Chapter 1
Nature has amazing properties. Escaping from the city bustle into the forest or field, one feels relaxation, as if all problems and worries disappear, dissolve. Nature absorbs all burdens and negativity, then fills you with an incredible surge of energy. Nature is amazing. Mesmerizing. Soothing. Peaceful. Still, there is only one artist on earth who perfectly masters the skill - it is nature, perfectly combining colors and building harmonious compositions.
Sometimes I leave the city for the forest to relax, to be alone. I like to watch as the leaves begin to yellow and the sun illuminates the crowns of trees giving them a golden hue. Against the blue sky, these yellow and red colors look amazing. The still warm breeze gently touches the skin and gives unforgettable sensations. Green grass can be seen among the fallen leaves. Since childhood, I’ve been drawn to nature—its purity, its quiet simplicity, and its quiet complexity. Even as a little girl, I used to wander into the park near our home just to watch the buds slowly open, the first tender leaves appear, and how, come autumn, they would drift gently to the ground.
And now, surrounded by trees and immersed in the colors of fall, I didn’t even notice I’d stepped off the path. The forest was not dense and I was not afraid of getting lost. Enjoying the nature and clean air, I saw a beautiful arch of trees ahead. Their branches seemed to reach for each other, intertwined and formed an arc. After photographing this wonder from every angle, I naturally walked under the arch. Maybe this place was once part of someone’s estate, and the arch had been intentionally created. Imagining who could have done such a thing, and who might have lived here before, I didn’t notice how time flew by. Wow, a few hours had passed in the blink of an eye. I should head back—it’ll be dark soon. I walked back to the road and walked out to my car very quickly. That’s weird. It took me about an hour to walk that way, and now it only took me a couple minutes to reach the highway. Turns out there’s an arch of trees not far from the road. I must have been zigzagging, but then why couldn’t I hear the noise of cars? The forest, not even a forest, but a thicket, the trees were a few meters apart and the noise from the road should be audible. I got in the car, thought about it some more, and drove home. I don’t remember how I got there, probably under the impression of the walk and the strange arch or from fantasizing, but I found myself at the house. The sky, somehow, had quickly turned black and the stars were already shining. After dinner and a bath, I went to bed.
The next day I gathered the staff who were working on the next issue of the magazine and told them that we had to have the final version of the issue ready by Friday. The guys looked at me strangely and assured me that today was Friday and everything was almost ready, they just needed my approval.
“But it’s Thursday,” I said, surprised.
“I’ve been working too hard... It’s Friday.”
I checked the calendar on my phone. It was Friday. What happened to Thursday?
“Yeah, that’s right. Time flies fast. Oh, okay. Uh-huh. I’ll check everything. Get to work.”
I was alone in my office. Strange, how could I have gotten the days mixed up? I was doing something, working, preparing an issue, I remember that, but I didn’t feel that day. Work stress can do a lot of things to the brain. Once we sat in the office for a week because we couldn’t figure out what the next issue of the magazine was going to be, and then the time flew by. It happens; I really get worked up. Sometimes I don’t have days off at all, I just go home to shower, change, get some sleep and then go to work again. But right now, I had this weird feeling. Okay, it’s just a fast-paced day. That’s probably why it didn’t stick in my memory.
We prepared the next issue of the magazine faster than usual and my bosses gave me three days off. I bought groceries and decided to spend the weekend at home, in total isolation. Sleep, eat, watch movies and read books. Two days later, the phone rang in the morning.
“Where are you? The chief was asking for you. You overslept? It’s okay, it happens. Get ready, we’re waiting. I told you about the print shop, but why you need to go there, if they ask you. But I don’t think they will. Bye. Bye.”
My assistant called. She always asked a lot of questions and talked fast until she had everything she wanted to say. After rapidly giving me all that information, she simply hung up. I lay in bed not understanding why I had to be at work today, I still have a whole day off. Maybe they had something important and were texting or calling me? I checked my phone and found no messages or missed calls. Everything I’d done these days I remembered, and it felt like it had been two days. Or was it three? Standing under the cool jets of water, I tried to reconstruct the weekend and analyze everything I had done during that time. It felt like two days, but it felt like three.
The next time, I couldn’t keep track of the two dates. I remembered all the events, but the dates were erased. I remembered the nineteenth clearly, but the twentieth and twenty-first seemed to pass me by. I thought it was the twentieth on the calendar, but it turned out to be the twenty-second. And my visual memory fixed the number nineteen, and the next two dates I did not remember, although I often look at the calendar. And now the date ‘Twenty-second’ was displayed on the phone screen. I was startled, of course, but I gave a reasonable explanation to myself. One day looks like another, so they seem inseparable. And in the calendar, though I saw the numbers, but my brain did not perceive them. Anyway, I guess it’s time to slow down and ask my bosses for a full vacation. But when a week was lost, I was scared out of my mind. That week flew by like a couple days. What am I supposed to do now? Who do I turn to, who do I talk to? I’m terrified of everything that’s happening to me. Should I see a psychiatrist or a psychologist? I think there’s something going on with time. Or is it me? Although, I remember everything, but the days go by at a faster pace or something. I don’t know how to explain it. For me, time flows like normal, at least that’s how I feel it. I need vitamins and rest; they will help me. I decided to track each day and mark them on a calendar. By focusing on this activity everything came back to normal. The days went by with little interruptions at work. I relaxed and came to the conclusion that I was really overstressing myself. Until January came around. I stopped keeping track of the days. Holidays, hustle and bustle, guests, congratulations and relaxation. From December thirtieth to January third, I spent like all people. Preparing and welcoming the new year, relatives. And then, and what was then? A few days I rested at home, and again the working routine took me. When I looked at the calendar, I saw ‘February’, ‘13’. I remembered everything I had done, who I had met, who I had talked to, where I had traveled, but unlike others, my time flew by very quickly.
The door opened abruptly and my assistant appeared in the doorway. She was smiling, but gradually her face changed and her cheerfulness evaporated, she looked at me fearfully.
“What are you doing? Are you sick? You’re so pale. And your hands are shaking. What’s wrong? Don’t scare me.”
I couldn’t say a word. I just stared at her.
“What’s wrong? I’m going to get some water. How about a sedative? Boss? Fired? Here, drink this.”
I drank the drops. The assistant was silent for a few minutes.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yes. Thank you. I’m fine. I don’t know if it’s a panic attack. I just got really creeped out, and my hands are cold. I think it’s a circulation issue.”
“Oh, don’t freak out. And see a psychologist or a doctor. You’ve been working too hard. Of course, you’re overwhelmed — so much responsibility and no time to relax.”
“Okay, go. I feel better already. ”
“Okay.”
What’s going on? Why do I remember all the events, but the dates don’t stick in my memory? Weekdays, weekends, everything is normal, but at the same time it’s very strange. It’s like I’m unconsciously living my life. I’m not willingly falling into another time stream. Or am I being transported into a parallel reality? Thrown from one state to another? When I focus on the date, it’s as if I come to my senses, wonder ‘Where did the days go?’ and it turns out that nothing is forgotten. But why can’t I focus on dates? I live a certain amount of time; and then I stop and focus on the numbers, and for a while everything goes back to normal, like everyone else. And again, another period of time flies by at an accelerated pace, and I can’t keep track of the numbers. But I feel like time is flowing as usual. Or is it? What’s going on?
I spent the next few days trying to find similar cases on the internet. They seemed terribly implausible. Everything I read was more like memory lapses, but I remembered everything. The only reasonable explanation was science. Time flowed differently for everyone, speeding up or slowing down. Some said it was a peculiarity of the brain, some kind of frequencies and rhythms. I guess it’s the same for me. I don’t travel through time, I just perceive it in my own way. Eventually, I realize where I am and what I’m doing. It’s worth seeing a psychologist.
Once I had made up my mind, I scheduled an appointment.
I was met by a pleasant woman; her quiet voice was soothing and put me in a trance. She listened attentively to me and took notes.
“Your life goes on, you’re handling your usual tasks, but it feels like time is speeding up. You can’t focus on the dates,” the doctor clarified.
“That’s right. It’s strange—I remember everything, but—”
“You’re concerned about your sense of time?”
I nodded.
“It happens. It’s rare, but it does happen.”
“I can’t focus on dates. I mean, I see them, but I can’t really perceive or retain them. At first, I thought I was just tired or overworked. I hold a responsible position, have several people under me. Probably because I’m so focused on work, I can’t focus on the calendar. Several days just blur into one or two.”
“You feel like time is moving too fast?”
“Yes. But I know that the amount of work I’ve completed couldn’t have been done in less time.”
“So, you’re comparing the work you’ve done to the time it’s taken?”
“Exactly.”
“And you find they match?”
“Yes.”
“So, the issue is with your perception of time?”
“I think so. Or at least, I think I think so. I don’t know... it just feels strange.”
“When you actively track time, does everything seem normal?”
“I tried to monitor myself.”
“Or time?”
“What do you mean, ‘monitor time’? I don’t get it. I was tracking dates every day, and everything seemed fine again. But then I relaxed... and it happened again.”
The doctor smiled gently.
“You yourself said you have a lot of responsibilities. You’re overloaded with work, and you don’t take time for yourself. Your entire life has turned into a stream of tasks. Sleep, for you, is just a gap between work sessions—not true rest. Even going to the bathroom at work isn’t a break, it’s just a built-in function of your workflow. You don’t separate it from work. Honestly, I bet you barely remember when you last went. You perceive breaks the same way—as functional pauses, not actual rest.
You need to start distinguishing rest from work. Here’s a technique: when you leave your workplace, say to yourself, ‘I’ve finished all my work for today,’ and as you walk out the building, say, ‘Work is over.’ Then, as you head home, say, ‘It’s time to rest.’ Try that. Also, keep tracking dates and time consciously. For example: from nine to six, ‘I work.’ The rest of the time belongs to you.
But just to be safe, book an appointment with a doctor and get a full check-up. And afterwards, come see me again. It would also help if you kept a journal of your thoughts and experiences.”
Despite the psychologist’s reassuring words, I was still alarmed by her question about time control, so I started looking for information. I came across several articles. It turns out that there is such a disease or deviation, when a person feels time in his own way. There are cases when they feel time slowing down, time speeding up, and there are even people who do not feel time at all. This is not yet a fully understood disorder, but from the descriptions, it doesn’t sound right to me. People with these time perception problems have certain symptoms. I also came across several publications that interested me that described how the brain works. For example, dysfunction of dopamine neurons causes time perception disorders. If I understood correctly, a lack of dopamine speeds up time, an excess slows it down. The higher the dopamine, the slower time flows and the better the brain works. Is it a mental disorder? Or is it an organismal trait?
I asked for time off and went to the doctor, but I didn’t want to explain everything that had been happening to me. I’ll just say I have a headache. I just said I had a headache and asked for a checkup.
After spending a whole day in the hospital and passing all kinds of tests and procedures I was asked to come for the results in a few days. I waited for the verdict in such tension that my head really started to hurt.
The doctor, a rather pleasant man, looked at me curiously. His gaze made me uncomfortable. After a few moments, he smiled.
“Don’t worry, you’re fine. There’s no change. Not even a little abnormality. You’re perfectly healthy. Your tests are excellent and everything else is normal too,” he was silent for a while, then continued, “but your head hurts from overexertion. You probably think too much,” the doctor joked, chuckling at his own words. “Rest and take your vitamins. They don’t hurt anyone.”
