What is your opinion?
Beautiful Story
"I thought this story was beautifully written. The imagery that regularly cropped up created the most vivid image of this world, and particularly of Victoria. She was such a horrible person, yet such a well rounded, intense character, you could so easily visualise her. You're an incredibly talented writing. I've read over the other reviews which said she came across flat/childish/rushed etc. I don't personally agree with that, I felt like that was a deliberate decision on your part - that there was a lot going on under the surface but we never necessarily got to see all of it. While I can maybe understand what they're saying, in terms of her motivations being a bit simplistic, I did think her character had depth. I loved almost everything about your writing style too. I'm very fond of stories that don't spend forever explaining things, but rather 'drop the reader in the deep end' for lack of a better description, and allow them to work things out for themselves. The plot itself was fascinating and unlike anything I've ever read. The only thing that I would say is that towards the very end of the last chapter, Victoria's anger over James' refusal to be afraid confused me a little bit. Because the way I understood it was that people seemed to willingly go into the heart to die, it seemed strange that there were gouge marks everywhere, or that it mattered whether or not he was scared, in the grand scheme of her plan. but that's literally the only thing I have to say. Overall, the story was both fascinating, and incredibly beautiful. It was a real joy to read. Bee"
wow
"Hi there, Great story, no wonder it won the contest. Great flow, interesting, realistic characters, fast paced. It's amazing how you crammed so much awesome into four short chapters. I have one extremely minor grammatical error to point out, and its hardly even mentioning but it caught my eye. I think it's the second last sentence in quotations has the period outside of the quotes. Oh My God! How horrible, we're all going to die because of it! Not. But just thought I'd say. Keep up the great work, congrats on winning the contest. Cheers"
Wow,
"That was eerie and beautiful at the same time. It was captivating and I couldn't help but feel the same dread sink in as Victoria began to ask James about his age. I definitely look forward to reading more of your stories!"
Intriguing and excellent.
"Rob Bignell said, “Your first written sentence is the foundation of all of your dreams.” And after reading just the first sentence of Erewon I could tell it was true to the authors own dreams. It was like stepping into another reality, engulfing oneself in the beautifully vivid world of Erewon. Adding to the depth of the world was the characters, for such a short story, the characters were so developed and real. It really helped with the overall feel of the story, as the reader was able feel for James and Victoria (despite not liking her a great deal). I would most definitely love to read more of both Erewon and the other worlds, and look forward to seeing more from the author."
Absolutely Amazing
"This is a perfectly written story. There isn't a single thing I can fault it on. The world, Erewon, is beautifully described and vivid detail. The author has achieved spectacular detail without sacrificing pace which is a skill many writers find difficult. The characters are constructed well and are fascinating to follow throughout. The clues to what Victoria has planned are laid perfectly so that the reader can catch on to her scheme at the same time as James which is a nice touch. The narration was one of my favourite parts of this story. Rather than having a detached narrator or simply seeing it through the eyes of one of the characters, the narrator was sort of a character of its own which was a nice touch. I'd very happily read more about Erewon."
The Heart
"Definitely a good short story. The end was pretty good, although I would have liked to see what would have happened after Victoria's demise. James was a great character and his refusal to show fear and to take Victoria with him was amazing."
Intriguing story
"I thought the story was well written. It opens well and pulls the reader in by revealing the world in bits and pieces. Decent distinction with the two characters presented. The flaw that caught me occurred in point of view, or head hopping. Flipping back forth between the two characters' thoughts and perspective felt jarring and took me out of the story."
Chuckle!
"The prologue worked very well as a hook for me - I wanted more! The opening continued that. It does need more polish - a light copyedit. There's a bit of dragging description that mars the pace, and some typos. All in all, I enjoyed this tale, its twist, and the broad hint that underlies it!"
Erewon
"Not a bad start. I really liked the voice of the narrator and I felt the word choice used to this piece was very thought-out and pleasing to the genre this story is categorized in. I also like that you didn't give anything away in this bit, but made it so the reader is left with enough curiosity and intrigue to want to continue and see how the story will overall play out. Nice job. It's very well done."
Great idea, but character development could use some work
"I was really excited when I read the summary of this story. It drew me in, intrigued me. Sadly, the actual story was a disappointment. It had so much potential, but the execution could have been much better. The plot was great. I especially loved the twist at the ending. What really "killed it" for me was the character development. Victoria and James both feel shallow, two-dimensional, and well, underdeveloped. Most of the information we know about them was told, not shown. Victoria doesn't seem like a cold, calculating leader of a barbaric planet. She seems like a naïve, spoiled, impetous child who is used to getting their own way. And James—well, we know next to nothing about James. And I understand that you can only cram so much about your characters into four chapters, but I think that even with ony four chapters you could have developed your characters so much more. So, overall, great idea, but the characters were extremely underdeveloped. ~Pi"
Original and well-written
"Chillingly beautiful concept, a bit spoiled by the lack of depth of the characters. Neither Victoria nor James are much convincing, they feel flat and rushed. I would love to see them fleshed out better. I particularly like the tantalizing glimpses on the world beyond, its culture and society and history and so on, and the contrast with the relatively small spaces of the 'action'. Well done in telling the tale with great balance between giving enough information to enjoy it and overwhelming with details!"
Mixed images
"The feeling in the beginning of the story was nice. It felt old, experienced, and a little dark. I liked the fate of the characters, but there was something that prevented me from fully enjoying the story. I had issue with the narrator's voice and especially the character Victoria. Both seemed childish at times. For a story that talks about a successful world after many failures, I was expecting the narrator to have a more mature tone, maybe even tired or resigned. I don't know if it was your intention, but sometimes I felt like the narrator's voice belonged to someone I could chat with over lunch. And Victoria didn't seem like the cold, calculating conqueror who clawed her way to the top. Her actions showed someone who's spoiled, easily angered, and easily defeated. This sounds like a woman who inherited power, not a woman who skillfully fought for it."
