Roots

Ever since I was younger, I’ve always been a sucker for sunrises. There was something so beautiful about starting your day surrounded by darkness that slowly bloomed into colors. Growing up, my friends and I used to stay up all night playing Monopoly. Most of the time, we took so long and spoke so much throughout playing that we only managed to finish one round before we went to the park to watch the sunrise. We would sit by the lake, all three squished side by side, and stare at the sky transform and reflect off the water. Not much was said until we made our way back to the house, where we would inevitably crash until 2 pm.

Life was simple, then. I miss it. I miss being a kid and having the time to admire the world as it passed me by. I miss being able to wake up at 2 with no repercussions. I miss having the time to stay up and watch the sunrise. I can’t recall the last time I stayed up and watched the sunrise. There were too many things going on, too many things that I got lost in. I forgot to enjoy the little things that made me happy and part of who I am. It only took one gut-wrenching heartbreak to make me realize it.

Edwin Miller.

Yup. I got my heart ripped out and stomped on by a limp dick-asshole named Edwin. The name itself should have had me high-tailing it out of there the minute I met him but I’m no better than a man. His baby blue eyes mesmerized me, pulled me further and further from the shore of common sense, and deeper into his manipulative grasp until I was drowning.

Now, here I was, sitting on a park bench by myself in a city I hate watching the ugliest sunset I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing. All because of Edwin. It took me a while to sift through my jumbled thoughts, most ranging from a string of curses to self-pity but most importantly embarrassment. How embarrassing it was going to be to explain this to my family or how embarrassing it was that I left home and moved here for a man like him, how I’ve put everything on hold for him only for him to ruin everything.

For the first time since he patted my thigh and left me here, I move. Getting up, I pull my phone out of my pocket and make my way down the familiar path leading me home. My mind barely comprehends what my body is doing before the familiar voice rings out from the phone pressed tightly to my cheek.

“Hi darling! How’s my baby?”

A sob nearly breaks through me as my eyes gather tears quickly. Before moving here, before Edwin, I was super close with my mom. I would see her almost every day and going from that to seeing her two times a year was extremely hard on me.

“Dolly? You there?“, she asks with a bit more of a worried tone. Not wanting her to worry about me, I force myself to reign it in by taking a deep breath.

“Yeah, mom. Sorry, the Bluetooth on my airpods didn’t connect right away. How are you?”

“Oh, busy busy. Your brother’s are coming over so I’m just trying to prepare a meal fit for an army.“, she huffs exaggeratingly but I know she loves it. My mom loves cooking for others and is an avid believer that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach which is why she always tried to encourage me to cook. Too bad, maybe if I had, things with Edwin would have turned out differently...eh, probably not. “What are you up to, darling? How’s work? Edwin?”

Is now a good time to tell her? Probably but I’m too much of a wimp to tell her that my boyfriend of 4 years just dumped me on a park bench in the middle of a city we moved to together. She would just start asking a bunch of questions I wouldn’t be able to answer nor am prepared to.

“Uh, nothing just taking a walk through central. Actually, I was thinking of coming back home for a bit.”

Something like a pan falling sounds through the line followed by a disturbingly loud moment of silence.

“Mom?”

“Yes, honey? You were saying?”

“I want to come home.”

“Did something happen with Edwin?”

“NO!” I say, a bit loudly causing a few heads to turn my way. I quicken my footsteps, avoiding their gaze. “I just...I miss everyone and I work online so it’s not like I’ll be missing work. It’d be nice to see everyone.”

“Well, I for one can’t wait for you to get here. When do you land? I’ll make your favorite supper and your father can pick you up from the airport. Or-”

“Mom, relax”, I cut her off with a small laugh. “I haven’t even booked the ticket yet.”

“Done. I forwarded it to your email. Dad will be at the airport to pick you up. Just text us when you land tomorrow.”

“Wait, tomorrow? Mom, I-”

“Love you, Dolly. Bye!”

The sound of the call disconnecting stops me in my tracks, causing the people in back of me to send a couple dirty glares my way. I check my call log just to make sure my phone call was not a figment of my imagination or me spiraling after the breakup. Nope, the call is there.

The swoosh of an incoming email alerts me. I open my emails and find a confirmed ticket back home. For the first time in a couple months, I feel good. A wave of homesickness hits me and I know that I’m doing the right thing about going back home. I quickly check into my flight online and download the boarding pass to my phone before continuing my journey to my apartment.

I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but for the first time in a long while it feels like this is something I’m doing for me. Once I’m home, I ignore the framed pictures on the walls or Edwin’s slippers strewn carelessly by the bed. I focus on packing everything I could possibly need into my luggage and before I even realize it, my apartment feels empty as if I was never here. I decide I’m not too mad about it as I think of tomorrow.