PROLOGUE
CHRISTOPHER
The world didn’t revolve around us, but in moments like this, it sure as hell felt like it. We were the center of the universe, something far greater than what we actually were--three boys getting high under a starry night sky. In some way, I was overwhelmed by how perfect this moment was, and at the same time, I was at peace. A lifetime of bullshit and months of worries were somewhere far from here as they should be--if only for tonight.
Something spiritual was in the air and it wasn’t because of the good weed we snatched from the party we ditched. My undoing was all because this was the only place to make me feel like I was floating in the ocean, rocking back and forth, lulling me toward inner tranquility. Yeah, the magic of the high wasn’t the cause of this calmness. It was this place that allowed me-no, us--to let go of all the tension we have been holding on to for the preceding months.
It was this place that was keeping me together--not the presence of the two guys by my side.
We silently laid on the bed of Sean’s truck,parked in our spot on the hilltop--the one they showed me back when I first moved to Blackhelm. Back then, I was still cautious of their easy friendship. Why they ever chose me--saw me--will forever be a mystery to me. But still, I’m grateful for whatever it was that brought us together. The first time we came here, before it was our spot, it was their spot.
I transferred in the middle of the semester.Slightly angry, slightly angsty, and really hoping I’d blend in with no one to bother me. Obviously, things changed. I met them on my first day, had my defenses blasted through like dynamite to paper, and was taken to what was ‘their’ spot in less than a month.
That day, we trekked to the top with the two of them riding their bikes side by side. I sat behind Marco--the biggest and brawniest of the three of us because I didn’t own a bike, never had. Excusably, Sean thought it was because I had just moved. All the suburban kids he knew owned a bike, a skateboard, one of those realistic toy luxury cars that could seat one or two tiny humans, or at the damned least, a scooter. I just went with it. There was no need to say I didn’t even know how to pedal a tricycle.
Three years ago, the space that had previously been special to them and known as only exclusively theirs was forever then re-cemented as--ours.
Our spot was the best spot in the entire universe because we were always welcomed by a flawless blue sky or a blanket of a thousand stars. Away from everything. Away from anything that could hurt us. Our spot was a respite.
Now, three years had passed since we met and things were about to change. A coming of age, a right of passage to adulthood--we had our own journeys to walk. Theirs, still together, arguably an hour away but still side by side and possibly until the end of time. Mine, alone. They claimed it would only be for now, but everyone knows going to college is a relationship breaker.
Whether it was platonic or romantic, not seeing each other for months on end--until the occasional short Thanksgiving or work filled summer--doesn’t exactly help keep a connection, even one as strong as ours, alive.
I’ve been with them for three years--long enough for me to change from the broody loner I once was to the absolute attention addict whose best high was from them. In just three years, I’ve gone from blissfully miserable to painfully happy, I hated imagining what would happen four years from now.
They’d graduate college together. They’d make more friends, maybe replacing me. They’d fall even deeper in love and become so engrossed in their future as a couple that they’d decide to get married and invite everyone but me... their high school friend who was more like a charity case than anything else.
Their best man would be a new college buddy and their wedding party would be filled with Marco’s teammates or one of Sean’s many girlfriends. The friend-friend kind because lord knows Sean was made to be gay since God thought him into his grand picture. And more than that, God knew that Sean loved Marco and Marco loved Sean so much that nothing could ever come between them.
Of course, all these worries weren’t circling in my head at the moment. Those thoughts weren’t welcome tonight. Because tonight was perfect--and going to stay that way, at least until tomorrow came and everything that was tonight dissipated within the flow of time.
I was tucked between the two of them, snugly cocooned in a blanket big enough for three teenage boys to share. The night was warm, but it didn’t stop us from cuddling close to each other. Their intimate behavior rubbed off on me over the years. A casual hug or hand-holding was normal for them--something that only increased in affection when they became a couple, not long after I came into the picture. I never used to be a touchy person. It was weird at first, foreign. But as time passed, I slowly found that nervousness I felt toward their touch slipped away. And now, when they hold me like this, I melt like warm jello.
The two of them held hands over my stomach--probably needing the connection to each other just as much as I needed them. I needed them... 'cause come morning, they were leaving. And I was going to be here. Still in Blackhelm. Still floating along with the waves, because this place was home. Since I came here, I’ve been chained and anchored to the small town. It was all I ever asked for. Anything more was too much for someone like me. I wasn’t like them. Leaving here would be like tearing newly formed roots--not branching out.
I wasn’t going to leave. They were. They promised me that they’d come back as much as they could. Since I’ve known them, they’ve always kept their promises to me. But even if they break it... I’ll be alright.
Because we had tonight.
We had perfect.
