Chapter 1
Dear Alex,
Before you get to freaking out because I wrote you this letter after all the jokes we’ve made, calm down; understand that this isn’t like that. I’m not breaking up with you and I’m not planning on doing something that would result in me permanently being taken away from you. This letter is simply to talk to you. To say that I love you and give you a few examples of how much. Maybe by the time you get this it’ll help you fully understand how much I mean it when I say that I’m not going anywhere. That I’m not leaving you regardless of what happens. Once I’m back home, I’m coming straight to you and running into your arms. I miss you honey bun. I miss your smell. I miss your hugs and how warm and loved I felt in them. I miss the beating of your heart when we cuddled with my head on your chest. The rhythmic hum will always be my favorite melody. I miss our one second too long hugs because we don’t want to say good-bye, but we know that we have to. I miss the way you kissed my eyelashes and my forehead when you thought I was sleeping. It’s only been a week, but… fucking hell… I could go on for several pages about all of the things that I miss with you, but baby it’s you I miss the most.
Alex, from the very beginning you’ve been everything that a girl could want and somehow, I’ve been lucky enough to be that girl. Your girl. You are so handsome with such a beautiful heart. So kind, caring and nurturing. I know you’ll be a great husband and father when the time comes. You are the kind of boyfriend and human that is beyond words of wonderment. Everyday I grow more and more thankful that I even have you in my life. I can’t believe, or even begin to describe, how lucky I am to have found you. When I’m sad, only you can make me smile. When I’m mad, only you can calm me down. When I’m freaking out or feeling insecure, it is you who helps me and my self-esteem. You make me feel beautiful, even on the days where I know that I could’ve tried just a little bit harder. You make me feel understood.
You never accuse me of being emotional. You never get mad at me when I’m too in my head. On the days where the dark clouds steal away my sunlight, you share yours until mine is strong enough to shine again. You’ll never fully comprehend how indebted I am to you for all of these little moments. I promise to pay you back with every ounce of love my heart can give and then I’ll push it to give you more. You make me feel like my presence, my persona and my heart are both accepted and appreciated. You showed me that it’s okay to be overwhelmed by emotions that I can’t control and still taught me how to not let it control me. Of course I’m still learning not to let it, but eventually I’ll get there and it’ll be all because of you.
You helped me to understand that whereas everyone will feel how they want to feel about me, it is you who always stayed true. You never switched up on me. You never thought I was weird or just flat out ignored me because you could. Nothing can equate to the acceptance that you have given me. The understanding that you have shown me. The complete freedom to just always be myself that you gave me. All of this and sometimes you still question if I’m going to leave. Though it is not without reason, I assure you that I am not going anywhere. You’ve taught me a lot whether you want to believe it or not Alex, and for that I will always love you.
Alex, you taught me to love my name, myself and everything surrounding me. I have a new appreciation for life itself and everything that comes with it because of you. I am a better me because of you. I understand more because of you. I, personally, feel like more because of you. YOU TAUGHT ME TO LOVE MY NAME! Really love it and not just pretending too. Do you remember that? Do you remember when you showed me how much you loved me, my name and lavender itself?
… … … … … …
The kind of smile that was on my face should have been considered illegal. To say that I was expecting this letter from her would be a complete and utter lie, but I was happier than words can explain when I got it. Lavender is and will always be the love of my life. From the day that we first met, she’s been the most beautiful flower in the meadow. My grin spreads until my cheeks hurt at the thought. That one statement was how I got her to love her name. Truly love it, not just pretending…
The day was dark and gloomy. The weatherman on every news station at every hour had been reporting on the last thing that I wanted to hear; rolling thunderstorms for the next week or so. I hated the rain. Hated the smell of it. Hated how it stopped everything or made it all slow down. Hated how it left things soaked in its own dirty water ruining the beauty of all surrounding it. To make it worse it was adding its own drum beat as background noise. People were going to be in a lot of bad moods, sleepy or complaining about how sad they are because they can’t go out and play in it. If it was up to me, I would stay home, but alas, I had to be an adult on my off day. The plan was to get everything done. First, was a stop to pay all my bills, forever the worst part of my day, but it needed to be done. I also needed to go grocery shopping, but that could wait until the storm passed. Once that was done, I found myself parked next to a park just to take a moment to breathe. The clouds were starting to roll in and the wind was picking up. I still needed food and was quickly thinking that maybe ordering out would’ve been the best decision for now. Luckily for me, my favorite taco truck was next to this park also. There was a smile on my face as I headed towards the truck seeing that my favorite worker was there. She was the only thing to lighten this horrible weather.
“Good evening Lavender.” I greeted the moment I was in front of the truck. She jumped looking around as I laughed. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Can you forgive me?” I teased. She rolled her eyes before giving me the finger.
“You have ten seconds to order and then you’re banned forever.” She joked. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. “Consequences darling, you aren’t exempt from them.” She teased. My smile widened as a bubble of laughter escaped me. Fuck, words couldn’t explain how much I loved this quick banter with her. It was always abrasive and she constantly threatened to ban me.
“You’d never ban me love, you’d miss my money and my face too much.”
“Money, yes. Face, meh, I can do without it.” she spat before laughing dead in my face. My mouth actually dropped open. The amount of mirth in those beautiful gray eyes put pure joy into my heart despite the increase in signs of the oncoming storm. “Seriously, it’s good to see you Alex. I’m surprised you’re out considering how much you hate the rain.” I shook my head. This was the problem of supporting an old friend’s business. She worked this truck in rotation with three other people. I’d met them once, but they weren’t why I came. Lavender was. I met her freshman year. She was new and she was beautiful. Curly dark hair that reached the middle of her back caressing her smooth caramel skin. Stormy gray eyes that showed she was on a mission. I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t noticed her curves, even then. At five foot four she was picture perfect, and then I’d gotten the chance to work with her on an assignment. Fucking hell, her personality outshined her beauty and made her radiant.
She was a no nonsense kind of girl when it came to us working. Brainstorming, outlining, the research, setting it up and finishing the assignment... All of it was meant to be taken seriously. I liked that about her. It showed me that she was responsible. That no matter what we did, or how much we played, she’d take the assignment just as serious as I... If not more. Seeing how serious she could be while we worked only made me want to see how she was when it came time to play. Just as we finished the majority of the workload, I asked her to come with me to that weekend’s party. She tried to warn about how much fun she could be, but I just thought that was just a thing women said. I believed it was a lie.
I was wrong.
She really was the life of the party. Everyone loved her. She could talk to any of them and hold a conversation without it growing stale. At that party everyone was her best-friend, but we both knew that come Monday they would be ignoring her again. I hated that for her. Right then and there I made a promise to myself, a kind of vow, that when she was with me I’d make sure he knew and understood how special she was to me. Looking at the smile on her face as we bantered back and forth, I knew that my personal vow was one that I’d never have a problem keeping.
“I do hate the rain. So why don’t you fix my usual order to go and make it double then I’ll give you a ride home.” I offered. My heart was beating out of my chest. Often we were alone together doing the things that friends did, but it always felt like more to me. It always felt like I was two steps away from missing my moment. Right now felt like my moment and I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to finally make her mine. She grinned at me before nodding her head in agreement.
"You know Alexander, I do believe I will take you up on your offer.” she teased. “I was getting ready to shut down anyways. I hoped I would see you before the weather got too bad. Ta-da!” she grinned like the geek she was before handing me a bag of food that was definitely more than my usual order. “I was going to stop by if the bus didn’t take too long. It’s been entirely too long since our last movie night.” she whined and I had to stop myself from doubling over in laughter.
“Yeah. because two nights ago was so long.” I added in sarcastically.
“See! You get it!” She laughed as I shook my head. She really was beautiful. The way she tilted her head back as her laugh took her until her shoulders shook always kept me in a trance. She was radiant naturally, but when filled with mirth she was a goddess. Looking at her too long when she glowed would hurt your eyes if you dared, but me… I could never look away.
“Are you ready to go or not ya dork?” I joked. She grinned before nodding her head yes and locking the place up for the night. I waited for her as I stood back and watched her more like she was the rarest butterfly and this was a once in a lifetime sighting. It was worth it, it would always be worth it. Then she was done as she skipped over to me and grabbed my hand, forcing me to run with her to my car. The second we were in with the doors closed it began pouring down like nails and screwdrivers. I was shocked for a moment, trying to figure out how I hadn’t noticed the very thing that I hated and then I got a whiff of her scent. “Is that the perfume I bought you?” I asked not even caring that I just had word vomit. She blushed, refusing to look at me as she gave whatever she was looking at outside the window her full attention.
“Well, I saw it on my dresser this morning and realized I’ve never once used it and decided that today I would.” she began to shrink into herself just a little bit more as her shoulders practically touched her ears. Every inch of me wanted to reach out and grab her, pulling her close until she was in my arms pressed against my chest and feeling safe to be herself again. It was an urge that had filled me since high school and no matter what I did, it just wouldn’t go away. I was her protector and I was getting impatient waiting for her to notice it. For a moment the air itself seemed to paused as I struggled to convince myself to say what was needed to say. As scared as I was it was starting to feel more and more like this was my moment and a much bigger part of me needed to know the truth.
“You decided to wear the perfume that I bought on a day you were hoping to see me and even wanted to hang out. Why is that?” I sounded breathy. Like somehow I was breathing fine while simultaneously getting the air caught in my throat. Waiting for her answer was like waiting for a train to hit you from six hundred yards away.
“Well,” she paused to clear her throat before turning towards me. There was this shy confidence that had taken over her features and instantly my mouth went dry. Her eyes were begging me to understand what my brain couldn’t comprehend. At this moment it seemed like she knew everything. My silent vow to myself to protect her. How broken, sad and alone I felt when she disappeared after freshman year. The pure, unfiltered, unbridled joy I felt when she showed back up senior year. The amount of twists and turns I went through just to ensure we’d have at least half the day together. How many times I begged a teacher to put me with her on projects. The excuses I’d find just to eat lunch with her and ignore my friends. How I got her a job at the same place I was working at. The excitement I felt when she’d told me she’d chosen my college to go to. How I always made sure she had something to eat in the dorms. How I begged my parents to help me get an apartment right outside of campus because she cried to me about how much her roommates hated her. Right now, I swear, she knew it all and the urge to just kiss her kept growing. “Well, I was kind of hoping that you would notice.”
“I noticed.” I growl barely holding on to the last bit of control I still had. “Now what?” she stared at me for a moment, the silence making me think and rethink what I really wanted to do and then she sighed. Whatever she was battling with, the part that scared her is what won.
“I’ve liked you for a long time Alex. Have you noticed that yet?” she asked and the last of my restraint was standing outside getting drenched in the rain. My hand cupped the back of her neck as I pulled her towards me until those luscious plump pink lips were on mine. Finally.
“Always the prettiest flower in the meadow.” I whispered against her lips before placing my own against hers again. I’ve waited so long to kiss her like this that I already knew it was going to be hard to stop. Luckily for me, I had some time before the storm would die down. Stopping wasn’t an option until then…
The grin was back on my face as I stared at the letter in front of me. It was crazy to think that all this time later I was still as in love with her as I was the day I truly got to know her. The moment when we first kissed two things happened that I couldn’t be more grateful for. She learned to truly love her name, the flower and the scent. I learned to love the rain, but nowhere near as much as I loved her. Smiling down at this letter, I knew I would need sustenance in the form of food to continue on, because right now, I was tempted to buy a plane ticket and go get my girl. For the moment, I’ll try to contain myself and finish this letter she wanted me to read so bad, she actually mailed it.
