Chapter 1
“And in these days men shall prove to be wicked, and self-serving, and hypocrites, and they will participate in homoerotic activities, and they will be constantly pushing against their God given nature to become what is unnatural and unclean.
“If we are to achieve rest among the bosom of Yahweh in death, and shine with renewed vigor in eternal life after the end days have long passed, we must follow these tenants with flawless obedience. We must strive to become faithful slaves, to deny our sinful desires, and to bask only in the light of our Lord no matter the circumstances.”
Shepherd Script 23: Forever Walking in Truth, George LeRona
“You ever think ‘bout gettin’ shot in the back of the head?”
The woman known as Daisy had shaken me from my otherwise unrelenting stare off the side of the fence and into the ocean of buildings and trees below us.
I turned my head to her and shook it with a fixed brow, “No, no I don’t.”
“I do,” she took a long puff off her cigarette and sputtered it out of her mouth and into the breeze, “think about it ev’ry day. Customer comes in pissed ‘bout somethin’, I’m not fast enough to calm his jimmies, and bam, I’m fuckin’ dead.”
I nodded and tssked at her, “You’ve got an active imagination on you, Daisy.”
“It could happen. Could happen to you, you dunno.”
“I doubt that. I live a very chaste, modest life. I don’t put myself in situations where a man would ever want to shoot me.”
“He doesn’t even have to wanna shoot you. Just wrong place wrong time. It happens. Remember that lady Ridr driver who got killed few years back?”
“It’s a troublesome world. I try not to let what people could do to me dictate how I live it.”
“Nobody said you had to. People like you would rather live your life by some stupid fuckin’ book than live for yourself anyways.”
“People like me being what? Religious people?”
“No, religious people make sense half the time. You Yahweh’s are a diff’rent story.”
“Revelationist. I’m a Revelationist.”
“Same damn thing.”
“Well, it’s like how Mormons prefer the term Latter Day Saints. Regardless of how people want to view us, it’s a preference we make clear.”
“Y’all are still fuckin’ nuts. I heard you chattin’ up Thomas ’bout that shit. He’ll listen. He’s a dumbass. I’m too smart for it.”
“Don’t you have three kids from three different fathers?”
“Don’t’chu got a wife y’don’t fuck?”
“Touche.”
“One of us gets too much and the other gets too little. What’chu gonna do, huh?”
“She wants a baby.”
“Does she now? You gon’ give ’er one?”
“It just seems irresponsible. I work as a host at a seafood pub, we’re in a one bedroom apartment and she’s a full-time proselytizer. This system of things is coming to a close any day now and she wants a baby.”
“Hold up there Nostradamus, you know I’m not on board with yer doomsday nonsense.”
“I know it’s not real for you but it’s real for me, okay? I believe the Bible. I believe in the Shepherd’s Scripts. I believe what I’ve seen for myself and either way I don’t think this is the time for kids,” I crossed my arms against the railing and sighed, “but she wants one.”
“So give her one. Least you’ll be gettin’ some for a while before one of yer swimmers wins the race.”
“I can’t just bring a life into this world. It’s irresponsible.”
“Ain’t you sad? You say you believe all this bullshit you preach but ain’t you sad you ain’t never gonna do anythin’ with your life but this?”
“Nothing else to do. Jannie does her part in the preaching work and I do mine by supporting her. It’s fulfilling.”
“You’re fulfilled?”
“I like to think so.”
“You ain’t never tried nothin’ crazy just to say you tried it? Fulfilled a fantasy? Tried weed? Kissed a man?”
“I have no desire to kiss a man, Daisy.”
“Oh, for fucks sake, Nikki, you’re a shit liar and you know it.”
“I know you have this weird assumption that everyone is secretly bisexual but I’m straight. That sort of thing isn’t tolerated in my belief system.”
“In your belief system or in your religion’s belief system?”
“Both. The Bible is clearly against homosexuality, there’s no debating it.”
“Right. The Bible says you should also be stonin’ hookers and shit, don’t it?”
“That’s old testament. We don’t follow that.”
“Well last I checked livin’ your life by a 2000 year old book wasn’t the best idea no matter which part of it you’re followin’.”
“Yet look at the both of us. The man who follows the Bible is healthy, fit, and fulfilled, the woman who openly turns her face from God is smoking a cigarette outside the restaurant she waits tables at.”
“Pfft, you’re the one who would rather be chattin’ with me than with the guy in there who actually gives a shit or two about what you’ve gotta say.”
“I got plenty of time to talk to Thomas when I’m on the clock. Lunchtime I’d like to be out here. Being thankful that I’m not you.”
“Take in the zoo then, Bible boy. Least this Sunday I know I’ll be at home bingin’ Good Wives with a bong between my legs while you’ll be at church in a stuffy suit secretly wishin’ you were dead.”
“And Monday morning we’ll see which one of us has one foot less in the grave, right?”
“Like I said, Nikki boy. Better watch out for the crazy man with a gun on the back of your head. Or at least start living life before he gets ya.”
The Abode was buzzing with anxiety on that Sunday morning. When Shepherd Magnus died last year, we had been left short of leadership and were well overdue for a new seventh Shepherd to take his place.
I had been wanting to reach out for the Shepherding work myself, but it would take months before I could even get on the waitlist to train for it, and Jannie was determined that we have a baby next year, a lifestyle extension that would almost certainly demand more time than I’d have leftover for it after working both a full-time job and working for the congregation.
I had accepted it simply wasn’t in the cards for me.
We took our seats in the Abode’s auditorium, two rows from the front so that we’d get a decent look at the new Shepherd who was due to grace our stage in just a few minutes.
I was excited over what I had heard through the grapevine from those who had attended his talks as a visiting speaker in other Abodes. He was said to have a powerful presence, a glorious manner of speaking and a demanding yet gentle aura.
We joyously stood for the first song, The Wicked Perish In Blood and Vanity, and fell silent as Shepherd Lockwood led us in prayer then prodded us to take our seats as he readied us for the introduction to our new leader.
“As some of you may be aware, this week we are overcome with joy to introduce to our Heavenly Abode, not just a new Brother, or a new friend, but a new appointed Shepherd, Anzel Youngblood.”
The younger man stepped down from the podium, and approaching the stage from the left came a man donned from chest to toe in a cotton white suit.
He approached the podium, and I sat awestruck at the man’s extraordinary beauty; his striking golden green eyes that shimmered in the fluorescent light, his silvery hair that seemed spun from shavings of white gold, his modest yet strong frame that floated him along the steps and onto the stage like a waft of fog swirling upwards.
I couldn’t look away. I physically couldn’t look away from him. He was like a handcrafted marble statue, human perfection incarnate.
He spoke with a voice that vibrated in a holy frequency, calming, clear, clean, eloquent and soft, “Goodmorning, dear Brothers and Sisters. I might not be a familiar face to most of you, but I hope we can soon get to know one another.”
I was in awe, then he looked at me. Smiled like he caught a glimpse of the deepest secrets of my soul then swore not to tell anyone about them.
He returned his attention to the other members present in the Abode, and continued.
“For my introductory address I’d like to set the tone for my manner of shepherding moving forward. I don’t wish for any of you to feel intimidated, or frightened, or guilty. No, I believe Yahweh is a most approachable deity, and he wants his appointed Shepherds to be just as open and approachable as he is.”
“I want to tell you all a story from my childhood. Now, when I was a young boy growing up in East Arloin, we had this little mom and pop candy shop I’d frequent. My mother would give me a few dollars at a time and I’d go in and I’d pick out all the candy I wanted.
“My favorite candies were called Cinna Bombs, and they were these little fiery balls of red food coloring and sugar and the most intense artificial cinnamon flavor you can conjure up in your mind’s tongue right now. Nobody else liked them but me, so there was always an influx. They never ran out of them.
“I remember one time I got a bit too excited about getting my treat, and I dropped my bag full of Cinna Bombs out on the sidewalk outside. My little candies went flying left and right. The shop owner saw and, being the kind gentleman he was, he offered to replace all of my lost goods with fresh, new candy.
“But there was a problem. See, since nobody but me liked the Cinna Bombs, the shopkeeper had stopped ordering them. What I had left were the last Cinna Bombs he’d ever carry. He offered me a different cinnamon candy, but they were gummy and too sweet and not nearly kicking my teeth with cinnamon flavor enough to suffice as a substitute.
“So I told him, ‘That’s alright, Mr. Roberts. You can keep your candy. I’ll find all the ones I lost, they’re my favorite.’
“And I realize as an adult what a profound teaching moment that was for me, that I had something only I loved, nobody else liked it, and I was willing to pick through dirt and behind trash cans and the nasty ground and even near the road to find my lost cinnamon candies. All because they were my favorite.
“I realize now that Yahweh is just like I was. Even if nobody else loves you, Yahweh sees the good in you, to the point where he is willing, and able, to pick you up out of the dirtiest spots you have found yourself in, dust you off, and cherish you and all the joy you bring him. No matter how dirty you think you are, no matter where you’ve been, no matter who has said you’re intolerable or unenjoyable or worthless, Yahweh loves you. Yahweh wants you. Yahweh will pick you up and protect you and adore you like nobody else has ever adored you before.
“Yahweh can do that. Because Yahweh is love. And we should have undying, unconditional love for each other as a result.”
It was nothing I hadn’t heard from the podium before, but something about the way Shepherd Youngblood spoke brought tears to my eyes.
I wiped them away as he continued with his introductory address, giving more insight to his teaching methods, his history as a Revelationist, his intentions for the congregation and finally, a concluding speech on having love amongst ourselves and for all living things.
I was impressed with his portfolio, a born-in third generation Revelationist, meaning his grandparents likely knew our founding father George LeRona, they probably even witnessed the switch from our original name, Sons of Yahweh, to the more graceful, catchy, and inclusive Revelationists.
God, the stories he could tell me. The things I could learn from this man.
I had to get to know him. I needed Shepherd Youngblood to take me under his wing.
I made a beeline for him soon after the assembly came to an end, though I wasn’t the only one who was eager to introduce themselves to him. He may as well have been a celebrity in our presence, he was shaking hands and listening to exclamations of praise from every Tom, Dick and Sally in the Abode, nodding along and humbling himself with a shy grin before they moved on and were quickly replaced by the Brother or Sister behind them.
Janine seemed eager to get us on our way without introducing ourselves. She tugged on my arm and said, “Come on, Nik, I’m starvin’.”
“Don’t you wanna meet our new Shepherd?”
“I’m sure he’s lovely but the entire congregation wants a piece of him right now, can’t we talk to him next week?”
I took a moment to use the one trump card I held in my repertoire, one I usually hesitated to even consider taking out.
My role as the head of the household.
“Jannie, if you want to sit in the car you can, but I’m going to wait and speak to Shepherd Youngblood.”
She looked a little stunned, then smiled, “Okay, dear. If you say so.”
I gave her hand a gentle squeeze and turned to take my place in line to shake hands with the new Shepherd.
He was close. My heart was sputtering like an engine roaring to life in my chest. I felt nervous, but what was there to be nervous about? He was just a man, just a Brother. A Brother who outranked me sure, but still a meek and mild Brother nonetheless.
The Sister in front of me finished telling Youngblood what a wonderful job he did up there and took her leave, and then it was my turn.
My eyes went wide as he laid his shimmering golden emeralds on them, and I choked, gulped, and stammered, “Brother, I-I mean, um,” I panicked, what do I say? Everyone else already told him everything he needed to hear a million times or more. How could I make anything I had to say the least bit memorable to him?
“You can call me Brother if you prefer. I’m not all that used to Shepherd yet if we’re being honest.”
“Oh, no that’s so, that’s so rude. I could never refer to you with a minor rank like that.”
“Minor rank? We’re in a congregation together, not the military,” he chuckled and held out his hand to mine, warmth engulfing me instantly and shooting a fleshly burn into my midsection.
“Let’s start again,” he cooed with a melodic tune to his voice, “I’m Anzel Youngblood, and you?”
“Brother Eastwood. Nikolai Eastwood.”
“Nikolai? My, quite a name.”
“My grandmother was a Russian immigrant, it was my grandfather’s name. He sadly passed away before my mother was born.”
“A name with a story too. I can’t say mine is too interesting, my parents liked the name Anzel and so, I am Anzel.”
“Anzel, means Angel doesn’t it?”
“It can, yes. Can also mean messenger, make of that what you will.”
“Well you certainly were a messenger this morning on stage. I was in awe of everything you said. Felt like God was speaking right to me.”
“And that is my intention. God is far from an unapproachable force. Wherever there is love there is God. And my message is for there to be more love. Therefore, more God.”
“It’s a well-needed message, this world is wicked beyond belief. I’m sure your message is better received among us than it is out in the field.”
“Well, you’d be surprised then. I tend to argue the opposite. It’s those among us who need more love, most in the world are at least doing their best.”
“Ah, I’d like to challenge that, Shepherd. Every time I walk into the Abode I’m surrounded by friends who love and care for me. Every time I walk out into the world I’m an enemy to everyone I meet.”
“Well you have to wonder then, are you making yourself an enemy to them? Or are you showing everyone the same love you show to those here?”
“I, I never thought about it that way before actually.”
“And it’s fine that you haven’t. But just remember that if you view yourself as an enemy to those around you, they have no reason other than to perceive you as such. Seed fear, reap fear. Seed hatred, reap hatred. Seed love, reap love.”
“You’re right. You’re just on the precipice of making me question your sanity, don’t get me wrong, but you are right.”
He chuckled, thankfully taking my reply as humorous, “It’s not me who’s right. It’s Christ, Lord of Love, the mold we should strive to copy. Yet he doesn’t command us to hate ourselves in case we fall short.”
“Lord of Love indeed. Um, Shepherd Youngblood, do you have plans for hospitality lunch today?”
“Oh no, my wife and I were going to get some takeout before heading home.”
“Oh, let me and Jannie take you both out then, please, I’m sure she’d love to get to know you as well!”
“I’ll speak to Lily about it, but that offer sounds,” his eyes looked me up and down for a quick second and no more, “sounds lovely, Nikolai.”
