One
We’re Brothers?
Did he really just say that to me?
Is that what he truly thinks of me, then? As a fucking brother?
I’ve got two brothers already! Being stuck in the middle of a big brother and little brother sandwich is torturous enough... I seriously don’t need another one!
It should all be great at the end of the day, right? I mean, I got his number and exchanged LIME IDs. It’s clearly a good sign. So why does it hurt so deeply? I should be elated that he wants to talk and chat with me. Yet, my heart has its own mind—it thinks and feels on its own like I’ve just been stabbed in the gut repeatedly. The pain in my chest is unbearable. I ache everywhere, but none of it hurts more than my heart. It’s like I want to cry, but my body won’t let me.
I look at my phone and I keep staring at the ID he gave me, and then at the selfie we took together.
I’m supposed to know myself. Yet, it’s like I’m living in a completely different body. Where did my confidence go? Is there a problem with me? Is it cos... Travis is a guy? It can’t be. I’ve pursued Dan, he’s a guy! Why did that not bother me this much? I go after what I want, that’s always been the type of guy I am.
But somehow, when Travis is around, all of that vanishes. Maybe he’s the one sucking away all my confidence? Is he my Kryptonite? Should I keep my distance from him? Is this brother situation actually a blessing in disguise? I may have to stay away from him permanently—for my own good—for my own sanity.
I finally dragged myself onto the bus, dreading every second of it. Praying that Travis is not gonna sit next to me again. I don’t think I can handle being stuck with him for the entire ride home.
However, if he does appear, then I’ll just pretend I’ve fallen asleep and hope he doesn’t pick the seat next to me. I even tried to signal the other students to come sit with me, but all of them seem to have someone they wanna sit with already. Guess it’s what I get for being the 'loner type' and enjoying my own space. It has now come back to bite me in the ass.
Goddammit, Here he comes!
I’m asleep!
I’m invisible! Please don’t see me!
I even let out a tiny snoring sound, hoping that it will make my idiocy seem more believable.
“Is anyone sitting here?”
I pretend not to hear. My eyes are closed anyway, so how would I even know he’s talking to me?
“I’m gonna take the silence as a ‘No’ then.”
For Looney’s sake!! Why can’t he just leave me alone?! I can already feel his body heat placing himself on the seat next to me. Our hips slightly touched. I wanted to move away a little, but I also didn’t want him to think he just woke me up. So I stayed put. He didn’t move either.
Ten minutes have passed. The bus has already started moving. Travis still hasn’t uttered a word. For a second I thought, maybe my strategy is working. I could just sleep my way back without ever having to talk to him. Little did I know...
“Thanks for helping me find Cupcake last night. I was so worried. Having you there helped so much. So thank you...”
Does he know I’m faking it? Why is he speaking to me like I’m awake? I’m glad we found Cupcake last night. Seeing Travis sad like that made me depressed, too. But when he reunited with that pet gecko of his, his face lit back up. It was adorable. Like, I fell in love all over again!
How pathetic.
Fuck it. Should I keep pretending? Feels like he’s already sussed me out anyway.
“Cupcake was my father’s precious friend. When he was diagnosed with brain cancer, Cupcake was there by his side every day. He kept my dad company when we couldn't... until his last moments. You have your necklace, and I have Cupcake as a reminder of my father. Speaking to Cupcake is kind of like I’m speaking to him again, a chance I never had, cos it was taken away from us so abruptly. Then... when you came with me to help find Cupcake, I knew that you were someone truly special.”
I feel like he’s just talking to himself. I’m glad he hasn’t noticed that I am fake sleeping, but what is this sudden melancholic feeling inside? Good thing my eyes are closed, cos I can start to feel it heating up and turning red instantly.
“Thank you, Jared... This trip would not have been the same without you.”
What is this? Please STOP! I can feel myself blushing. Please don’t let him see! I was so nervous and touched at the same time, I don’t think I budged for another ten minutes. But why is he telling me this when I’m clearly asleep? Is he only saying it cos he knows I won’t hear him?
And... Is this really how brothers speak with each other? If so, I must have been living under a rock my entire life with my whole family!!
He hasn’t spoken for some time now. My curiosity is starting to get the best of me. I slowly opened my eyes and turned my head ever so slightly to see what he was doing. Turns out he fell asleep too. I can finally relax and open my eyes again. I move a little to adjust myself and face him. His face is turned towards my direction, facing the window. He looks so peaceful and serene.
I look over and see what he placed on the table seat. It’s the box he keeps his pet gecko inside of. Is that who he was actually speaking to? But he was thanking me, right? I think I’m turning red again just thinking about it.
As my vision adjusts back up to his face. I see his eyes slowly opening up. For a few seconds, our gaze meets and interlock. It sent shivers coursing throughout my body.
“Hey, you’re finally awake! You wanna watch a movie with me and Cupcake? I got something really fun on my phone.”
Travis sounds really enthusiastic. I guess it beats having to talk with him when I don’t know what to say. He takes out his phone and places it on the table. He places Cupcake’s box on his lap so that his little buddy can see too.
National Geographic starts playing... and I swear, I nearly spat my heart out. That is what he calls fun?
“Look Cupcake! Your favourite program is on,” he points his finger at the screen, directing Cupcake to watch. I doubt he’s interested at all... Cupcake’s not even moving. He’s probably fake sleeping like I was.
After thirty minutes of learning about the giant lizard empire, I actually found it quite educational. It’s not that boring, surprisingly.
I turn to look in Travis’s direction, and he shockingly fell asleep again. His head is starting to nod slightly downwards, falling ever so slightly closer to my shoulder. I think my heart stopped beating when I realised what’s about to happen. Eventually, his head gently falls on my left shoulder, and everything that happened after is all a blur in my mind.
I think I might have passed out as well, with my head resting on his for the rest of the way home.
