Prologue
It feels like my body is lighting up in flames every time his warm fingers press into my skin. I almost swear I can see sparks shooting off of us and my drunken thoughts wonder if he sees them too.
The summer heat mixed with the alcohol and our bodies being so tightly pressed together causes a few beads of sweat to trickle down my forehead. I know that he must feel the dampness on my skin, but I can also tell that he doesn't mind.
The urgency that he's kissing me with and the pace that he's taking his clothes off, tells me that he needs this too much to care. We both need this. I know that he's hurting and that he needs to forget about her. I don't mind being a distraction. Not for him. I would do anything to keep him even a little bit closer to me, even if those feelings may be one sided.
For the last eight years, I know that he's only ever seen me as his friend who lives down the street from him. I know my heart sank when I found out he'd asked her to the junior prom when I'd been hoping for weeks that maybe he would ask me. I know I've spent every game this year watching him smile and wave to her in the stands while I cheer for him and only him.
Yes, I know what this is. I know that I'm just his rebound tonight. Someone the team passes around whenever they're bored. I may be delusional but I'm not stupid. I know why he asked me to come upstairs with him. I know why his teammates whistled and hollered when he laced his fingers into mine and led me up the stairs. I know deep, deep down it's not because he's finally seeing me. But, that same part of me, the one so deep down, the part that knows him and this situation so well, also wishes that someday, maybe he might.
The fire so deep inside me, so desperate for his attention, mixed with the heat from his hands and his lips, causes my body to ignite. I can feel the passion between us. I can see it in beautiful colours swirling around our bodies pressed so perfectly together like pieces of a puzzle.
I can see how good I make him feel, and I can see how much he needs me. I can see it in the way he pulls me to him, not wanting me to fall out of his grasp. I can feel it in the way my hands thread through his hair and I can hear it in the way he sucks in a sharp breath of air when I tug gently at the ends. I can't help the smug feeling that begins to arise in me. knowing that he’s here with me, with my hands running down the length of his toned body instead of with her.
Did he touch her like this? Did she make him feel this good?
I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. She broke his heart, something I vowed to never do. I like to think that deep, deep down maybe he knows that.
That thought almost scares me. I really would do anything for him. I'd say, wear, do, be, anything he wanted and I know I'd hurt anybody I needed to just to make him happy. But that's love isn't it? Doing what you know you have to do simply because you love them? And by God, I do love him.
I can feel my mind and body are not in sync right now, as I almost let those three words escape my lips as he finishes, letting out a deep groan from above me. I cover my almost slip up with a contented sigh. I had no idea that tonight would end up with him and I together this way, my legs wrapped around his torso and his mouth on my neck, but I am definitely more than happy that it did.
I can feel my heart beating so intensely while I wait for him to say something, but all I hear is the sound of our staggered breathing. We're both trying to catch our breaths, panting as we recover from what had just happened. It feels like the closest thing to Heaven in my drunken state. But the silence hangs heavy in the air, compressing my chest tightly as I begin to take in everything that's going on around me. My body starts to pound anywhere that I can feel a pulse and the bass from downstairs seems to grow even though moments ago, I barely remembered we were even at a party.
I'm not sure whose room this belongs to and I can't even make a guess because it's so dark. The only light I have is the light from the hallway peeking in underneath the door, and the soft moonlight pooling under the window from across the room.
My thoughts are interrupted when I feel movement on the bed beside me and in the dark I can make out his silhouette sitting up. I almost ask where he's going but the sound of his belt clicking together answers my silent question. It felt really good being here with him. And I know it's going to hurt just as much to watch him leave.
Not wanting to get too embarrassed, I also sit up and try to feel around for my clothes. He dresses faster than I can even find my underwear, and I see his feet block the light from under the door. I quickly pull the blanket up to cover myself, worried that someone may be in the hall.
He opens the door only a crack, letting more light into the room before he turns back to me. I'm drunk and it's too dark so I have to strain my eyes to try and make out the expression on his face. From here it looks twisted and maybe even a little sad. My heart pangs at the thought of him regretting what we just did.
"Thanks" he says quietly, lifting me from my thoughts. He stays quiet for a moment but continues to linger in the doorway. "You're a good friend, Sam."
Im unable to respond, as I feel the blood rushing to my head. The pounding in my ears only grows with the now blaring music that is forcing itself into the room that was so sacred to me only moments ago. I can feel the pit in my stomach growing as I take in what he had just said.
Friend.
Always just his friend. He steps into the hallway when I don't say anything, though I'm not sure he even expected me to. The black room greedily takes in as much of the light from the hallway as it can before the door closes behind him, leaving me naked in a stranger's bed, the darkness covering me completely.
