Double Exposure
Do you know this feeling deep down in your heart? | This sickness before bad news are tearing you apart?
I'm living with it after all these years | after sleepless nights, crying thousands of tears
That someday, there'll be a phone call from the place where you're living now | and before picking up the phone I'll know the words, somehow.
*
So I keep pretend that everything's fine | managing my life where past and present intertwine
A part of me won't move on till there's some kind of closure | can't you see it under double exposure?
How I'm still standing, yet buried under all these blows of fate? | How I'm still loving and caring while drowning in trauma and hate?
*
Do you know this noise within earsplitting silence? | These screams and prayers, torturing like a sixth sense?
I'm living with them after all these years | after speechless days, consumed by my fears
That someday, there'll be this voice again, just one room apart | and before decoding the spoken words, it'll rip out my heart.
*
So I keep pretend that everything's fine | managing my life where illusions and words intertwine
A part of me won't move on till there's some kind of closure | can't you see it under double exposure?
How I'm calm on the outside, yet my insides are screaming? | How my body's still here while my soul is leaving?
*
Do you know these flickers and shadows from the corner of your eyes? | Waving, moving, but when you turn around they are resolving into lies?
I'm living with them after all these years | after pitch black rooms full of dusty, blown-out chandeliers
Hoping that someday, they'll be shining again, revealing a familiar shadow | and beyond doubt it will be you, I'll just know.
*
So I keep pretend that everything's fine | managing my life where shadows and lightning intertwine
A part of me won't move on till there's some kind of closure | can't you see it under double exposure?
How I'm smiling, yet my reflection stays sad? | How I'm gracefully moving while my shadows went mad?
*
Oh, I keep pretend, pretend, pretend | like this farce could end, could end, could end
Somehow, somday | and heaven forbid, I've tried to find a way
But there's no escape, believe me | I've been drowning in melancholy
Replaying every single scene | what we've lost back then and where we've been
Locked in silence, forgetting our voices | released into freedom, making all the wrong choices
Talked too much till there was nothing more to say | ignoring and losing each other till today.
*
So I don't move on, I don't get closure | can't you see it under double exposure?
How I'm flying, yet stuck to the ground by gravity? | How life keeps going while my thoughts deform reality?
Deforming me | and what I used to be
Deforming you | and what I thought was true
Deforming our existence | and how it once felt to be twins
Yet to be alone | and how you're healing ever since, while I'm breaking every single bone.
