Sane

CHAPTER 1

The wind whirl thoughts screech in my mind, having no mercy on my lost senses. The heavy pounding in my head is getting unbearable with every second.

It is too much, everything is closing on me and It is too damn much to bear.

“Miss Dior. Are you listening to me?” flinching at the elderly doctor voice’s standing in front of me. Blinking away the mess inside my I head, I miss to realize for how long have I been standing here in front of him practically immobile and totally lost in my heavy head.

Finally registering his face, the sympathy and patients that I am used to see painted on his face for the past 3 weeks is gone and replaced with annoyance and confusion as his eyes study my figure. Goodness me, I bet I look awful. Living on the hospital benches for the past weeks would obviously not look good on you even if you tried to hide it, it sucks. What did he say again?

He sighs heavily, pinching his nose. Probably fed up with my lack of attention. “Dior, I know this isn’t easy at all, I could imagine… However, I was hoping that you would come and inform me that you were able to do anything. Because from now on, I am afraid, my hands are tied. I won’t be able to help her any further.”

My chest tightened, I failed her, again.

“I am trying, now I am working at nights at another restaurant. They pay well. I would be able to assemble the quart- “Shaking his head, he cuts me off with a stern wave. “I have to stop you here child. This is not right, if she is not fighting then why and for what are you doing this to yourself. I have seen you sleeping on those benches, rarely if never have I seen you eat, you shower in her room and your wardrobe is practically stacked on the room’s coach.”I avoid his knowing eyes, cannot bear to see pity in them.He does not understand, and he would not understand how all that she has been stating comes nothing close to what she has been through because of me

I knew very well how bad the situation is, but letting go is not an option and he seems to gather as much. “It does sadden me to see a young bright girl like you fight for a soul that does not want to live, she does not want it Dior, she gave up and begged me to end it for her. And you are still here…” his words drifts off seeing the tears that gather in my eyes. I know, I know very well that she wants to end it, wants to leave me. And I deserve it, but how can I giveup on her. “please, I am already trying to sell the house, I have collected all my earnings and they all could-“the shaking of his disappointed head pauses me. “She does not want it child, I cannot proceed or in fact do anything if she does not consent to it. You need to understand that it is not your fault and make peace with it.” But it is.

“I still think- ““look child, I am sorry but I will not be able to do anything, until she consents to it. If I can’t then know that you will not be able to do as well. I did want to help child, however with the limited options presented, I was not able to. I hope you understand.” He sighs heavily and pates my arm lightly before leaving.

You useless girl, how many times did I tell you to stay in your damn room while I am at home.

You are the sham of my existence.

Leave! I do not wish to see your face.

Your pathetic existence cost me mine.

Thank god I am sick. Its soon till I am relieved of seeing your face ever again.

Tears blind my sight, feeling the running wetness rolling down my cheeks as their voices ring inside my head. I still have hope; I need her to accept the help that they are offering her. Her case is not fatal, she can survive with the right help and attention.

If only she wished to survive. if I could convince her enough to survive, but my attempts were futile. She would not let me utter a word without telling me to leave her be. Then how could I possibly convince her.

With new determination, I briskly walk to her room, wiping away the last of the fallen tears harshly off my face. I do not need this right now, I need to be strong, I still need her and for her to live more than anything. I need to be strong for her.

It was too sudden, my thoughts come to a halt when the air is knocked out of my lungs so suddenly that I lose my balance by the harsh unexpected collision with a block of solid. In mere seconds I was falling into gravity to then fly up against it with warm and strong support around my waist.

My body freezes feeling the warmth and the hard torso I am being pushed against.

“Be careful next time.” A very deep accentuated and rough voice brush near my left ear as I feel myself being descended back on the floor more gently. Never have I feared anyone only from their voice for that my eyes remain closed, afraid of what I might encounter if I open them. He seems to strong he might crush me for bumping into him.

Now being back with steady legs on the floor, I try to breath but when the big arms start to brush against my body in retreat. I stiffen again inhaling sharply, still not willing my eyes to open, not wanting to see I have offended. But he pauses when his hands reach my wait, holding it snuggly in between his big hands and I feel hot, too hot from his warm hands that I flinch and do the ultimate mistake of opening my eyes. They land on very muscular shoulder blades donned by a dark grey sweater almost too thick for such weather. My eyes reach further up seeing the strong long neck and as they follow up, they catch a thick beard sculpturing a sharp lined jaw. I gather enough that it is a man that I have embarrassed myself in front and now aware of how he held me.

The eruption that invades my lower belly is so foreign and strong that I push out of his scorching hold.

What in the world?

Unware of his fiery gaze, I look anywhere but him. Shying of meeting his eyes. Not wanting to see the anger of his towards me, not sure if I would bear any more anger towards me at this point.

My wondering gaze then lands on the most elegant woman I have ever seen, her aristocratic sculptured face is donned with light fine lines that do nothing be complement her face even more, framed by the deep back hair that looks so thick and well maintained as it brings out her sparkly and watery grey eyes that are now looking at her left to the man in front of me which I may seem to have forgotten about. She garbs my undivided attention, something about her is so familiar and dare I say alarming.

Seeming like the man is still standing, I presume he was waiting for an apology which I lacked to show. A flare blush spread on my cheeks with shame. And wanting to escape them both, I quietly utter and apology and side step him to leave. Throwing a last glance at the lady who still seem to have her eyes on the man but before I turn my head, her eyes pierce mine with sparkle. Instant turning around, with more focus I head to the room with a sickening gut.

Gosh I never knew that grey eyes were that beautiful.