Empty Heart
“Herz aus Glas” (“Heart of Glass”) is a song by the German band Münchner Freiheit, also released in English under the title “Play it Cool.” The original lyrics start with: “I have often - Hoped - That I would meet you again - One day”. The song’s lyrics convey how encountering a past love can evoke powerful emotions and memories. The metaphor of a heart made of glass vividly illustrates the transparency and fragility of these feelings. The protagonists in the song seem to struggle with managing their emotions and letting go of the past.
Julian stood in Silvia’s bedroom, feeling a bit perplexed. This wasn’t quite what he had imagined.
“What’s this?” he asked, pointing at the bed.
“That’s your bed,” Silvia replied.
“Shouldn’t it be our bed?”
“It is,” Silvia said, “I sleep here, and you…” pointing to the left side of what looked like two single beds pushed together, “…sleep there.”
“But my bed is a good five inches higher than yours!” Julian protested.
“It’s all I had,” Silvia answered nonchalantly before leaving the room.
Julian stood awkwardly in the room, feeling as out of place as a drenched poodle. His mind whirled with confusion. After nearly nine months together, he had hoped this night would mark a new chapter in their relationship—a night where they would finally share the intimacy of a single bed. Instead, the room presented a stark reality: two separate beds, each with its own distinct mattress and height, symbolizing their contrasting views on what it meant to share a space.
Silvia was captivating, her allure undiminished by her age. Her short black hair framed a face that radiated natural beauty, needing no enhancement from makeup. Her eyes sparkled like distant stars when she laughed, and her lips were as soft as the silver edges of the horizon. Despite her half-Italian heritage, Silvia possessed a reserved nature, lacking the fiery passion typically associated with Italians. Julian understood that intimacy could take time for some women, but nine months felt like an eternity.
He had hoped for a deeper connection, pondering if they had erred by not fully exploring every facet of their relationship sooner. Yet, Julian was willing to wait, for he was serious about Silvia. After a vibrant past, he was searching for a partner for life. They shared a harmony in interests—long walks, music, and art—that made him believe they were well-suited for each other. At their mid-thirties, Julian felt it was the right time to seek stability in his life.
Despite his uncertainties, Julian admired Silvia’s strength. She was deeply committed to her career as a music teacher, her schedule brimming with lessons and rehearsals that left her with scant free time. Julian, too, led a busy life. Divorced and childless, he juggled a demanding job and evening commitments, managing his household independently. Their paths had crossed during one of these commitments—Silvia leading a choir project, and Julian singing as a tenor, a rare and cherished voice in the ensemble.
As Julian stood there, contemplating the separate beds, he couldn’t help but hope that this shared moment, however distant, might eventually draw them closer, weaving their individual tunes into a harmonious duet.
Their relationship officially started with a mutual love of music, yet it hadn’t progressed beyond that into physical intimacy. Julian had hoped to please Silvia in recent weeks and months, and now he was eager for the opportunity. But the thirteen-centimeter height difference between their beds posed a logistical challenge.
Lost in thoughts about the upcoming night, Julian was jolted back to reality by Silvia’s voice.
“Would you like something to eat?” she asked.
“Yes, I’ll be right there. What’s for dinner?”
“Whatever’s in the fridge.”
“Which means almost nothing…” Julian thought, slightly disheartened. The fridge was always nearly empty, not due to financial constraints but Silvia’s minimalist shopping habits: butter, tomatoes, green onions, mozzarella, parmesan, jam, and chili sauce.
“How about a sausage?” Julian called from the bathroom.
“That’s too heavy on meat,” Silvia responded.
Julian rummaged through the fridge and found some semi-hard cheese he had brought over last week, along with a few hard-boiled eggs. “Eggs with a splash of Maggi Sauce would be perfect,” he mused.
“Where’s the Maggi Sauce?” he asked, raising his voice.
“Spices are in the cupboard above the stove,” Silvia replied.
“There’s only salt and pepper up here,” he noted.
“I don’t use Maggi Sauce; so I don’t have any.”
“Fantastic…” Julian muttered as he set the dining table in the cozy living room. Silvia was curled up in her hanging chair, completely absorbed in a book.
“Where should we go on vacation this year?” Julian asked, arranging the cutlery with meticulous care.
“I don’t know yet,” Silvia said, keeping her gaze down.
“Where would you like to go?” he pressed, hoping for a spark of enthusiasm.
“Somewhere nice.”
“How about the Maldives? Sun, beach, sea...” Julian suggested, picturing them basking on the beach.
“Lake Baikal is supposed to be beautiful too,” Silvia countered.
“Lake Baikal? Where’s that?”
“In Russia.”
Julian sighed and retreated to the kitchen. He emptied the fridge’s meager contents onto the counter and started preparing a caprese salad with mozzarella, tomatoes, olive oil, and basil leaves—one of the few staples in Silvia’s semi-Italian kitchen.
“Ta-da! Dinner is ready!” he announced with forced cheer.
They sat down to eat in silence, the clink of cutlery the only sound between them.
“Should we do some shopping tomorrow?” Julian ventured.
“We’re out of mozzarella.”
“I meant stocking up for the week. Maybe I could cook something nice for us,” he suggested, trying to engage her.
“I don’t know what I’ll want to eat in a few days.”
“That’s why I wanted to plan it with you. I could make chicken curry on Wednesday and pasta casserole on Thursday.”
“I might not feel like eating that.”
“But I know what you’ll want!”
“What?” Silvia asked, finally meeting his gaze.
“Caprese,” Julian said with a resigned smile.
As he cleared the table, Julian’s frustration grew. Planning meals and vacations with Silvia was proving as difficult as igniting a spark of passion between them. Maybe some intimacy could melt the frosty distance. He hoped to uncover Silvia’s hidden Italian temperament under her nightgown tonight.
“Can you help me with the dishes?” Julian called from the kitchen.
Silvia complied and joined him. Julian thought shifting the foreplay to the kitchen might be a good idea. He lamented that they weren’t at his place, where the fridge was better stocked, and the kitchen setup was more conducive to culinary and romantic endeavors. His lowered worktop was perfect for both food preparation and more intimate activities.
As Silvia dried the dishes, her delicate yet capable hands moved with practiced ease. Julian admired them, wondering if they could conjure the same passion with him as they did on the piano.
“You’re dripping,” Silvia noted, bringing him back to the moment.
“Hopefully soon, you will be too…” Julian thought, wiping the floor and trying to clean up the situation in more ways than one.
“Should we go to bed soon?” he suggested, his voice softening.
“Yes, we can do that,” Silvia replied.
“And maybe try things out?” he ventured, hopeful.
“I have a music school recital on Saturday. It’s important—the mayor will be there.”
“I’d really like someone to play my flute...” Julian thought as he cleaned the sink.
