LAMENTED (Intended Series Book 1)

The diary of an unknown!

20/5/2017

They say it was impossible to read women's minds. But here I'm pouring my mind on these pages.

I cannot help it.

When my condition was getting worse, my therapist suggested that I should write down my thoughts. So here I am, filling my secret book with them, especially the ones that bother me and make me anxious.

And right now I have one!

‘A woman!’

I can see her house from mine and am well aware of the activities there. Because she had my senses wrapped up around her.

It's been a few weeks; a new family moved here, to our small town. A single woman with her two children, a house next across the street.

Just the sight of that woman is a blow in my gut. She is everything a woman needs, and-- what a man desire!

Knowing George very well, an unknown restlessness crept up in my stomach. I can imagine a few upcoming nasty possibilities if she stayed. And all my worries centred there.

Is that insecurity?

She has a job, mostly keeping it to herself, not much of a sociable either. But today I found George and Mr. Gilbert talking to her. Bitter suspicion sprouted in my heart.

So, it started! Now, I hated that woman to the core. Why not, the lady has a figure to die for.

Her son hardly stayed at home. Now her daughter studies in the city, only visiting once a week.

• Today was the third time I found George lingering outside our home. And I know why!

Bitterness grew and spread in my nerves, but I pretended not to notice. But all my senses were stuck on that house, and… her!

•Today another car came to drop her off, a posh sleek black car. A middle-aged man got out of the car. And I got a reason to hate her... More. They spoke for a while, laughing, and he left. Of course, she has a man, but spare mine.

All his youth, George had been like a bee that was attracted to new things, fresh, tender and beautiful ones... Like... Her!

And I didn't miss that twinkle in his eyes. My blood pressure kept switching during all these occurrences.

• Cindy; Mrs Gilbert, visits me today. She isn't happy about the wretched woman either. See, I am not making it at all.

• Today, I woke up early, only to find her in jogging clothes. Isn't she fit already? Does she need to win the Ms World pageant?

Soon, I have a pounding headache, a bad day indeed. I found myself looking in the mirror, comparing myself with her. I felt sad, angry, disturbed, and disgusted. I don't know by whom; her or me?

My heart aches.

• Today I found the same car that dropped her the other day. And this time the man accompanied her inside her house.

I have been often glued to the west window, noticing the movement in the house. The man left at 10 in the night. I knew it, and I pictured a thousand bothersome possibilities in my mind.

And I didn't fail to fill in every single detail to Cindy. It's like the soothing balm, converting my thoughts and assumptions into my truth, and it's bliss when they believe it all.

Now, George wants to go for a jog. Again, that never happened in the 22 years of my life with him.

I don't know how hard I stopped myself from yelling at him.

He seriously thinks I don't notice. They all are the same, they believe we are dumb housewives they can easily fool with.

• Yesterday night that same man came to take her out. She was looking gorgeous, in her black dress. And that nasty ache in my stomach returned in a double force.

I want her gone, want her to be the worst human being, the one who everyone hates.

• George continues trying to fool me. Now he wants to water the garden, and suddenly there is a problem in the network inside the house, especially at the time of her arrival.

He even met her daughter who visited the weekend. I felt like crying and breaking everything around me or just her.

• Cindy invited me to a tea party. She had two of her friends as guests, this time. And the hot topic was the nasty lady. It's a small town, nothing will go unnoticed.

I didn't hesitate to fill them in about the story; the story that I created, where she was the villain! Well, they don't need to know that, do they?

With their shocking faces, surprise, and eagerness to know more about her from me, it felt like I was the centre of attraction there.

Each curse and confirmation from them calmed my burning heart to some point.

And I know by the end of the week the spark I started will spread like wildfire. They will do the rest of the work. And I want that.

• And the group got bigger and bigger. I was noticing more than anyone. So I have more news every time. Because it's not just my eyes but my mind that is watching her.

Sometimes, I don't need to see her but create the scene in my mind. By now I understood, they all want spice, a drama in someone's life, to thrill their boring time. None of them would bother to check the reality. And it boosted me.

The last ounce of hesitation left me, and I'm freely weaving her character to the town. And the town does the rest of the job tainting her. Because, I gave their useless mind, curious ear and a nasty tongue, a topic; a job.

Now, I am a star. I have something to do. And I love it.

• One morning I found her stressed and rushing inside the house. She seemed severely troubled. That whole day she didn't come out of the house. And the same man dashed inside later. And they spent the whole day inside.

• Two days later she left for work, no makeup, she looked paler. And she didn't look at anyone, not even George who was watering the plants with the usual motive.

Cindy told me, that there were rumours in the town that some woman was accusing a nasty lady-- of being of bad character, on her face. And that she should leave the town.

My heart danced happily.

• A month rolled by, and I hardly spotted her. Did she move in with that man? Will she leave?

George was becoming moody later, and my mouth twitched every time watching him that way. It's tremendously satisfying.

• Today, I spotted a big truck outside her house. My heart fluttered with joy.

They are moving! Finally.

All the aches disappeared instantly, like magic. Cindy was super happy and called for a special tea party.

……..

……..

• It's been a month, and I have nothing to write. I am blank,

• Another week has passed. I am not at my best. I am back to square one. All the medications that my therapist reduced, doubled now. I have nothing to think about, to watch, to note, to say, and to curse.

We hardly had any tea parties in a few months.

Nothing excites me, the two houses next to ours were fenced, and the opposite one had an old couple living, and the next one was Gilbert's house.

• Today, I got the news that her house was bought by the Mayor himself. On cue, a bunch of men were found tearing most of the house walls.

That lost excitement was back again...!

(IMP: The character above isn't the main lead, nor related to any characters in the book. She wont appear throughout the story, but she is the one who initiates the entire tale.

To start; she developed a mental disorder, with Delusion, Confabulation, Depression, and Insecurity, which led her to fabricate things for her comfort. But the common sin, the society nurtures; Gossip, worsen it for someone. They believed it; acted on it, and fought for the wrong and won.

But who took the hit?

This story is about the person, who was shattered by this, also the one, who thought she's the reason for that disaster. About her Lamenting. About that one chance the fate provides, to right the wrong.

Read the chapter notes below.