Like a Lotus

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"I heard Felix likes men!" An aunty gasped, clutching her bosom, "That is why he's not yet married."

The cacophonic whispers of the posh– not-so-posh– cocoon of relatives floated among the buzz of idle guests.

"He's pushing thirty, no? Poor Edward must be distraught: his youngest son is staining our Christian faith!"

"If Weishan were alive, she would have set him straight. Oh, may her soul rest in peace," another cried, kissing the cross on her necklace.

"Leave my daughter's name out of your mouth," Perhaps the most sensible one was she who'd been privileged with age. The old lady trudged forth, "It is her memorial service today, and no one will speak ill of her son."

Just then, a young man made his way inside the house, and the chirps and chats drowned and sunk.

"Felix!" The old lady greeted him warmly. "Grandma," the man's smile was kind and tender as he embraced her. Felix had arrived at his parents' to attend the memorial service of his mother, who had passed away five years ago.

This was the only occasion where he was forced to meet everyone, for he disliked anything that brought his relatives together. What they said about him was particularly foul, and affectionate smiles from them made him nauseous.

However, children were undoubtedly innocent despite their parents' maladorous personalities.

"Uncle Felix!!" The children ran up to him when they saw him, the smiles on their faces so pure and contagious as they accepted their favourite uncle's presents.

"How've you all been? Goodness, you've grown taller!" He humoured the little ones.

"How is work?" Grandma steered him toward the kitchen.

"It's fine," he flicked the dark fringes from his eyes, his heartbeat doubling in anticipation and nostalgia. It was not long before he was engulfed in a warm hug by his elder sister and brother.

"God, I've missed you! Have you been eating well? You've definitely lost some weight!" Emma exclaimed, concern and adoration etched on her face before she hugged her little brother again — tighter.

"Mr. Film director, we know you are busy, but visit us more often, yeah?" his brother taunted him as he patted his back, "...and maybe next time you can bring your special someone and introduce them to us." He whispered and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Felix, who chuckled at his silly expression before laughing out loud when Noah got smacked on the head by Emma.

"Don't pressure him, Noah," Emma scolded him.

Felix loved his siblings.

"Xillie,"

And his dad, "Have you been well, Xillie? Come let us eat. I bet you're hungry."

Peace. His family brought him peace.

---

"Can't sleep?" Felix's father leaned against the railing at the back of the house. The stars were enviably bright despite the dainty crescent's alluring halo.

"Her passing away is the most painful memory in my life. That year, after all those excruciating months, her birthday arrived. I had almost forgotten about it," he mused with a chuckle and added," I cannot explain why, but all the sorrow and longing that were weighing my heart down were replaced by an extreme amount of joy and excitement. That's when I realised that your mom loved— no: Your mom cherished that day. It was the one time of the year she was as free as a bird and all smiles, without a care in the world. The memory of her smiles fill my heart with warmth."

Admiration toward his father sparked in Felix's dark pupils.

"Your mother lives in us because her memories are with us. Everyone is finally healing, no matter how slow it takes. What about you ? When will you start to heal? You know it was not your fault, right?" His father spoke softly.

But Felix shook his head:

"I jus- I can't help but feel like everything might have been different had I not been involved," he choked out the words in a whisper. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and his throat burned.

His father took his hand and whispered, "You know she could not have left you alone in that state. The least you could do for her now is to live your life to the fullest. Honestly, it feels like you are in a shell. I need you to break free, smile more, and go back to the lively Felix I used to know." All Felix could do was nod because of the intensity of his low sobs.

"The last real smile I saw on your face was when you got that award..what was it? Yeah.. the day everyone knew your name, the day everyone appreciated your talent and your dedication to your work. Was it 'The Aueter Award'? Yes, yes, it was. I know you knew your mother would be proud of you, right? That's why you smiled so brightly. I can't explain how proud I was when you kept winning more awards year after year. Live your life to the fullest now son, so that later your mother won't scold me when we meet again."

Felix's chest vibrated with laughter at his father's statement, "Thank you so much," he felt like after such a long time, he could finally breathe without a care in this world of cares.