Prologue
SEVEN YEARS AGO
On a perfectly normal Tuesday evening in July, my life flashes before my eyes. Not because I die. Well, not physically anyway. But everything that I thought my future would hold—attending the university of my dreams, marrying my childhood boyfriend, forging a successful career as an architect—disintegrates in the space of one conversation.
It’s a jarring realisation, the one where you find out you might not get to walk down the path you’d planned or experience those milestones you’d imagined a thousand times in your head. It throws you out of kilter. Sucks the oxygen out of your brain for several seconds. Renders you numb. Confused.
“Isla?” My brother’s hesitant voice draws my gaze back onto him. “Say something. Please.”
Words. I need words. The only ones that come to me are Robbie’s own, playing on repeat. NHL. Draft. One-hundred-and-ninety-fifth overall. Canada.
“It’s…” I begin.
It’s what? Going to change my career path? Break up my relationship? This isn’t about me. This is everything Robbie’s ever dreamed of. His passion. His path. The panic of what this means for me still clogs my throat, but I don’t want him to think I’m selfish.
“Congratulations.” I contort my lips into a smile, hoping my brain will be tricked too. “Hundred-and-ninety-fifth overall. That’s…”
“I know it’s not amazing—”
“It is!” I rush to insist. “British players are hardly ever drafted, right? This is an insane achievement, Robbie. Seriously. I’m so happy for you.”
And just in case my face isn’t as convincing as I’d hope, I wind my arms around his neck to hug him. Because I am happy for him. Genuinely. He’s not just my brother. He’s one of my best friends. Robbie, Maddie, Patrick, and me. Four peas in a pod. The pod is going to split in half soon.
Patrick and I won’t have that wedding that we planned out when we were seven.
I won’t ever meet Maddie’s secret boyfriend.
No. I’m spiralling. There’s no reason those things can’t happen. I won’t be living in Canada forever. And I can’t take away from Robbie’s happiness by stressing about a future that was never certain anyway.
“I said to Mum that I wanted to tell you myself,” Robbie then says. “But if you didn’t want to join us, maybe you could try to convince her to let you stay? Move in with Nan and Grandad? And if you get your UCL grades—which you probably will because you smashed your exams, right?—then it’ll only be a couple of months until you’re at uni. You could come see us during the holidays.”
Nan and Grandad live in Durham. Six hours from Maddie and Patrick. I’d still be moving away from home. And can I really ask Mum and Dad to keep paying for flights to Canada during the holidays? Or keep me afloat when my student loans run out each term because my expenses will inevitably be higher? They’re going to be forking out God knows how much for Robbie. I don’t want to be a problem when the sensible decision is to move with them.
My brother deserves this. He deserves my support after everything he’s done for me. Those late nights tutoring me in maths. Driving me to and from Maddie’s house whenever I asked. Helping me sneak out to Patrick’s without telling our parents.
The least I can do in return? Support him.
“And miss seeing your first ever NHL game?” I ask him with an easy smile.
Laughing, he rubs the back of his neck. “I’m probably not going straight into the NHL.”
“Well, when you do, I’ll be there.”
