Entry 1
Entry 1
January 1, 1812
It is of the New Years day. I am to celebrate by a party as I am invited from the letter that I recieved in my daily mail this morning. The celebration is to happen tonight at the sunset of our dear moon. I am to arrive in a fashioned old suit made by the black silk fabrics of the servants and my walking stick which I only use for such occasions. I am by no means incapable of walking myself to and from place. In fact, my age rather brings women of youth to eye me from a distance. Though I seek no need to marry my grandfather says that I should find myself a lady at the party. Perhaps then I will find the right wife. I do not wish that however. I am in need of peace and solitude. Marriage is the embodiment of the disease that will rid me of what I must have.
Moving on to the details of tonight, I had been introduced by an aristocrat. Though there were many, none were like this man named Cadmon Brown who posed himself as an eloquent soul whom held in great wealth. I was not amazed by his riches but rather his character. When I went to shake his hand, he held a very strong grip. Viper, almost like a snake. His face hold pride, his standing courage, his eyes grace. I bide myself to level my head at the same height as his so as not to seem discouraged for the amount he had more than I. We had talked for quite some time while we held our favorite drinks being brandy, at some point wine. I couldn’t really understand as to how or why we were at our most gayest joy in laughter for we had not one thing to laugh over. We were drunk as a sailor on board his ship! How daft of us I should say for ourselves to get drunk in a party held by another spoken rich englishman! Nevertheless this is a New Years celebration. Maybe all drunken hours will be forgiven.
I daresay, all this talk about taxes, what tomorrow shall bring, and harboring new servants were wearing us down. It is one’s own duty, gentleman and lady, to be accustomed to talk and not abandon the ways that we are raised in. However, I could not stand such blissful lies for my feet began to drum of tired walking and even then as I sat I could not sit no more. I had excused myself to use the nearest facility where I may relieve myself but I was not there to do so. A few minutes later, Cadmon excused himself for the same reason as was I. Unbeknownst to the guests at the party, both of us escaped out the window inside the bathroom. We giggled like school girls and ran back to my home. My little house, a small mansion unfortunately, as the mansion which held the New Years guests was slightly larger than mine. In my bedroom, we drank some more brandy and conversed on subjects that we had actual interest in. No interruptions had been made as I asked my servants not to bother us no matter what.
As we talked, Cadmon had been reaching for another pouring of brandy when the bottle had fallen and broke, spilling over the said alcoholic beverage and having broken pieces of glass on the floor. I had begun to pick up those fallen pieces when Cadmon tried to as well. Our hands touched by shear accident. We faced each other. Surprised by our actions we did nothing but stare. I was the first to advance. My lips sealed his. Indulged by the taste of our lust, we carried on to the bed where he opened me up to a different sort of love. Waking up the next morning had put me far in a fearful mood. Though our incident last night would be kept a secret, the people near shall know somehow in one way or another. It is said by the tongue of God and heard by the ears of man that it is ungodly for a man to be seduce by another man’s dignity in such a manner. I fear for my life. Its days might come to an end. Paranoia has gotten the better of me. I write in this journal to keep myself sane.
Good heavens, what will the people think of a rich englishman who thought it best to reveal himself to another man in the most inappropriate manner? I spoke to Cadmon about the subject. He has said not to worry. That if our lips can easily seal what we have discovered in our lives together then we may have a better chance yet at perfect harmony. He is quite right, I would like to believe that is so. Thus my fear has calm down some. I am to rest better tonight for a perfect morning tomorrow. May the light of good will and the enriching touch of nature give me strength for my burden which I will not wish to see be a burden no more.
