AT THE BEGINNING
I know it is not his fault it is mine. I should know better, he has already told me multiple times, if I try to leave, I will get hurt. I touched my wrist; it was already turning blue from where he held me. Small things like that didn’t hurt anymore, I was used to that kind of pain. “See what you made me do. You can’t join me at dinner with some important people, when your wrist is looking like that” I nodded and looked away. I hated the way his eyes could almost glow in the dark when he got angry. “Look at me when I am talking to you!” he yelled. I looked at him, trying not to let him see the tears in my eyes, he would just be even angrier if he saw it. “You make me look weak! A wife should be with his husband supporting him in every decision! You are a pour wife.”I knew that, he had said that for the last ten years almost every day. “I am sorry” I tried to smoothen out the aggression. It didn’t help. Before I could blink, he hit me in my stomach, making me fall to the ground. “Stop being pathetic” he moved around me slamming the door behind me. Finally, some peace. I slowly stood up, holding my hands around myself. I was nausea, slowly walking to the bathroom and ended up puking blood. He got me good this time. His hit was hard and calculated, normally nobody would be able to see any bruises on me. Always hurting me, places there were easy to hide, and never in the face. The pain was mostly just vain, but my body still reacted to the hits. I started to laugh, sitting there on the bathroom floor, unable to do anything without permission or getting hurt. How the hell did I become so lost.
Thinking back to the beginning where everything was easy. I didn’t have any family, so I took care of myself. I met him when I was fifteen. He swiped me off my feet and made me fall in love instant. He did everything to make me happy, so sweet and gentle. I came from nothing, so I was blown away, with all his power and his possibilities in the world. There were a few red flags, but nobody is perfect. It was after our wedding that everything became clear, I had made a mistake. A huge, big fat fucking mistake. He could go from happy to exploding in seconds. Always making sure that no one saw his real side, his black soulless side. He was a monster, and I couldn’t get away. I tried so many times, but he always caught me. One time I even managed to get to France before he found me. He had me locked in a room for weeks after that, beating the shit out of me, telling people that I was sick and had to be in bed. I had always at least two bodyguards around me. He made me walk around with him, pretending we were the perfect couple. We had to be a power couple, otherwise he lost it, thinking it made him look weak. He hated the thought that nobody would look down on him. He had to be the best at everything, even when it meant cheating. He had me on a special diet and a personal trainer to make sure I looked as good as possible. It was a bit too skinny for my taste, but when I told him he freaked out and threatened me with more beating. He selected all my clothes, shoes and jewelry. He chose everything and I would just agree, trying not to get hurt.I was starting to give up. I had tried to flee so many times, and it never succeeded. I was tired of this life. I managed to get myself off the floor and went and took a hot shower. The warmth suited me, making my body relax. Right now, we were staying at a fancy hotel, to be accurate – one of his hotels. We were on a business trip. He had a lot of important people to meet, and I had been stupid enough to think I could escape him. His bodyguards found me within a few hours and bought me back to him. They all knew what a monster he was, but they couldn’t change that. Does anyone speak up they will be the one beaten up, a few had tried in the past years. If I could see any of the new guys being uncomfortable, I would make sure they got fired. I would not have anyone to be beaten just because of me. I had put myself in this situation, it was my fault.
I went out of the shower and tried to watch some TV. My mind was spinning. A constant battle in my heard, giving up and staying with him, or fighting to my last breath. I wouldn’t survive ten more years with him, but I couldn’t escape him either. His violence kept increasing and at one time he wouldn’t stop before I was dead. I was sure he would kill me if I stayed. But there is no way that he would ever let me leave, it would make him look weak, he thought. Maybe I should just go to the balcony and jump out, I was high enough so I would do the trick. But he would just find some other girl to terrorize.
A knock on the door snapped me back to reality “Who is it” I asked. One of my least favorites bodyguards went inside, with a plate of food. “Eat now, or I will make you”. His name was Derrik, and he looked me in the eyes. His eyes were almost grey, like there was no soul left. Knowing some of the things he had done, he must have lost his souls many years ago. He knew what James did to me, and he never intervened. I took the plate and quickly ate the whole thing. I wasn’t hungry but I could eat it, or it would be forced in me. He took the plate out of my hand and grunted “He needs you at the bar in an hour, try to look pretty. I think you should start applying makeup on that wrist. He would not like anyone to see that.” He walked outside, and I could breathe again. Derrik was the head of security, and he hated me as much as I hated him. We had used much time together, and he had taught me a lot of things, but I could feel the hate from him. I slipped in a tight black long dress, with long sleeves to mask my wrist, some black high heels and some diamond earrings and rings. With my long brown curly hair hanging loose, naturel makeup with eyeliner making my green eyes pop, I looked good. The questions were if he thought I looked good enough.
