No Way Down

Later, in the news, they would write it off as a mass hallucination. A freak accident. An unfortunate incident. Clinical, corporate words that couldn’t possibly capture what we’d been through. The Alpine Trail is completely secure, higher-ups would reassure wary visitors and donors. We are certainly saddened by what happened here. We offer our condolences to the loved ones of those they lost. Make no mistake— it was certainly a tragedy, but nothing more. Nothing malicious.

Trust us– the Alpine Trail is safe.

But I know what I saw in that field. No amount of press conferences denying it or psychiatrists telling me the opposite will convince me otherwise. Here’s what happened:

We hiked that godforsaken trail.

We got to the top.

Then we fought for our survival.

It wasn’t as simple as just leaving to get away from the hell that was that mountaintop. Oh, no. There was no escape. No refuge. Nothing to shelter us from the monsters that lurked inside and out. In short?

There was no way down.

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Some Weeks Earlier

February 28th, 2025

“Why is this such a huge deal?” Abby asked, leaning over my shoulder to squint at my phone screen. Her heady perfume made my nose itch– when I tried to scoot away, she just moved closer. Um, personal space much? I attempted to scratch my nose discreetly, but gave up when she gave me an odd look. Ugh. “I haven’t talked to them in months,” I said as I wrote and rewrote the same sentence, trying to make it perfect. “I can’t afford to fumble this. What if they say no? Or worse, leave me on read?” In the past, anybody who did such a thing would be virtually crucified via endless teasing about how they were “too good for the rest of us”. Now, I wouldn’t even be surprised if the words underneath my text said Delivered for days or weeks. I’d been the glue that was keeping us all together. And when that glue dissolves. . . well, so does everything else. “So what if they do?” She shrugged. “You’ll still have me.” I forced a smile. Oh, joy. Abby was nice, but she was more of a survival measure than a friend. I liked to think of her as a pocket pal, kept stashed away in my back pocket to be pulled out if she ever became necessary. For instance, if my friend group of four years suddenly decided to leave me high and dry out of nowhere. But that would be ridiculous. Never in a million years did I think I’d actually end up using her. I chewed on my lip as I deliberated the latest version: who wants to hang out? Those five simple words carried so much weight. There was one word they could respond with that would actually crush me, though: No.

“I think you’re overthinking this.” Abby yawned, stretching her pale, skinny arms above her head. Of course she thought that. She didn’t get it. She never would. So, instead of trying to explain it to her, I muttered, “Maybe,” hoping she would leave me alone. But she didn’t stop there. “I mean, seriously. You’ve been trying to send this text for the last–” she checked her Hello Kitty watch, “– half an hour, almost, or the past few months, if we’re being honest. Yet you’re still no closer than when you started. You need some. . . encouragement.” A mischievous smile lit up her impish features. Without warning, she lunged for me, hands outstretched. “Give it!”

I fell back on my bed with a shriek. For a horrible second, I had the irrational thought that she was trying to kill me, all Mrs. White-strangling-Yvette-style. Then I realized what she was really trying to do and I screamed again. “Are you crazy?! Get off of me!” Her perfume assaulted me full-force. I swatted her hands away as she grabbed for my phone, her long nails scratching my arm. “Ouch!” I writhed furiously, but for such a thin girl, she was surprisingly strong– within seconds, my hands were empty, and she lifted my phone against her head in triumph. “Yes!” She cried, leaping off the bed and scrambling to the opposite side of the room. I righted myself and stood up. “Abby,” I started slowly. I recognized that shrewd glint in her eyes and knew nothing good had ever happened after. She had my phone, which was still on. There was no telling what she’d do with it. I put out my hands placatingly, trying to talk in a soothing tone. Like trying to convince a wild animal not to rip you to shreds. “Abby, whatever you’re about to do, don’t.” Her arms waved wildly. My phone dangled precariously from her fingers, about to drop at any second. My heartbeat choked me. Why, oh why hadn’t I thought to turn it off before she could go all crazy on me? “Abby. Give it back.” How could she be so anxious to please, yet so utterly chaotic? She continued her strange little jig, hopping from foot to foot and grinning wildly. I almost expected her to sing-song the words “Come and get it!” Instead, she cradled the phone in her hand and began jabbing at the screen, mouthing words to herself. “No!” I screeched, trying to intercept her. But I was too slow. By the time I’d reclaimed my phone, Abby was cackling madly, and I soon saw why. She’d sent my message. I stared in horror at the little blue bubble, those five pathetic words trapped inside.

Who wants to hang out?

“Abby!” I cried, dropping my phone as if it’d burned me. “What did you do?!” She shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest, her expression caught between smug and scared. “You’ve been driving yourself crazy for months. I thought I was doing you a favor.” She shifted uncomfortably, clearly unsure of herself now that the mania had passed. I took deep, gasping breaths. Oh, Abby, no. I cradled my head in my hands and stayed that way. After a few minutes, Abby grew tired of this. “Oh my God, Caro, it was just a text.” She whined, dramatically stomping over and snatching my phone off of the floor. I gingerly peeked in between my fingers, unable to watch but unable to look away. “What are you doing now?” I groaned. Grumbling, she fiddled with the screen. Out of nowhere, her face lit up. “Ooh!” She exclaimed, eyes widening. “One of them responded!”

This caught my attention, even if it was because my innards twisted with a wave of fierce and burning nausea. “You’ve done enough. Give me that,” I snapped, taking back the device because she could cause more trouble. I didn’t sneak a peek at the screen, too afraid to look. “You’re not going to see what they said?” She pouted, tucking an errant strand of dark hair behind her ear. I shot her a blistering look. “No,” I quickly pocketed my phone and angled myself away from her. She rolled her eyes and flopped on my bed. Her green eyes looked clouded in thought. “You don’t need them, you know. I think it would be great if you guys reunited or whatever, but you don’t need to.” She mumbled, frowning slightly. I sat down on the bed, too, crossing my legs. “It’s not that I need them. I just miss them. Like, really miss them. And if we could reconnect, then. . .” I trailed off with a shrug. Shouldn’t I at least try? She adjusted her glasses, blinking furiously. I waited for her to say something else, but instead, she shook her head and looked at me hopefully. “Can we make the cookies now?” If anything, baking would take my mind off of the unread text gnawing at my brain. Not a bad way to distract myself. I afforded her a beaming smile, pleased when she smiled back. “Chocolate chip or butterscotch?”

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The cookies came out great– a little burned on the bottom, but with sweet, melty rivers of chocolate running throughout the buttery dough. Pinterest-worthy perfection. I snapped a dozen pictures for my Insta, including a few selfies of me and Abby, which she was more than happy to take with me. I scrolled through my camera roll to find the perfect ones to post. In one of them, there’s a smear of flour dusting her cheek, and she’s holding up a peace sign; in another, we’re both laughing at something I’d said, cheeks scrunched up and eyes bright.

For somebody in such distress, I looked remarkably happy. The text bubble lurked at the top of my screen, waiting to be read. I was too nervous to look, stuck between all-too-fragile hope and barf-inducing anxiety. To check or not to check– that’d been the question for the past hour, and I still didn’t have an answer. Abby had offered to look for me, but I’d declined. What if they’d said no? There would be no hiding from the shame that would undoubtedly sour my features, and her pity would only make it worse.

Now that she’d left, I was restless, stalking the length of my room and back again. I paced the room, stockinged feet thudding the rug as I wrung my hands and tried to think positive thoughts. Maybe they’d said yes! Or suggested a better idea! Hey, it could’ve even been a friendly ‘no’! Just because it might’ve been a refusal didn’t mean that it had to be one with a side of disgust. Right?

My gaze strayed to my phone, lying lifeless on my nightstand. I started to approach, then stopped. “Oh, Lord, Caroline. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Abby was right. You are overthinking this. Just go look. What’s the worst that could happen?” I felt like I was going to throw up all over my pink shag rug. I wanted to Google how to scrub vomit from the carpet, just in case, but that would require my phone. The one that was still on the nightstand. “Don’t just stand there, go!” I repeated, trying to hype myself up. My feet moved about a centimeter, but at least it was in the right direction. Just a few more steps. I tentatively shuffled forward. It was at the pace of a geriatric turtle, but it was still better than standing still.

Finally, I had my phone in my hands. With shaking hands, I turned on my phone. I messed up my password twice, my fingers were so unsteady, but then I was in. I stared at my home screen image; all five of us at the beach, sun-kissed and glowing against the setting sun. Reiki and Isla put their hands together to make a heart, giggling; Lindsy had her tongue stuck out, stained pink from popsicles; and I was pressed up against Gabriel, the result of a playful jostle I’d pretended to be mad about at the time. In reality, I couldn’t have been happier. In the photo, my arms were braced on his bare chest, and we were staring into each other’s eyes. You could’ve confused us for lovers. The thought sent thrills down my spine and back up again. Me and Gabe. Lovers. If I hadn’t ruined everything, then that could’ve been a possibility.

Focus, Caro! I chided myself. It still can be. . . just check your messages! I opened my messages app, scrolling to our old group chat, buried under other texts from other people. Not my people, though. They could never compare. I cringed when I saw they’d been underneath Abby’s number. Abby’s! Talk about a fall from grace. Eyes squeezed shut, I quickly clicked on the group chat. I’m going to count down from ten. I told myself. And when I hit zero, I’ll look. 10. . .9. . .8. . .7. . . My heart pounded so hard it hurt. I couldn’t hear anything else—just that, and the rising whine in my ears. 6. . . 5. . .4. . . Too close! Too close! Slow down!! 3 ½. . .3. . .2 ½. . .2. . . Bile bubbled up my throat. I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet, hot and cold at the same time. I couldn’t open my eyes. I couldn’t! 1 ½. . . 1. . . ¾. . . ½. . . ⅓. . . ¼. . . Shoot, I’m out of fractions! No more time to waste, then. I just had to go for it.

I pried my eyes open and read the message in the dark bubble with bleary eyes.

Reiko: sure, I’d love to! what time?

I nearly cried from relief. One down, three more to go.

Lindsy: Like on a hiking trail? Y’all know I’m not athletic lol

Reiko: Dw! We’ll go easy on you, Lin <3

Isla: Can I bring Dylan??

I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. Like, hard. Who was Dylan? How had I been replaced so quickly? Worse, how did I not realize? Something dripped onto the phone screen, and I realized a tear had escaped. I furiously wiped my eyes dry. Chill, Caro! Don’t be That Friend. Isla can have other friends, too! Well, duh. But still. . . it hurt. Based on the others’ reactions, they knew who this Dylan character was and immediately responded with a big NO. So I was the only one out of the loop. Great. I took a deep breath and soldiered on.

Isla: Ugh, fine

Lindsy: Love u tho

Reiko: Wbu, Gabe?

That was where the thread ended. I had the sudden, strange compulsion to throw my phone out of the window. He hadn’t responded! The one person I wanted— no, needed— to say yes, and he didn’t even dignify me with a response! Nothing! I didn’t know whether to stomp around or start wailing. Muttering under my breath, I punched out a text to the others, trying to keep it chipper.

Me: Great!! Any preferences, guys?

That question was mostly directed toward Reiko. She and I were the main outdoorswomen in the group. The others were content to trudge along with us, but lost interest within a few hours. But Reiko and I could hike for days. Last summer, we spent two weeks traveling a trail together. It was one of my favorite trips. I glanced over at the Mt. Cloud sweatshirt I’d gotten as a souvenir, thrown onto the back of my vanity chair. Our affinity for nature was something the others always viewed as odd but never outwardly rejected, and I loved them for that. After all, I didn’t understand Lindsy’s bookishness or Isla’s makeup routine, but I accepted it all the same.

Reiko: Whatever you want is fine!!

Lindsy: Something easy, I am BEGGING y’all!

Isla: Anything’s fine by me

Gabriel had to have read these texts, but it was still silent on his end. I swallowed my disappointment. Three out of four was still way better than I was expecting, anyway. It would still be a fun adventure. Suck it up, Caro. Big freakin’ deal. I sent in a few ideas and told them to pick the one they liked the most. Despite my objective success, I still felt heartbroken. I almost went and texted Gabe personally, but that would’ve been truly pathetic. So I gushed with the girls about how fun this fully female trip would be.

Gabriel didn’t answer, and he wasn’t going to.

Just like that, I knew.

Whatever we’d had—whatever we could’ve been— was gone.

Little did I know that his absence would be the least of my worries for this hike.

Hi, all! Thanks for reading the first chapter of my silly little story!

If you have any predictions for what might happen next, I'd love to hear them-- drop them below while I share a sneak peak into my thought/writing process!

Caroline is definitely my personal favorite character to write so far. While there are still some very cool characters you haven’t met yet, I’ve really enjoyed exploring her insecurities, desires, motivations, and the tug-of-war between her head and her heart. It’s such a relatable inner battle for me, and I hope it resonates with some of you, too.

What are your thoughts on Caro and her character, especially her treatment of Abby vs. her old friends? Was it harsh? Honest? Understandable? Let’s talk in the comments!

- xoxo, kitkatkisses 🍫💋🍷