Chapter 1: In Your Head
My reflection in the window stared at me. I tried to glance behind it, into the darkness. The library was in the back of the house, and instead of the road, it faced the forest.
I was certain something was there. Watching me. Waiting.
But I couldn’t feel it, just like I couldn’t feel anything for the past three months.
The damn books weren’t helping, either. Magic was like breathing. Once you took your first breath, it came naturally, forcefully even – a necessity. There were no records of anyone ever losing their magic.
Then again, there were also no records of anyone ever bringing an insufferable twat back from the dead using demonic language.
I closed Intro to Demonology and buried my face in my hands.
Two weeks ago students of Hunt Academy were allowed back into the school. It took two and a half months to restore the main building and get rid of every ounce of black ooze. My father said the threat was gone and the demons wouldn’t be attacking anymore.
I believed him.
And that scared me.
It meant he had moved on to the second part of the plan, and I had no idea what it was.
All I knew was that the door between our world and the demon world was open. Whatever that meant.
My eyes jumped to the darkness beyond my window.
Something was out there. Its presence lingered around me at all times, but I never knew whether it could reach me. There were shields around my house. My father would never leave his own home unprotected. I couldn’t feel the shields, though, and an irrational fear that I was fully exposed to demons followed me every single minute of every day.
I swallowed it now and took another book – Intro to Potions. The clock ticked 6PM. Maybe I’d have more luck with Potions than Demonology.
I tried to keep up with the curriculum.
Morta sent me pictures of assignments, homework, and even her own sloppy notes. I clung to the hope that someone would tell me I wasn’t expelled anymore, so I tried to study. Exams ten days from now, starting with Valentine’s day.
I took my phone and called Morta, suddenly in desperate need of some reassurance.
“Hi, Jade.” She answered.
“Tell me you can’t deal with Darth’s demon nomenclature anymore.”
“I can’t handle written word anymore.” She sighed. “I think he gets off on torture.”
I chuckled, “At least Amma has instant pass.”
“Goddess, she’s not leaving her room.” Morta murmured. “She won’t even study with me.”
Amma lost her right arm three months ago. The arm she wrote with, made notes with, mixed potions with.
“Hey, there’s no way she would allow herself to fail something.” I tried to smile, but I was scared for her.
“I hope so.” I could see Morta sucking her lip. “I worry, though. I wish you were here. Maybe she’d listen to you.”
I swallowed, “She’s not answering my calls, Morta.”
“She answers no one’s calls these days. You need to tear her door down, Jade. So, come here and help me.”
“You know I can’t do that.” I whispered.
“Oh, come on.” Morta spoke. “Just get your ass over here. Tell your dad he’s an asshole and you won’t listen to him.”
I kept quiet for a second.
“I tried.” I sighed. “You know he’s going to tell everyone I had an affair with a teacher. It’ll ruin Thar.”
“Your friend is depressed.” Morta stated. “And your other friend is slowly losing her mind. I need backup, Jade. Everyone is a fucking mess. Amma won’t come out of her room, Eugene keeps wallowing in front of it because he feels guilty for cutting off her arm, and Bella won’t leave my damn room, because she’s too scared to be alone! On top of all, I don’t fucking understand protection spell equations and the new Black Magic teacher is a huge bitch! I’ll murder them all, Jade, and then I’ll kill myself.”
My head began to pound. Three months of this. I wanted to come back, and I was working on it, but how was I supposed to return without magic?
“I’ll talk to my father again.” I promised. “He’ll let me come back right before the exams, and you know Darth won’t be understanding. I’ll probably fail.”
“Just come as a visitor, please.” Morta begged. “I’ll sneak you in and out, I swear.”
“Okay.” I nodded, lying just a bit. “I’ll stop by.”
“Thank you.” Morta murmured.
Silence rang through the line.
“Have you asked Bella?” I whispered,
Morta sighed, “You really should talk to her yourself. She’s pissed. Doesn’t know what’s going on.”
“But have you asked her?”
Another sigh, “Yeah, she hasn’t heard from him.”
My head fell on Intro to Potions, “Fuck.”
“Have you been to his place?”
“Seven times.” I smushed my cheek into the pages. “Must have called him at least a hundred times.”
“I think it’s safe to assume he doesn’t want to see you.”
“His house – sorry, mansion – looks abandoned.” I closed my eyes, suddenly tired. “Maybe he has another address.”
“Or he’s not Leon anymore and he’s off plotting to kill us all.”
“We don’t know that.”
“Right.” Morta muttered. “Listen, I gotta get back to Demonology. Please, come to the school. Amma needs you.”
“I’ll try.”
“That’s what you’ve been saying for the past three months.”
“I’ll stop by next week. Promise.”
Morta sighed, “Fine. Goodnight.”
“Night.”
The uncomfortable presence of my watcher prickled under my skin.
I was somehow both lonely and never alone.
It exhausted me. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t focus.
Tears stung my eyes.
I needed my magic back, but the books were useless. The idea of losing it forever was like a gun to my back, constantly threating to fire and overwhelm me. Fuck, I couldn’t think about that.
No, I had to focus on getting it back. It didn’t disappear. I was still a witch.
My bones could still feel the demon’s presence.
I closed the book, giving up on studying, and dragged myself out of my father’s library.
My house was unbearably huge, almost like my father made sure no one would be able to find him inside. That was the thing, though. There were days when I wouldn’t even run into any of the staff. Days when the only one beside me was the relentless demon creeping either from the netherworld or my memories. Today was one of those days.
Morta was the only person willing to talk to me.
Thar hasn’t spoken to me since I told him I begged my father to let me come back. This was only two weeks after the attack on the school. My father flat out refused, and told me if I ever asked again, he’d tell our entire community I had an affair with a teacher.
Him keeping it a secret was, in hindsight, expected.
He wouldn’t tell everyone, not if he could use it to manipulate us.
I felt useless against him. Helpless.
Part of me desperately wanted to gain an edge, but part of me just wanted to know I hadn’t irrevocably ruined my life. I wanted my magic back.
It felt like someone had cut off my limb.
I hadn’t realised until now how much I depended on magic. I used it constantly. When I wanted to cure a hangover, heal a cut, or pluck my damn eyebrows. Things around me still had magic, but I just couldn’t tap into it.
All because I brought Leon back to life.
With a sigh, I turned on all the lights in my room and threw myself on the purple sheets. The cleaning ladies have kept it clean and orderly. They haven’t touched the suitcase still on the floor. I didn’t bother to take the clothes out.
It must have been because I brought Leon back to life. Why else would I lose my magic?
I used a type of magic I’ve never seen before and it messed up my own magic somehow.
Feeling desperate, but also futile, I took my phone and called him again. Each time I did, the ringtone stayed in my ears longer. It followed me around.
Voicemail.
“This is getting ridiculous.” I murmured into the phone. “I just need confirmation that you’re feeling alright. And no, liking other girls’ pictures on Instagram isn’t confirmation.”
The bastard was alive. He just didn’t bother picking up the phone.
Still, knowing he hasn’t spoken to anyone made me feel uneasy.
I let the phone drop on the bed next to my head.
What the fuck have I done?
Why have I done it?
What was I thinking?
Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes.
I hadn’t been thinking. I just wanted him back like-
And now he wasn’t answering my calls.
My phone pinged and my heart skipped a beat, but it was just a reminder to come down to dinner. With another heavy sigh, I dragged myself out of the room.
My mother sat at the head of the long wide table that usually seated twelve people. She gave me the silver hair, and not through genetics. When she was pregnant with me, she was trying to change her hair colour permanently through magic. Dyed my hair, as well.
Her youthful appearance made the hair seem elegant, but also ethereal. Her face was the same – sharp, blue eyes, tilted up at the outer edges, long, thin nose, sharp cheekbones and high forehead. She looked like an elf. Always has. Something otherworldly. The long, silk and lace dresses weren’t grounding her appearance either.
She was staring at her plate - baby spinach salad with fresh berries, goat cheese, and candied pecans. I sat on the opposite side at the other head of the table.
“I told Martha I don’t eat cheese anymore.”
I grabbed the fork, “Eat around it.”
“It touched everything else.”
I shrugged, “She wanted to make truffle risotto, but you don’t eat rice anymore.”
“Nor cheese.”
“Noted.”
My mother played with the food while I ate.
“Have you heard from dad?” I asked for the sake of the conversation.
“You really shouldn’t eat cheese.” She said. “You can’t purify your blood if you eat cheese.”
I leaned against the backrest, losing my appetite, “I thought that was meat.”
“It’s cheese.” She leaned forward, her eyes looking somewhere behind me. “We need to be pure.”
I dropped my fork, “I almost slept with my Black Magic teacher.”
My mother closed her mouth, and for a second, her eyes seemed to focus on me. She leaned back and brought her delicate fingers to her teeth. She was biting her nails more often. Whenever someone talked about something real.
“What do you expect me to tell you?” She asked. “While you’re occupied with trivialities, I’m trying to save us all. My work is important. Important. And you want to chit-chat.”
For the tenth time today, I felt like crying.
“Can you check the shields around the house?” I tried, knowing she wouldn’t even wonder why I was asking. “Demons have attacked the school, they can attack our house, too.”
She took the fork and continued to push the food around, “Beware of the evil that enters your heart, not your home, Jade.”
“Yeah, right.” I stood up, unable to finish the meal.
She said nothing as I left the dining room. I dragged myself through the hallways like a ghost, an apparition. I threw myself back on the bed with the lights on. No one called me. No one asked for me.
When I closed my eyes, however, I knew I wasn’t alone.
Jade Montgomery.
The voice was louder and more tangible every time it reappeared.
I am in your head.
