What is your opinion?
Fun!
"This is not the typical "damsel in distress" tale with overwrought emotions. There is wit here, and action aplenty. The princess is not too dainty -- that's a plus -- and the hero really is a good guy. Fun reading. :) Recommended."
Highly entertaining!
"This story was hilarious with great interaction between characters and unexpected conflicts. It kept me guessing the whole time. I want more! :) The writing itself was very good, not distracting from the story but bringing me in with every detail. I wish you good luck in the contest!"
Epic Story
"Epic is the word here. I feel as if I’ve been dropped in the middle of a world full of magic, machinery and strife. Smooth read, easy on the eyes - never thought twice about finishing this piece once I started reading it. Lots of good work in this contest. I hope to see more of this world."
Short, sharp, fiery blast
"This great little short story is long on action, adventure and a sardonic sort of romance. Lewd, dark and earnest by turns, the writer's done a great job of producing a varied and interesting glimpse into a memorable fantasy setting."
Dark Humor at its Finest
"The story is written with charm and a vibrant, fresh energy. You can tell the authors were enjoying themselves as they created playful, smooth-flowing dialogue within every scene. While each character seems to follow typical archetypes on the surface--John an egotistical, know-it-all hero, Lyra, a defiant princess, etc.--their underlying qualities are saturated with irony and seem to attack the distinctive archetypes that they supposedly represent. The language is colloquial and easy to follow. I found myself laughing at some of the more outrageous description. The hyperbole of violent deaths seems to reiterate the humorous undertones which, I feel, is the true heart of the tale. As an avid reader of obscure fiction from up and coming talents, I am quite pleased with the quality of the work presented. In general, Inkitt has developed into a flourishing community filled with unique and enjoyable stories. - Joseph"
outstanding
"this is by far the best short story I've read in a long time. Usually I make it to about the second page before just X ing out the page but this story had me entertained the whole time. great job, and am interested in reading some of this authors other work"
Captivating
"Overall, Ethereal Princess was a great read. It seemed to strike a pleasant balance between eloquent detail and a mockery of how ridiculous and pretentious fantasy lore can be. The story uses immediate and deep character development, grotesque battle scenes, a playful dose of humor, and subtle vulgarity to captivate its audience. Imagination was consistently provoked as the plot developed through colorful dialogue, which allowed for the apparent personality of the characters to surface almost immediately. While this reader was left wishing it had more substance in the back story of the warring kingdoms, the writer did an excellent job allowing the story to stay within itself in spite of typical expectations from fantasy fiction. The story does not bow to the desire for exponential layers of detail to provide a false sense of realism, rather it maintains its identity as a screenplay. As the adventure came to an end, this reader truly appreciated the sense of irony in the title."
A darkly humorous, satirical play on the ‘damsel in distress’ cliché
"After reading this story, I was surprised to find such a negative review. I don't often write reviews, but I am compelled to do so now. The reviewer below seems to of had ill-conceived expectations of this short story. The tone of Ethereal Princess may it clear from the get-go that this was never meant to be an epic high fantasy but rather a darkly humorous, satirical play on the ‘damsel in distress’ cliché and I think the author pulled it off quite well! This story reminds me a bit of a Monty Python quest. It’s probably the most experimental submission on the list as most seem to take themselves quite seriously. True, it's a funny story, but with a sincere heart. I really liked the underlying themes. What you see is not always what you get; the strength of a woman should not be underestimated. Ethereal Princess is written well, grammatically and otherwise. The story is fluid. I never found myself getting bored. I laughed a lot as I suspect my fellow voters did. It was refreshing. Good job! *****"
Lyra's sweet laughter
"The story was very entertaining and an enjoyable read. I agree with LiLi's review, with the exception of one point : "The part about John "enjoying the taste of her [Lyra's] strawberry" was a little too obscene given the context of the story." If you look to the entire passage and it's context, there is nothing "obscene" at all. The reference to "the taste of her strawberry" was a perfect simile - comparing the sweetness of Lyra's laugh. to the hidden sweetness inside of a strawberry.... "After only a little more traipsing, John found his spot. He set about setting up camp-one tent at first, then a reluctant second. The camp-setting process was tedious, something he often had Janus and Rena do. He even asked Lyra to help, who, in turn, laughed at him. He grew angry at the indignity, but it was a nice laugh that carried with it a hidden sweetness, the ripe inside of a strawberry. And boy, did John enjoy the taste of her strawberry. “You have a nice laugh, you know, even if it is at my expense.” Give it a read, you'll enjoy it."
Lyra's Fire
"Amazing! This was one of the best stories here on Inkitt. Lyra appealed to me instantly. Her charm and strength shone through right from the moment she coldly regarded Minsor's ordeal in the bedroom. Her witty exchanges with John were funny, and I was convinced that she would not leave him. The action was wonderfully described, and there was a great flow in the narrative. Rena and Janus seemed a little typical, with Janus being bold and Rena being smart. Their loyalty to John shone through, and it was their arrival which ultimately saved John. The magi and goblins were both dark creatures but the differences between them were interesting to note. The magi's magic elevated them to a higher level than the goblins who were degraded repeatedly as being "imps". The magi's weakness was perhaps a little surprising - their magic was easily defeated by the physical attacks of the Dragonians. The part about John "enjoying the taste of her [Lyra's] strawberry" was a little too obscene given the context of the story. Lyra's sadness at her life shone through when she contemplated her choice between her father, Minsor and of course our own John. John's arrogance was most sexy, and it had me feeling a lot like Lyra. I could totally understand her falling for him in the end. Lyra's feminism was inspiring. Us women need to show the world that we do not need saving. The damsel saved herself from Minsor without any interference from the all-too-eager John. It was a wonderful take on fantasy. Good job."
An Amusing Read
"The summary alone caught my interest, but the first paragraph was what really sunk the hook in. My first thought was, "What did this John character do to warrant a fireball being thrown at him?" Suffice it to say, I couldn't help but read it through, start to finish. This was definitely an interesting, satirical take on the typical damsel in distress situation, with a "hero" that makes you want to laugh and roll your eyes at the same time. You did an excellent job in delivering the lines, descriptions, and of course, the action. Some of the dialogue could use some work, and there are areas that require tightening up, but for the most part, I enjoyed the humour in it all. Keep up the good work. Hope to see more stories from you in the future. :)"
Unsure???
"I am usually not one to read short stories which could explain why I was left with a feeling of 'what did I just read.' First: I think the best character out of them all was Lyra. She was well developed, courageous, and unexpected for a princess. After I met her, I found myself looking forward to reading more about her throughout the rest of the story. Second: I didn't really see a plot?? However, again, I am used to reading long stories where there is a beginning, middle, and end. Within this, all I found were a couple of battles used to pull two characters together, introduce others, but then randomly jump to something else. There never really seemed to be a moment for me to catch up to what was happening. It was a large flurry of activity that left my mind spinning. Third: 'He used his great, big, diaphragm to sigh so joyfully, so loudly, that in fact John heard him over the clamor.' Would this type of description be considered over exaggeration?? Yes, we know his diaphragm is large, but it feels as if reiterating that fact does not help to convey the imagery. Instead, it feels unnecessary. Fourth: The words spoken by the mage, when he calls everyone fools, gave me pause because I wondered, do mage's really say that? Do they fall into the cliche of saying fools? When I read the words, I imagined Bowser in the mage's place trying to conquer Mario. It felt childish, but this is a comedy and that could have been what you were going for? Fifth: 'His victims eyes popped loose from the blow and rolled trails of blood along the granite floor.' Loved the imagery here. Sixth: '"Good observation!" John screamed as he ran onward.' This part seemed rushed and by this point I viewed John as a childish hero. He doesn't strike me as someone to admire, but someone to chastise. Again, this could be something you were going for, but his personality was not one I fell in love with. Seventh: When John sat in the chair, I almost expected an explanation as to why he was at the castle. A sort of, how I got here memoir, to help clarify what I was reading. Instead, the next sentence rushed into the introduction of the princess and I was like, 'oh okay, were moving on then.' lol. It was one of those moments where I felt rushed through the story and didn't have time to absorb and understand. Eighth: The one bad thing I have to say of Lyra is how easily she was about to disrobe for the bad guy. Later on she talks of how he is gross and she's glad to be away, but then why, earlier on, was she about to be like, okay lets disrobe without any questions asked?? She didn't protest once to the suggestion and that striked me as odd. Ninth: When the bad guy screamed he was accosted and needed help, I almost expected him to say "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Mixed emotions. I wanted to chuckle because of Lyra's words, but also I was like meh can't he say something less cheesy? Tenth: The sleepy stuff. Chloroform. Wouldn't someone using the sleepy stuff know the name of it?? Or was this another moment for comedy? Eleventh: 'hella pissed.' Did they say hella during this time period? Or another moment for comedy? Twelth: The no. really. no. really. I couldn't imagine if John was just repeating the word really? Or if he was changing his tone to try and wheedle himself into her good graces. And then the no. ugh. fine. I felt Lyra gave up to easily there. I would've enjoyed it if it had just ended at no, a declaration of her stubbornness and character. Thirteenth: The strawberry comment gave me pause. Was that meant to be dirty? Seems a bit out of place. Fourteenth: When was it ever a good idea to drink when you realize the princess has been taken by goblins? I didn't find that humorous. I found it ridiculous actually. It didn't make sense! And it felt as if it were an attempt at something funny, as if the writer read through the story, then said I need something else. And without much thought made the hero drunk for funsies. It wasn't a part of the story I was partial towards. Maybe if they were in a bar and were drinking together, and she was taken from there? It might have flowed better, but the hero now drunk was an abrupt addition and it just didn't flow in my mind. Fifteenth: If John is talking while drunk, and Minsor and Lyra are close by, how did none of them hear him before he charged into the clearing?? Another thing that didn't make sense to me. Sixteenth: The last paragraph was a cute way to end. Overall, it was a meh kind of short story for me. Usually when I read something, I expect it to make sense. If a character does something, there's a reason for it. When some of the characters did things that didn't make sense it was off putting and I found myself wondering, why instead of laughing. There were some great parts. Great imagery. Lyra was a strong character, but not everything was all there for me. Thanks."
AD&D Campaign Come to Life
"This story reminds me of a typical AD&D campaign among old friends. There's not so much a plot as an extended series of battles, minutely described, and the sarcastic remarks and banter that would normally occur around the table. Indeed, even the language is curiously 21st century in its colloquialisms ("whatever," etc,), than anything that might exist in this world. I don't think this is bad, necessarily, but it depends on what you go in expecting. If you love a story which is basically a description of fighting, then this will be an enjoyable read--it's certainly well-written. However, if you look for an interesting plot, unique characters (along with some sort of development), and ideas that typically come with a fantasy setting, you might find this meager fare. I think more care should go into marrying the characters' language and the writing of the piece with the world itself. However, I realize that many readers would be fine with this and would even prefer the anachronistic spin on a mythical world."
Fairly juvenile
"I'm guessing the author's age is around 16, as this story contains many silly and unbelievable components - even for a fantasy setting! Sighs are heard over the clamour of a battle, dismembered heads fly over ramparts, eyes literally pop out of heads, penises catch fire and explode in a 'gut-mist.' And that's all in the first couple of paragraphs! After that, we have to listen to bragging, unlikable 'heroes' who talk like no humans I've ever heard, in this world or in fantasy. People say things like "hella pissed" and 'spunkiness.' Dialogue goes like this: “No.” “Really?” “No.” “Really?” “Fine. Whatever.” Story goes like this: bragging, alcoholic idiot home-invades, chloroforms, and then kidnaps a young princess. Princess then falls for him (!) and goes skinnydipping in the hot-springs with the bragging idiot spying on her and having a conversation with her abductor, drugger, and potential rapist - while she's bathing naked in front of him. Princess is then kidnapped by exposition-spouting, horny goblins who threaten to use magic on her if she doesnt obey them and "marry" the goblin leader. Then the author accidently repeats a paragraph from earlier on in the story, about eavedropping on the princess bathing and the sound water makes dropping off her body. Then another penis gets exploded by a fireball. Yep. Another one. Then the princess and her first abductor literally walk into the sunset to live happily ever after. Seriously. Those words are used. All in all, this was painful to read from start to finish, and the fact it's near the top of the reader-votes is a travesty. The sexuality displayed is laughably immature, and also violent and 'rapey.' Take care!"
