PROLOGUE
’When your sister does your hair, you do not need a mirror,’
This is what I often believed as there was a certain bond, a certain trust, blind trust I had with my late sister—with my family that I didn’t have with anyone else, because if history had taught me anything it is that there are no ties stronger than blood. However, if I were to be honest with myself, sometimes trusting family blindly due to blood relation was danger in itself as there was something called human nature, and typically humans never tend to stray from it since it was impossible to.
Impossible…
I knew this because I couldn’t stray from it, no matter how much I wanted to…and ever since I lost them, it became harder and harder to pull away and ignore that alluring nature completely as it was now embedded into me to the point where it was able to convince me that it was me.
This is why gazing into a mirror became a strenuous task within itself, an adventure as I do my best to recognize the person inside it, I try to comprehend what or who my eyes are seeing like they are failing me because when I look into the mirror, I see someone I can’t trust, someone I wouldn’t trust with my own life or any life for that matter, and the evidence of this distrust was currently in my hands as my eyes traced the bloody knife I held while memories flooded my mind like a blissful dream that only lasted a minute.
Stab.
Blood.
Stab.
Screams.
Stab.
Pleads.
I couldn’t stop a smile from appearing on my lips at the vivid image I had of the man pleading for his life that we both knew was gone the second he stole from my mother without remorse.
“You handle it?” I heard my brother, Kamau, ask as he stepped onto the balcony beside me.
“What it look like?” I questioned him, not taking my eyes off the knife because of the joyful memories I had just created with it.
“Don’t that blood bother you at all? You just…dealt with that man, and knowing your psychotic ass the scene probably wasn’t pretty.” He inquired, bringing forth the reminder of his weak stomach when it came to the inner workings of the family business.
“What bothered me was the fact that the man who stole from our family was walking these streets scot-free like he had nothing to fear,” I retorted, my finger greeting the bloody blade as the memories continued to flash through my mind at a high speed.
Stab.
Wide eyes.
Stab.
Tears.
Stab.
Weaken breaths.
“Oh…well you should get rid of that.” He declared, not looking at the blade and I knew it was because he hated the sight of blood. Kamau suddenly brought a blunt to his lips before using his lighter to ignite it.
And not a second later, he turned his head to let out a quiet cough which didn’t surprise me because we both knew he ain’t smoke.
I guess he’s tryna fit in.
“Now your ass knows this is my favourite knife, dad gave it to me,” I reminded him, causing a sigh to escape his lips along with smoke as he removed a napkin from his pocket before handing it to me.
“At least clean the damn thing.”
“Thank you,” I voiced, taking the napkin from his grasp before cleaning the blade I had re-sharped hours before the incident and then my slightly bloodied hands, “You know if you’re gonna join the family business, you need to be able to stomach the sight of blood.”
“You don’t gotta worry about him Kaya, you know he’s sheltered so it’s gonna take some time before mama even makes him—” Our older brother, Hakeem, started, but his sentence met a quick end because Kamau chose to speak over him using a defensive tone.
“I ain’t sheltered.”
“Please, did you think I ain’t seen you trying not to cough the second you took a hit of that blunt? I don’t know who your ass is tryna fool but it can’t be me.” I remarked, and embarrassment quickly found its way onto his face.
“You—”
I didn’t grant him the time to finish as I turned my attention back to our older brother.
“I know you ain’t come out here to talk, so whatchu want?” I questioned Hakeem.
“Mama wanted me to give you these.” He informed us while removing two envelopes from his jacket’s pocket.
“Come a little closer, I can’t reach,” I instructed him, drawing an annoyed look from him since we both knew he’d probably have a panic attack if he went any further because he feared heights.
“Fuck off Kaya.” He cursed while making a gesture for Kamau to come for them, and he did, taking the two envelopes before approaching me in order to hand me one that I didn’t hesitate to open.
“You are invited to the annual ball he…” I trailed off softly, not needing to read anymore to know what this was, “Y’all coming to me with this again, I told her I wasn’t gon attend after what happened last time.”
“What happened last time?” Kamau asked, reminding me of the fact that he failed to attend the gala last year because he had exams.
“Kaya almost started an all out war with the Russians because her relationship with the don’s son ended badly.” Hakeem disclosed to our little brother, and I rolled my eyes at the words he chose to use to describe the unfortunate situation.
“Ion think badly is the right way to describe what had happen, that man tried to kill me.”
My response had Hakeem crossing his arms with a displeased look on his face.
“I remember warning yo dumbass several times to stay away from him, now look at you.”
“Which is exactly why ion wanna go, what if he tries something?” I inquired, but in reality I wasn’t scared of him or what he might do, I just didn’t want to see him again.
“Mama ain’t gon take no for an answer, and remember they apologise for his actions and compensated us quite nicely after we explained the situation to the don.” Hakeem asserted, making it my turn to cross my arms with displeasure.
“An apology and compensation don’t heal trauma.”
“You don’t have to tell us, which is why mama took extra measures to make sure he won’t be there next week.”
His words eased the tension in my body that I hadn’t realised had arrived with this topic, but it didn’t relieve my body of all of it.
“Mama took extra measures or did you?”
“Does it matter?”
It did, though I chose not to make a thing out of it.
“Tell her I’ll think it over,” I instructed him, because like he said our mother wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“She knew you was gon say something like that so she told me to give you this while you ponder your options.” He announced, removing a car key from his pocket before throwing it to me, and I caught it with ease. “Dad’s old car.”
I had been asking for this since he…
“That’s clearly a bribe.” Kamau proclaimed, stating the obvious.
“You don’t say?” I asked with sarcasm dripping from my words as I placed my eyes upon our other brother, “I guess he’s learning.”
“Shut up,” Kamau remarked with an annoyed frown.
