SelF CarE Journeys

SelF CarE Journeys By WulfF420

Prologue: Clean Slate

Kendrik Rosenbound POV:

I’m at the club again - it’s been a great night. They played my single about three times because drunk chicks kept running up to the DJ: “Play that song again! The little one that says ‘anxiety attack’!” I smile. Yeah, that was a great pun: lashing out with my frustrations, terror filling my soul at my devastation potential. It’s kinetic, and I’m obsessed with it. violence snaps back like a smack - that’s why they call it an anxiety attack.

I see a dude on the floor wylin’ out with his stuffed animal backpack and his pride shirt, his blond hair and piercings, shaved-under short dangly long hair and the mustache. The porn stash - why do they do that? Although, it does look cute on this one.

The YDG remix of Artemas’s “I Like the Way You Kiss Me” begins to play, and I see his body language change to “oh shit, that’s my jam.” So then, I begin to make my move. This is my jam too. I approach him and dance beside him for a moment.

I speak: “What up, how you doin’, bro? Havin’ fun tonight?”

He replies, “Oh hell yeah, I been waiting for this festival all year long.”

I’m like, “Aw yeah, bro, you don’t even know - I love this place! This track is so my jam, yo!”

He replies, “Aw hell yeah, me too!”

I take my shot: “Wanna dance together?”

Time freezes, and everything stops. I’m shaking and my heart pounds. Suddenly, all is right in the world as he says “Hell yeah!” showing his interest.

Oh thank God!

It was a hilarious transition for us. We were both slam dancing at first with that oh hell yea energy. I was doing my binky bounce sans binky for a moment. Then, after we decided to dance together, we turned to a slow dance with provocative grinding from both points. I hugged his chest and air twirled to behind him and thrust my hips squatting down and taking in the view occasionally. Then he forced me in front of him with my back to him, and he grinds on me with his arm around my neck. I layed my back into him filled with ecstasy. I grind back into him and squat down ridding my body down his and back up again. I present myself as more submissive to him as I passionately ride his leading grind.

Suddenly, he grabs my hair, pulling my ear to his mouth, and says, “I think I want you.” I break his hold on me and spin to face him, pulling him into a hug while still dancing, and lay my head on his shoulder facing his face. I say ,“oh do you now? well, let me tell you.” then I smile, “the feeling is indeed mutual.” we continue dancing as the heat between us builds to a crescendo. I look him in his twinkling hazel eyes. I really hate making eye contact, but the sight was gorgeous. As we grind, the song begins coming to an end, and I say, I Need You Right Now. The amazement took me over as this gorgeous boy dancing with me then said, “I Won’t Let You Down!”

In my shock, I thought to myself: Holy shit, this gorgeous dude just got my song reference and made the exact promise I needed in the same instance. How did this happen to me? That two years back then really helped me and made all this possible. I say aloud, “You got my reference; oh, you are perfect!” He looks down at the ground a bit as to say “no, I’m really not.” but I grab him close to me and let him know without saying it from my wounded gaze: “Yes, you really are!” The next song comes on, and it’s mine again. He looks at me, “I love this one too.” I say to him: “Oh yea! I do too!” actually I kinda hate it, though, being as I sold it to them. No fame, but I got money at least.

As we dance close to the song, I grab his shoulders and push him back a second and pull in close. “Hey, are you ready to get out of here? We can come back later. I’m deffinitley returning tomorrow for day two of the festival and the next day for day three. I’m going to be here all day and night every day of it. Even, with going back home from time to time. He says, “Sure let’s go.” I say, “cool, let’s go to my house.“I think to myself, ” I actually need to go to my house anyways.” I lead him to my car, and we hop in, and I light a smoke and hit my vape. Then I pass him the vape and I set up my music player. I play Spag Heady’s Dont let me down remix and drive off shaking nervously and looking at Him next to me in the car, making sure he is real occasionally.

The journey between the festival and my house is rather quick; it’s a short distance. We arrived and entered my house. We get settled in. I offer him food and drinks, but he politely declines I don’t want anything either. Except, I do guzzle a decent amount of water from one of my jugs. I turn on youtube and let my mix play, choosing the link that opened with Said And Azazel; I Said Meow. I smile largely at him, and he returns the entertained smile. The subtext of our smiles said exactly that. I want you, and I said meow.

We both move toward each other and embrace in my living room and begin kissing. We feel the passion of our touches ignite an invisible inferno in my house. Our two flaming auras intermingle, and you can almost see the smoke and steam our fires create. We start to undress each other, but we both pull away as if realizations occurred to both of us at the exact same moment. I tell him that I need the bathroom. I grab him and hug him as he lays his head on my shoulder for a second. I whisper in his ear, I’ll be right back, and then I’m all yours. He tells me to hurry back. At the moment we were about to part, I was like, “wait, what’s your name again?” He then said to me, “you know, actually I don’t think we got each other’s names at all; I’m Joey” I said, “Kendrik, nice to meet you Joey, you sexy little beast.”

I rush off to the bathroom and reality sets in. What am I going to do, here? He is going to know, and then he probably won’t be interested anymore after. Oh shit! My changes are all in the bedroom. If I had ran off to the bedroom, it would have been weird. I kinda forgot that I got what I always wanted and have to live with the aftermath for life now. What would he say to me right now? He would tell me I am not like the rest. I am special. I am different, and I am enough. This doesn’t make me less. He would tell me that He is proud of me, he loves me, and if Joey is going to love me, he will accept me as I am. I am not less; I am valued. My special mind even makes me more than them. I feel like I am broken, however, but if he heard me say that I might even get spanked.

I look at myself in the mirror, tears of worry but also tears of joy at this opportunity tonight. The lessons I was taught in those two years about my self worth also flooding back to me with overwhelming joy shedding these tears. I begin to undress myself. After removing my pants, I see myself again, and I sigh. I am so happy this happened, but now I am also rather worried. Those words hit me again: “I am not less... If he is going to love me, this won’t matter to him”. I then take off the sodden diaper I had on, and I quickly shower off thoroughly.

I come out of the bathroom and look at him. He had put his backpack on the floor beside my door and sat down in a recliner. He is staring at the song pictures as music plays from DuB SteP Gutter on YouTube. I told him sorry I had to shower off I been dancing and sweating a lot, and I want you bad. He then says, “that’s actually a good idea for me too. Do you mind if I use your shower too?” I tell him, of course, he can use my shower; my home is his home as long as we are together. this night is all about us and maybe this weekend too. He goes toward the bathroom, and I panic inwardly; I left the diaper in the bathroom trash; he then turns, “oh yeah, I need my bag. I want some fresh boxers after I shower. Then, you are gonna get it. I rush to the kitchen ahead of him and snatch some paper towels off the holder and toss them into the can in the bathroom as quickly as I can. Saved.

After he closes the bathroom door, I enter my bedroom. I am free-balling it right now and already feel the urge; I can’t stop, and it lands on one of the changing pads I lay at my dresser and bedside. My bladder is overactive without a diaper on. with it on, it regulates, but I remain incontinent. I hope these black pull ups fool my bladder for now. I know he will have to know. At bedtime, I have to put my industrial adult baby diapers back on or we’ll all be in trouble. I honestly should probably tell him before we have sex even, but this is so hot. I don’t want to blow it. I so desperately want him to be with me.

Joey Veilshine POV:

What a night it has been. It’s been so exciting the music, the vibes, the people at the festival; this really is what I craved all year. I was so glad I was actually able to go. I finally had the money for one of the raver bear back packs, too. I’m so happy. It goes perfectly with my rainbow t-shirt and tie-dye hat. My tie-dye socks and black shoes with the LEDs in them go with my Black yoga shorts and pull it all together. The black shorts and shoes are creating a bit of dark mystery with my colorful coordination and whimsical accessories. I finally look how I always wanted. When I dressed that way in the past, they all took me for the wrong person. I don’t need you to be my daddy dude, I’m a 31 year old bachelor making it on my own. I don’t know why I just jumped into his arms tonight, but I just knew I wanted to hold him in mine after he approached me, guiding me to take control.

I remove all my jewelry and accessories with my hat and outfit and carefully place them on the counter. I also get fresh Marvel’s Rocket the raccoon boxers out of Raver Bear. Look, just because I’m a dominant top doesn’t mean I can’t be cute; that’s just my style I like kawaii and raver style. That adorable Goth Boy in there was hooked; he couldn’t take his eyes off this getup I think he likes this style too, but chose the goth rout to be more impressive tonight. I wanna make him up like this and see him in action at the festival. I wonder if he will let me? I honestly think he is searching for someone to dom him to take control and ease his mind, desperately. He is probably going through something right now. I think I want to be there for him.

It dawns on me that I need something else out of the bag if we really are about to go through with this immediate hook up I need to ready my prosthetic penis. Attaching it before showering I can shower like a man and make sure it is clean; it hasn’t gotten much use, however, so it’s perfect honestly. the guys didn’t want me anymore after... I look at my pleasant pecks in the mirror while I stand naked in his bathroom. I also self-consciously look at the scars, but if you love me, you love me; if not, fuck off.

I showered and got dressed except I put my jewelry and hat in Raver Bear. I didn’t need to accessorize for what’s coming up next.

Kendrik Rosenbound POV;

I cleaned up the damp under pad on the floor from the dresser front. I also picked up the one by the bed too. Now all the evidence of my condition was hidden. I threw on a black muscle tank and black shorts next. Then I heard Joey coming out of the bathroom. I went out of the bedroom to see him. His wet hair was straight and long, and his hat off made him look even cuter. Here, he was the real adorable man in front of me with his jewelry and hat off just his hair, face, body, and basic clothes. At that moment, I knew I chose the right one. I played a slower dub step song and walked up to him wanting a hug and a slow dance for a moment. He gladly obliged and met my need perfectly. As our bodies pressed together, I felt something hard. I smiled at him and said, “I’m happy to see you too.”

Still dancing, I gave him the impression, and he was receptive, so we began moving toward the bedroom door. Lightening our embrace so as not to crash into anything as we moved to the bedroom, I glanced at the tent he was pitching, and I was certainly ready to catch it. Twirling around each other as we entered the door, we made for the bed. I pinned him down with my embrace as we kissed. Suddenly, I needed to cough, and I turned away, raising my hand with my finger extended to turn my head. I was on top of him, and I stopped coughing and returned to the passionate display as he suddenly flipped me down on the bed and held me down and kissed me in return. He raised off me, and we began to get lateral into the bed. I saw my dresser and panicked.

At the same time, I saw my dresser in panic; he also noticed it. We really were in sync because when I looked at my dresser with a bone chilling realization, he looked at the same thing with a shocking revelation. Damn it! how could I have been so stupid? all the care I took to hide my condition from him, and I leave the neon sign sitting out in the open on my dresser top. I knew I should have been honest with him before we went all the way, but I didn’t want to ruin it. Oh Shit, now he will want to leave, and I will have to drive him back to the festival while my heart shatters into a trillion pieces; he may make fun of me to the others at the festival and ruin it for me this year. Would I even be able to go back next year or would I get PTSD and never want to go again?

As if he could tell I was having a non-expressive silent panic attack he began to calm me. He grabbed me and smiled and said, “wait, what? Thats awesome!” He stood up and ran right over to the packages of my industrial printed diapers we both just spotted. He took one out of the package and looked it over. He spoke, “Dude, that’s so cool. I didn’t know they made them like that for adults. They are so cute. I can’t wait to see you in one, but that’s just going to have to wait for a bit.” my head went fuzzy, and I felt like I was about to pass out, and of course, the blushing also had to take hold. He then said, “awe, look at that blush, how sweet. Honey, it wasn’t really hard to tell you wore diapers when I was grinding on you all night. I don’t mind at all b t dubs.”

I was utterly shocked, I thought... no actually, I hoped it wouldn’t have been noticed. How was I to know, however, this was my first time. My first time ever feeling strong enough to actually try to pick up a guy. He interrupted my thought process, watching my dumbfounded face, “Don’t worry. Nobody will notice the bulge at first. Unless they really are looking for it, but on the dance floor. All the stuff we did, I could definitely tell you had one on. I was not expecting it to be like this, though, but I dig it.” I said, “well those kinds just work the best for me and I like the way they look, honestly. He said, “oh yeah, I don’t blame you; they are indeed cute. I like kawaii fashion if you couldn’t tell by my raver bear. So are you an actual little then underneath all that cold dark handsome bravado you carry?” I blushed and stared at the floor: “Yes, I am.” I sighed.

I got up while I sighed with a shutter in my breaths, and I started to get ready to go. I then apologized profusely saying, “I’m sorry I lied to you about my condition and my identity. You want me to just drop you at your camp? I can’t expect you not to, but could you please not spread this around about me?” He looked at me inquisitively and said, “Kenny?... I’m not going anywhere. I forgive you for trying to lie to me. However, next time there may be some consequences, mister.” I said, “next time? what? wait... first of all, I don’t intend on making it a habit! so, what you’re saying to me now is that you are actually staying?” He said, “Yes, Kendrick. There is a relationship here. I darted to his side and took my diaper out of his hands and set it on the dresser. Then I wrapped my arms around him tight, then I kissed him. Next, I dragged him over to the bed and layed on my back planting him in front of me. Standing between my legs as I lie there, I sit up and begin fussing with his shirt and pants, but I could see him on guard.I pushed him back and asked what was wrong. Is it because I’m a little and you feel weird about it? Don’t worry I consent and Im big enough right now.

He said no, it wasn’t that, but that was good to know. He then steeled himself and took his shirt off, revealing his top surgery scarring. I looked him over, and then I told him he was beautiful. Then he said his genitals were different as well. I then said, “Joey? my gorgeous MAN... I love the person that you are. You are perfect in every way. He gripped onto me so tight that I almost died from complications of crush syndrome. Then we gave way to the thralls of passion as a tale of old rivaling that which was immortalized for the ages. As we then committed acts of a carnal nature too numerous and impolite to depict an accurate description of here and now.