He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Chapter One

Growing up I was always taught that when you got married divorce was never an option. Because when you make a promise before God it should never be broken. What happens if you keep your end of the deal, and the other person doesn't?

Are all bets off?

Is it OK to give up on that promise since they gave up first? Or are you expected to continue being the loyal, loving wife even though you have been betrayed and broken?

I find that this question has pressed on my mind a lot lately mainly since the paperwork of my divorce has almost been finalized. James and I had been married for ten years and we had three beautiful children together. I always thought that I was the perfect wife.

I cooked and cleaned, took care of the kids, and made my whole world revolve around our little family, but, apparently, that wasn't good enough for James.

Two weeks after my birthday, my husband sat me down and told me that he was having an affair... And the woman he was with claimed to be pregnant by him. At that moment, I saw so many things in my life come full circle, like his not coming home at night after going out with his friends.

He always said it was because he didn't want to drive drunk, but now I know that it was really because of her, or how he would tell me that I was too controlling of his life and his happiness when I would complain about him not spending any time with me and the kids it was really because he wanted to spend his time with her.

James insisted that it was just a fling that it meant nothing to him and that our marriage was the most important thing in the world to him and that he truly just wanted to fix things but, it only took a moment for me to realize that I didn't.

I did not want to fix things I did not want to go back to muddling through my life and living without excitement and adventure in my world.

So, I chose to see my husband's horrible indiscretion as a way out from a life that I so desperately wanted to escape. So, I took my chance and asked for a divorce.

Support from my family in this matter was scarce, and unfortunately, I expected no different than what I got from them. I knew that my parents would never accept the idea of a divorce, let alone that actual action itself.

So, when my mother told me that I was ruining my life by leaving James even after he had been unfaithful, I expected nothing less. Then, my father, of course, made it a point to remind me.

I would be saddled with the financial responsibilities of three children, all on my own, and without the help of a husband, there would be no way that I could possibly succeed in caring for them properly. There were so many excuses made for James, such as

"We were so young when we got married that I should consider myself lucky that he only made this mistake one time." You have got to be freaking kidding me. Oh, and my favorite was

"He loves you; otherwise, he would have stayed with her and not come back home to you." I couldn't possibly even begin to describe the betrayal that I felt from my family through this entire ordeal, but lucky for me.

I was blessed to have at least one light through all this darkness, and that was my cousin Aliza. She had been my rock and my main supporter through all of the gory details of my divorce.

She allowed me and the kids to move into her house. Seeing as how I was turned away by everyone else as a scare tactic to go back to James. She even helped me to find a Job working at a banquet hall setting up and serving at large events. She has truly been a God-sent through all of this. I don't know where I would be without her.

Probably still married to James and miserable instead of sitting in a courtroom with him, ready to sign all that heartache away once and for all.

I sat across from James and watched as our lawyers sifted through all of their folders and paperwork. It was amazing to me how much paper was required just to end a marriage when it only took one piece of paper to begin one

. I glanced over at James and saw his grimace as he watched his lawyer pull out that last document needed before the divorce was final.

He slipped it towards him and placed a pen down on top. He hesitantly took the pen and then looked up at me with pleading eyes as he clicked it on the table. Tears began to break in my eyes as he used his to beg me not to go through with this, and for a moment, my heart grew soft.

Then I remembered all the nights I spent alone crying myself to sleep, all of the violent arguments we had in front of our children, and all of the broken promises he made. That was all the strength I needed to move forward.

Before I knew it my gaze became a glare, and I was snatching the paper from my lawyer's hand abruptly clicking my own pen on the table and angrily scratching my signature across the line on the divorce papers and sliding it forward on the table.

A look of shock and disappointment covered his face as he lowered his head and signed his own document. As soon as everything was done, I immediately got up from my seat without making eye contact with James and quietly but quickly left the room.

My lawyer Julianne followed close behind and she shook my hand and wished me the best as I got in my car to go home. As I drove home for the first time in a really long time my mind was peaceful.

The stress of pleasing someone else all my life had been lifted and I felt calm and free so much so that without even realizing it I began to cry tears of relief as I thanked God for his favor in all of the chaos I had just endured. When I pulled into Aliza's' driveway, I saw my children outside playing with Cane Aliza's' German shepherd.

A warm smile crept across my face, and I finally felt happiness and contentment in my heart. If this was all that I would ever have in this life. Nothing more than being their mother... Then I know that I would die happy and fulfilled.

My moment was brought to an abrupt halt when my youngest son Tyler smashed his face, drool and all, all over my driver's side window. I broke out in a rib-tickling laugh and rushed out of the car to chase him down as he took off across the yard.

As I ran after my little monster my oldest son Jason. My daughter Amber also gave chase after both of us in circles around the yard until we were all a pile of giggling bodies laid out in the grass.

I shot up from the ground when Cane decided to give me a welcome home kiss right dead smack in the middle of my face. The kids broke out in uncontrollable laughter as I whipped his drool from my face with a sickening growl.

As Cane barked and waged his tail, he was obviously very proud of what he had done. I shook my head, got up from the ground, and urged the kids to come in and get cleaned up before dinner.

When I walked into the kitchen Aliza was standing at the counter chopping vegetables And swaying to the music that was playing on her blue-tooth speaker. I giggled out loud at the sight and she turned towards me with a bright smile on her face.

"Well, hey, their girl didn't expect to see you this early. How was court?" I rolled my eyes as I washed my hands and dried them off with a paper towel.

I walked over to her and stole a carrot from her cutting board and popped it in my mouth. I crunched on the carrot for a moment then answered as I made my way to the fridge for a water bottle.

"It was OK, I guess." She looked over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow at me. Sometimes, I truly hated how well she knew me.

"OK, it was awful... and very emotional, but I managed to stand my ground and make it to my car before I shed a single tear."

"I did not let him see me cry!" I spoke the words with as much conviction as I was able to muster up at the time. Aliza looked at me lovingly and abandoned her culinary exploits to gather me up in an understanding hug.

"It's all going to be OK, Bre. I promise you."

"Just have to stick to your guns and have faith that through all of this, God has a plan for you and your children."

I nodded and squeezed her just a little tighter. She stepped back and gave me a reassuring gaze...