I Hate Myself
I hate myself. I hate myself in a manner I've never known or understood.
I hate this feeling this thing that's consuming me and I know I should fight back, but it's it just easier to give in?
I don't want to die, I have so much to live for right? I have this fear in my gut that I have to die. To make it all go away.. like I'm a burden to people around me
I'm not good with people, I seem to get things wrong more times than right.
Do these things show I should end it?
But here's the twist in the story
I have a good life I have great friends, an amazing boyfriend, good school, parents that care. But why do I feel this heaviness in my heart as it drags me down and down into a spiral of depression, psychosis and anxiety.
I have the ability to stop this demon feasting on my pain. But is there a point of it all?
Don't get me wrong, I don't want or intend on dying now not my plan at all
I just find it easier to be sad, wanting to die. Happiness is the true difficulty.
To stay happy, healthy.
Much work is needed to be happy.
Is this hatered an easy way out of working for happiness, is it really my head, am I losing my mind?
I don't know,
I'm scared to know...
