There's Something in the Light

I start to giggle at the dinner table in front of Mommy and Daddy. We are having spaghetti and meatballs. It's my favorite!

“What’s so funny, Lu-Lu?” Mommy asks. She smiles at me happily. She likes it when I am happy.

“The lights said something funny,” I giggle, even though I’m actually scared. I know lights are not supposed to talk. I don’t understand why it started talking to me.

“What do you mean, the lights said something funny? Lights don’t talk, honey,” Daddy says.

“I know, Daddy. Lights aren’t alive. That’s why it's funny. The lights say that Daddy has a gun in his safe in the office. They told me the numbers are…” I focus really hard on the numbers the light told me. I remember, “72, 103…” I concentrate on the last number. “And 41,” I giggle again because I’m scared. “They told me to get the gun out of the safe and play with it.”

Mommy and Daddy look white and nervous. Their eyes are really big, and Daddy has that funny vein popping out of the side of his head he gets when he says he is stressed.

I giggle some more. I giggle because I don’t understand what is going on. I giggle because I’m nervous. Did I do something wrong, and Mommy and Daddy are mad at me?

Sometimes at school, some boys pick on me. They get mad at me because I do things differently than them. I giggle then, too. That seems to make them madder, and they yell at me to stop giggling, but I can’t so I cry and just giggle more. That’s how I’m feeling right now. I didn’t mean to do anything bad! I know that it's always better for me to tell the truth. Because if I lie, I get in more trouble!

At school there is only one girl who likes me. She plays with me. She is my friend. Her name is Jess. She protects me from the bullies.

But when she isn’t there, another girl shows up. A girl no one can see but me. Her name is Emma. She has been with me since I turned 8 years old. She is older than me, I think she is about 16, but I can't tell. She plays with me when I am scared. She protects me when she can. She told me today not to listen to the lights. She says they are bad and will hurt me.

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask. I can feel the tears start to form in my eyes. My throat hurts and feels like I am choking.

Mommy looks over at Daddy.

“How did you know about my safe and the numbers, Lucille?” Daddy asks.

“The lights told me,” I giggle again because the voice scares me. It’s dark and spooky. It makes me shiver. I don’t like it. I wish it would go away.

I don’t know how else to say it. They did tell me about Daddy's safe and all the numbers.

“Baby, you know we don’t play with guns, right?” Mommy asks gently.

I nod my head. “Guns are loud and scary, and they hurt people. I told the light I couldn’t play with Daddy’s gun…” I shrug my shoulders, then fold my arms around myself to protect me from the scary voices.

Tears roll down my cheek. But I still smile and giggle. I sometimes do this when I am uncomfortable. It makes me feel safe.

“Lu-lu, how did you know my numbers?” Daddy asks again.

I point up to the light above the table. “The voices told me, Daddy. They are in my head… Normally, they stay at school, but I guess one of them followed me home…” I giggle and cry because I don’t want the voices to follow me.

Especially this one. He is the scariest voice out of all of them. But I actually don't want to hear any of them!

“Honey, I think we need to take her in to see Dr. Baker,” Mommy whispers to Daddy.

“I agree. I’ll make a call first thing in the morning. Something is wrong,” Daddy whispers back.

“She’s never lied to us. And I’m sure she thinks she is telling the truth… but -"

Mommy’s words get cut off by the light.

“Don’t listen to your parents. They don’t understand. They don’t believe you. You need to come play with us. We believe you…” The scary voice calls to me.

I must have gone all fuzzy in the brain again because when Daddy calls my name again, he sounds frustrated.

“LUCILLE, I’ve called you 5 times, and you still didn’t respond!” Daddy grumbles.

“Sorry Daddy. The light said you didn’t believe me and that I need to come play with them…” My voice shakes. Something in my tummy feels yucky. I want to cry! But all I can do is giggle and let the tears fall down my cheeks. I rock back and forth in my chair, trying to calm down, but I don’t know if I can.

Mommy sees me and rushes over to me and holds me in her arms. I normally don’t like being touched. But I love Mommy’s hugs. They are warm and safe.

I know Daddy loves me. But he doesn't hug me like Mommy does. He tells me he loves me, and I believe him. But sometimes it would be nice if he hugged me like Mommy does. Maybe boys don't hug?

“It’s okay, baby. You are safe,” Mommy whispers to me. Then she starts singing me a song she’s sung to me since I was a baby. It helps me calm down.