the glass should have.
I hear footsteps thumping through the house causing the floors to shutter. I ran into the bathroom locked the door behind me and climbed into the tub.
’WELLS OPENED THE DOOR” he yells.
I’m too scared to move. All I could do was stand hoping the bedroom door could keep him out, I knew what he would do if the door didn’t hold. The handle shook and turned back and forth. I head the wood splinter.
″WELLS! ”
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEP BEEEP*
I’ve lived in Orgon for two years now and yet that night still haunts me. I know I’m safe but these nightmares always lead to a panic attack. I looked around trying to ground myself like my therapist had taught me.
I ghosted her, not her fault she was great but I feel like I don’t need to talk about it anymore. Dwelling only made it feel more recent. Time can heal some things.
okay, 5 things I can see. umm, my dresser, my dirty laundry on the floor, the candle I should have blown out last night, my elephant plant, and my phone. Oh shit, it’s already six I need to get up.
Forgetting the rest of the grounding I threw myself out of bed and stumbled over to my dresser to find something to wear.
I quickly glanced out the window, unfortunately, it was STILL raining so no dresses. I hate getting the hem wet especially if it rubs against my ankles. Normally I don’t mind the rain if anything I enjoy it. I just don’t love having to walk to work in cold rain.
When I first moved here I sold my car to get the money for the apartment I’m in now. It was close enough to where I had gotten a job I didn’t think I’d need it.
I only live 10 minutes away from work. It’s just down the road, no biggie, It’ll be my daily workout. Gosh if I could kick my past self.
I grabbed my denim overalls, dug for my green turtleneck sweater, and found a mismatched pair of socks. I quickly threw it on and rushed to the bathroom.
Glancing at myself in the mirror, I can tell last night’s dream took more than just a mental toll on me, between having to relive that night in my sleep and staying up late reading, I am not looking lively. Starring at my freckle-covered face the dark circles under my eyes had grown bigger and the worry line between my eyebrows was overly visible today. Turning my attention to my hair. It stood pointing in different ways like it had a goal of its own. I am constantly losing the battle of keeping my frizzy brown hair at bay. I don’t have the time to give it any love this morning, I got my hands wet and ran my fingers through it quickly.
That will have to do for now. I still need to eat before I go.
I turned to the kitchen and glanced around at the nearly empty pantry and fridge for anything to eat.
“Man whoever was in charge of the shopping last week here sucks”
I continue to talk to myself as I grab the jar of cold coffee from the fridge and a bowl of dry cereal. Once I finish shoveling it all into my mouth I not so gently set the bowl and cup in the sink.
I’ll hate myself for that after work
I grabbed my docs from the doorway and pulled them on quickly before I started digging through my entry closet to find an umbrella. I pulled everything out and flipped almost all my bags upside down. There was no umbrella to be found. Thankfully the rain was starting to let up. Let’s just hope it holds out the whole walk to work.
Starting down the sidewalk I glance around the little town I’ve been calling home. The houses were lined with picket fences and happy gardens next to dorm houses for older students and families attending the college. A little way up there was the main strip of town, there were shops and a few restaurants.
The college up the road keeps the area lively and the shops busy enough. I enjoyed it so much more than when I lived in Chicago.
I honestly never thought I would move away from everything I had there, but it ended up being the happiest choice I made for myself in a long time, I couldn’t see myself going back.
The rain started picking up just as I reached the shop.
Earth and Root, is a herbal shop that sells tinctures, oils, teas and so much more. Tom and his wife Jenny are the owners they are the sweetest couple. Jenny is small and thin with sliver hair reaching her hips. She loves to wear long colorful dresses and shalls that match. Tom stood nearly a foot over me and probably weighed double. Think Santa but a stoner. He was always wearing flannels and cargo pants. They were willing to take a chance on a strange girl from out of town and gave me a job. Since then they have been like family to me.
The bell on the door chimed as I opened the large teal door. Once inside I set bags down next to the counter and flicked the lights on. Luca the shop cat climbed out of his hammock by the window and lazily walked over to me to get his belly scratched. I took my time giving him some love. I then moved on to fill his bowl and continue opening the shop.
It’s a quiet day so I worked on restocking shelves and hanging herbs and flowers to dry. I couldn’t help but think about my dear last night. It’s not the first time I’ve had that dream, but they are becoming more frequent with the anniversary coming up. Every time it gets closer I feel an impending doom that he’ll find me again--
My thoughts were interrupted by the bell ringing. A customer walked in, he was an older gentleman who looked tired and like he hadn’t slept well in days. He was dressed in a gray suit that looked like he had been wearing it for days.
″Hello, can I help you find anything today?″
″Mhh no, I’m just looking around town,″ he responded in a tired grumbly tone.
″Okay hun, I will be in the back quick if you need anything just holler, I’m Wells by the way.″
He just nods and walks around the store for a few minutes, glancing at the shelves and then back to me. His behavior was odd but not completely unexpected, people from out of town visiting family tend to pop in and out quite often. The store is unique but can be a little odd to newcomers.
Even after he left I noticed him walking up and down the main strip keeping his eye on the shop occasionally. I tried not to give it much thought but I did try to keep my eye on him when I noticed.
Tom and Jenny have to pop in and help with restocking the back, tending to the tinctures, and of course giving Luca cuddles. If business is going slow enough they will let me leave early and close up the shop themselves. Today was one of those days. Jenny shoos me out the door telling me to enjoy my free time and to be safe and to have too much fun. She gave me a final smooch on the cheek and shoved me out the door.
With the rest of my day off I skipped over to Steamy Brews coffee shop, it’s just three stores down and across the street from where I worked. My dear friend Maddie is the manager there and I spend most evenings helping her close up or just sit around and eat the rest of the food from the display case.
Maddie is a saint and she looks like an angel. She is tall and blond, with perfect skin. She always has a smile on her face. When I first moved here I would come in early and get a small black coffee and ask for day-old bread. It was all I could afford then, I was only working part-time for Tom and Jenny and they didn’t pay well then. Maddie offered to let me open and close some nights to help make ends meet and it led to her giving me rides home after work. Now she is one of my favorite people in the world.
″Hey, girly″ She walks over and eguflfs me in a hug.
″An older guy came in asking about the shop a while ago. He said he was looking for something for a client, did he manage to find his way there?″
″Yeah, but he didn’t actually buy anything, or say much of anything either. He must not have seen what he needed there,″ I shrugged.
The topic quickly changed and we continued talking as we closed up the coffee shop, I told her that my dreams of that night were back again. She knew everything about what had happened to me before I moved here it was one of the reasons she gave me rides home. She said I was a jumpy chihuahua that she “just couldn’t let walk alone”.
Maddie is big into dream readings and what they really mean. I always go to her about them. She agreed that it is coming up more cause the anniversary was this month.
Once we finished cleaning and taking the garbage out we went to Mad’s apartment for dinner. She only lives a few blocks away from me so it makes the walk home easier, and if the weather is bad she’ll give me a ride home. She claims it’s the only reason I still help her after work. It’s not the only reason, but it certainly makes it more appealing.
″You need to get a car, what are you gonna do if it snows? Oregon gets cold too you know,″ she said laughing.
″Not nearly as cold as Chicago, I think a ten-minute walk won’t kill me. plus if I’m so desperate I’ll just call my personal taxi service.″
That comment got me a glare and a slap on the arm, followed by giggles. Maddie and I continued talking while we made dinner. This is how we spend most of our nights, eating food at either of our houses and spending the evenings talking or helping each other with work projects. We even do each other’s laundry. We’ve talked about getting a place together but our leases don’t line up so one of us would have to pay double for half a year or we would have to share a small bedroom.
By the time we were both done chatting it had gotten dark and I needed to get home. She offered to drive me home since it was later but I refused. The rain had let up a while ago and it was a nice cool night. I didn’t mind the short walk, it’ll hopefully clear my head for tomorrow.
Once I started walking I felt a bit uneasy, like I was being watched. This is a nice town and the people are kind but let’s be honest, when it’s dark all corners and alleyways can be scary. Especially when you are an anxious girly like me.
Laughing at myself for overthinking I brushed it off assuming I was still feeling the effects of my dream last night. I already wasn’t looking forward to falling asleep but now that I let the creepy thought into my mind a restful night seemed far away. I decided to do my best, wipe the thoughts from my mind, and focus on the beautiful walk home. Once I got my front door I was more than ready for bed. I showered quickly got into a comfy sweatshirt and climbed into bed covering myself in layers of blankets. Thankfully peaceful sleep found me.
The next few days go smoothly, I haven’t had a nightmare since Wednesday. Mads and I both have the weekend off so she decided we need to go shopping today for my apartment. She is always picking on me for having so little decorations in my apartment. To my defense, it is a VERY little apartment, so it is hard to find decor that will fit and not be in the way.
Mads lets herself in carrying our coffee order and makes herself at home in the kitchen. I was still trying to find something to wear when she walked in and
″ I love that dress on you! You have to wear it somewhere other than work,″
″ The big apron that you wear with it is always covering the flowers.″
″ The whole point of that big apron is to keep this dress looking nice. Sorry that your job ruins all your clothes.″ I add with a snarky laugh.
She as usual looks stunning in a Blue sweater, that matches her eyes and denim bell-bottom jeans. I quickly grab the dress out of my closet, it’s a floor-length, orange, and red floral dress. The sleeves are big and flowy but sinch in at the writs. It has a very casual princess feel to it. I grab a pair of knit tights and put on my black loafers with it.
We grab our coffees and jackets then are off to the shops around town. We aim for any second-hand stores first and window shop at the fancy bouquets. We have had slight success finding me a terracotta-colored shag rug for the living room and a lamp for my bedroom. Maddie on the other hand had bags filled with clothes and decor for her place. She is a maximalist to the max.
We drop my stuff at my house and then head to hers to practically refurnish it. As we finish putting her finds and hanging her clothes away my phone chimes a few times.
Hey, Kiddo, Jenny and I have that new wine vendor coming by the shop on Monday. We need you to be there an hour earlier so you can let them in and go over the products. You might have to help him set up, the delivery guy has a bad back. Good luck love you kid.\
No problem, I’ll call if there’s any trouble did you send the invoice or will I need to write a check?
No check needed. Jenny did the bank thing earlier.
Tom is the least tech-savvy man I know. I’m always shocked when he texts me. Normally he’ll just leave notes around the shop or have Jenny call me. Thankfully I have enough notice about going in early on Monday so it won’t be terrible.
I spent the rest of my weekend reading and watching movies in my jammies. Unfortunately, even when I tried my best to move on in life and keep my mind busy and happy I always float back to that place.
Once it got dark my mind kept wandering there, to that night. Actually, I kept overthinking the whole relationship and how it got so bad so fast.
Ian was so kind and doting when we first met. He was a little taller than me, thin, and had those eyes that I thought looked at me with love but it wasn’t it was obsession.
We met when I was a bartender at a little dive bar right outside of Chicago and he was working construction on a new neighborhood. He came in with his buddies every night and tipped very well. To be honest with you that was the only reason I gave the time day at first, nothing about him seemed right to me but after becoming a regular and flirting on and off he asked me to go out with him sometime. We went to a movie and after that, we just fell into the relationship flow with each other. I can’t even recall when it all got so blurry. We never discussed anything I just started staying there and then shorty I started calling into work because he didn’t like me working at the bar where another man could have my time. All of a sudden I was fully dependent on him I didn’t have a job or a house, and my friends stopped talking to me because I couldn’t leave the house without him calling me constantly. I still thought it was love but I couldn’t have been more wrong about it all.
I knew sitting and thinking about it all too much would make me spiral but I was stuck. I decided wine and reading till I fell asleep might help. I guess I fell asleep at one point, but drunken sleep still couldn’t keep him away.
