Chapter 1: Sofia's Lament
Chapter 1: SOFIA’s Lament
March 20, 1999
The deafening beeep – beep- beeep of my alarm woke me at 6am. I groaned and cursed at myself for having my alarm clock on the other side of my room. Now I had to get out of my warm and comfy blankets to go turn off that God awful machine. As I stepped out of my bed, I tried searching for my slippers but refusing to open my eyes I could not locate them. I finally said, “Fuck it” and placed both of my feet on the cold hardwood floor and tip toe ran to where my clock was. I quickly pressed the snooze button and got back under my warm blankets. Fifteen minutes later that darn beeep-beep-beeep was killing my ear drums. Reluctantly I got up for a second time to turn off that alarm. This time I made sure to completely turn it off by unplugging that cursed machine.
Just as I was about to cuddle with my blankets, the house phone started to ring. Who can be calling this early in the morning? I thought. “Mario!” I grumbled. I picked up the phone and muttered “Hello” into the phone. “Morning sweetie” joyfully exclaimed Mario from the other side of the phone. I always appreciate Mario’s positive joyful attitude but not today. Mario is my best male friend; we have known each other since we were little kids. So of course, it was him, he must have found out that Patrick dumped me last night.
“Hey Mario, what’s up?”
“How are you sweetie?” Said Mario.
“I’m fine”.
There was silence for about a minute, did he believe it? I hope he did. As much as I love and appreciate Mario.The one person I really need and want is my mother. I want her arms to wrap me up, I want to lay my face in her chest and cry all my pain out. This was my first big heartbreak and I am as strong and independent as I am. I need to let all my emotions out.
“You’re not fine Sofia” said Mario.
Busted! He knows me too well.
“Look, I know there is nothing that I can say to make you feel better. But forget that guy! You deserve someone better. Someone who sees your worth” said Mario while trying to be there for me.
“I know, I just need my mother”.
“I know you do but for now get dressed. We are going to the gym! I’m downstairs” said Mario waiting in anticipation.
“Fine” I sighed, “I’ll see you in five minutes”.
I walked back to my room and put on my leggings and cropped tee. Standing over my bathroom sink I couldn’t help but cry. I thought about the past five years of my life with Patrick. I know we butted heads a lot, but I was certain that he was the one for me. I mean, he was the first guy to want a serious relationship with me. Last year had been rough on our relationship because my mother had to constantly travel more. So, I had to pick up the slack and help more at home. I still had my brother to take care of, although Jaime is my twin, and we are the same age. I’ve always felt like the oldest sister. I thought our relationship would last. I know that I was not a perfect girlfriend but to get betrayed in the most horrible way. To get cheated on!
I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like someone had literally punched me on the chest. I was frantically gasping for air. My lungs were aching for air, they burned. I couldn’t take it anymore; I could barely hold my weight. I put one hand on each side of the cold porcelain sink to support my weight. I leaned into the sink for one last scream but nothing no sound could come out. I splashed cold water on my face.
“Come on Sofia, get it together!” I slapped myself to bring me out of that anxiety attack. My face was pale, and I had horrible under eyes from lack of sleep. I tried my best to sleep last night but I couldn’t. I just tossed and turned all night. I finally put my hair in a high ponytail and walked towards the living room.
I stopped at the shoe closet and grabbed a pair of sneakers. I walked towards our big leather couch. I took a seat and took one last deep breath before putting on my sneakers. I grabbed my keys and stepped out the door. As I stepped out of my building, I felt my heart stop for a millisecond and my mother’s face flashed before my eyes. I gently grabbed my chest right where my heart is. Mother wherever you are. I hope you are okay, I thought to myself. I proceeded to walk to Mario’s car.
The whole car ride to the gym I was silent. In the background I could faintly hear Mario talking about his latest workout routine. I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was not right. Call it intuition or call it being crazy, but I really feel like my mother is in danger.
“Are you okay?” asked Mario. He was looking at me very intently. I didn’t realize it, but we had arrived at the gym.
“I don’t know, I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong with my mother”.
I started to walk out of the car when I felt Mario’s hand hold my forearm. “Listen” he said while he looked into my eyes, “I’m sure your mother is okay”, He took a deep breath.
“Is it possible that maybe you haven’t healed from the trauma of your father’s passing? Your mom has been away for awhile now. Have you heard from her recently”? Said Mario.
“No, the last thing we received was a postcard from some place in Alaska”.
“I am sure soon enough you will hear something from her” said Mario.
“I hope so”.
“Come on, let’s workout” He patted my forearm and gently pushed me out of the car.
We walked towards the gym. “Okay let’s go warm up before our trainer gets here” Mario said.
“What trainer?”
“The one I hired to get us into shape. I was just talking to you about it in the car” said a confused Mario.
“Oh” was all I could answer.
We were in the middle of our warm-up routine when Patrick started approaching us. Mario was facing the other direction so he couldn’t see that Patrick was walking towards us. I walked up to Mario and tried to calmly tell him. “Mario! Look who the heck is here”
Mario completely ignored me. He was so focused on his workout. At that moment I got filled with rage. I remember all the things that Patrick put me through how he constantly made me feel like I was worthless. I remembered back to that moment I found out he had cheated on me. My eyes started to fill up with tears. I couldn’t control my rage anymore. With blurry vision I ran up to Patrick and slapped him.
“WHAT THE HECK!” hissed a deep voice. It wasn’t Patrick’s voice. I wiped my tears away only to realize that there was a total stranger in front of me. He resembled Patrick but there were slight differences. This guy was taller and more muscular. His skin tone was a bit lighter, and his hair was just a tad longer.
“Holy crap Sofia, what did you do?” yelled Mario.
“Uhhh Uhhh Uhhh” was all I could stammer, “I’m sorry! I thought he was Patrick”.
“He is the trainer” said Mario.
“Get this girl the hell out of my gym!” The trainer yelled at Mario. He was clearly pissed. Why wouldn’t he be? He was just slapped by a stranger. Everyone was looking at us, I was so embarrassed.
Mario grabbed my arm and said, “Maybe we should get some water and fresh air”.
“Yeah, I think that is best” I turned to look at the trainer, “I am so sorry” I said to the trainer.
“Get out of my gym” he said angrily.
Me and Mario proceeded to get our water bottles and walked out of the gym. We sat on the sidewalk for a while so I could get myself together. I can’t believe I just made an ass off myself. Tears started to roll out my eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Mario scooted closer to me and put his arm around me. I leaned forward and put my face in my hands.
“I… I’m so sorry. I’m such a mess. I swear I thought he was Patrick. He looked like him and I just got so mad” I started to bawl my eyes out. Mario pulled me closer.
“He really hurt you, didn’t he?” stated Mario.
“You have no idea”
“It’s for the best, Sofia. Why would you want to live with a starfish who lives under a rock”?
“What?” I was confused for a moment not realizing he was making a TV reference.
I shrugged his arm off my shoulders, “Get away from me dork! I don’t want to be seen with a nerd” I chuckled.
“Eeewww” I wiped my face frantically. I wanted to glare at Mario but his stupid face expression of dumb Patrick from the show made me laugh.
“How are you feeling?” asked Mario.
“Better”
“This break-up will take time to process Sofia. Don’t try to rush it, but we might need to get your eyesight checked out. You can’t go around slapping everyone who looks like your ex” said a concern Mario.
I chuckled “You’re right”.
“I am always right” he said. “What time is it?” He said while pointing at my wristwatch.
“It’s almost 10am”.
“Come on Sofia, I will take you back home. I have somewhere to be soon,” said Mario.
“Actually, can you drop me off at the grocery store near my place”
“Yea sure” he said.
“Thanks. I really miss my mom. I wish I could talk to her right now. I think I will make her favorite food to feel like she is close to me”
“Why don’t you talk to her?” Said Mario.
“I wish I could, but I don’t have her number. It’s been so long since last I spoke to her”
“How long has it been since you haven’t talked to her?”
I had to stop and think for a while, how long has it been since I last spoke to my mother? Weeks, months.
“Uh I don’t know, I’m trying to give her the silent treatment for leaving me and Jaime together alone”.
“Wait, is she missing?” said a worried Mario.
My heart sunk. Could it be true? Could she be missing, and I haven’t noticed? Am I such a horrible daughter? The thought of never seeing my mother again scared me to my core. I could not picture my life without my mother in it.
“Well, she sent us a postcard like three months ago from some inn in Alaska, I honestly can’t remember the name of the town and I think she spoke to Jaime about three weeks ago”.
“Is it possible that maybe there is some info on the postcard?” said Mario.
“You’re right, I think there was a phone number. I’ll have to look at the postcard again”.
“There you go. Hopefully there is some useful information on the postcard” he said.
“I hope so because I am willing to go to the end of the world for my mother”.
“That’s a bit extreme don’t you think?” He laughed.
I glared at him. He stared at the ground. Mario knows me well and he knows that I am a determined girl and if I had to travel to the end of the world to find my mother I would.
“Okay, let’s go” Mario said.
We got in his car and drove off to the grocery store. We arrived within fifteen minutes, he dropped me off and proceeded to go on his own way. I walked around the store looking for all the ingredients to make my mother’s favorite dish chicken tinga. This was the first dish my mother taught me how to cook. I remembered our countless hours in the kitchen. Every Friday she would try to teach me a new dish, chicken tinga was the first dish that I was able to cook all on my own.
I called my brother Jaime to see if he wanted anything from the store, but he didn’t answer. He was probably in his room playing some video game. My twin brother is the opposite of me. I am what many would call a social butterfly and my brother does not like to socialize. I shared the womb with him, and I struggle to be able to have a decent conversation with the guy. He is very reserved and likes to keep to himself.
You look at us and you would think we are not siblings, but we are, he is my fraternal twin brother. He is almost 6’ tall while I can barely reach 5’5”, his complexion is lighter than mine. I am dark skin like my father, and he has my mother’s lighter complexion. Throughout the years he has been a scrawny boy but lately he has been bulking up quite a bit. He keeps to himself most of the time, all he does is school and being locked up in his room. He didn’t used to be that way but ever since our father died Jaime turned into a completely different person. He did take our fathers death hard. Jaime and my dad were close wherever dad was. Jaime was following right behind.
I purchased all my items and left the store. I am glad that this grocery store is near our house because by the time I made it back to our apartment my hands were on fire from carrying the groceries. As soon as I got home, I took the chicken out of the bag, washed it and put it on the stove to cook.
It took me a few hours to cook and clean the house. By the time I was finished it was around 5:30 pm. My brother walked through the door undoing all the hard work that I had done. He dropped his backpack right by the door and took off his shoes by the couch.
“Hey cochino! I just cleaned. Pick up after yourself” I screamed at him.
“I just got here! I haven’t made any mess yet” said Jaime.
“Seriously Jaime” I pointed to his backpack and his shoes.
“Fine” he huffed while he picked up his shoes and walked to get his backpack. He grabbed his stuff and started to walk towards his room.
“Get cleaned up, dinner is almost ready. We are having Tinga”
“Is mom coming home tonight?” said Jaime, his eyes light up with excitement. For a moment I had forgotten that Tinga was the usual welcome home dinner I would make for mom.
“No, I just really miss mom and wanted to make some tinga”.
His face lost all excitement.
“Hey where is the postcard that mom sent, I want to give her a call and see how she is doing”
His eyes brighten again.
“It’s in my room. Let me go get it!”
He came back shortly with a postcard from Kake, Alaska. In the postcard she stated that she was staying at Black Lake Lodge room 21. She left a phone number so that we can reach her at. I grabbed the house phone and dialed the number. It rang twice and an old lady answered the phone.
“You’ve reached Black Lake Lodge; how can we serve you?” Said the hotel employee.
“Hi, my name is Sofia. I am trying to reach my mother. She is staying in room 21”.
“Alright sweetie, give me a few moments. I will go to the room and see if I can get her to come to the phone” said the hotel employee.
A few moments go by when I hear the old lady hotel employee pick up the phone again.
“Hi sweetie, are you still there?” Said the hotel employee.
“Yes ma’am”.
“Okay I went to check in room 21 but there is no one there. It is a bit of a mess and clothing everyone. I am not sure if the guest will come back later. Although I haven’t seen anyone go in that room in a couple weeks. There is food with mold as well. I will have to charge your mother extra on the cleanup fee” she said.
“Oh okay. If you see her, can you tell her to give her children a call”.
“I sure will sweetie, goodbye have a nice day,” said the hotel employee.
“Goodbye ma’am”
“What did they say?” Jamie asked.
“She said that mom was not in her room, and she has not seen mom in a couple weeks” I saw Jamie’s worried expression. “Don’t worry. I am sure she is fine. Let’s eat dinner and we can call again and see if maybe she is back in her room again by bedtime”.
We both walked into the dining room and sat at the table to have our dinner. I tried my best to keep my mind from spiraling out. I tried to talk to Jamie about his school and what he has been up to lately. He told me about some new video game that he was into. We finished dinner and Jamie cleaned the table while I did the dishes and put everything away. He went to play videogames for a while, and I took a hot shower and tried to meditate for a bit. Around 9:30 pm I heard a knock on my bedroom door. It was Jamie.
“Can you try calling mom again?” asked Jaime.
“Sure”.
We both walked to the living room, I grabbed the phone and dialed again. This time it rang for a bit longer. But finally, the old lady picked up the phone. “You’ve reached Black Lake Lodge; how can we serve you?”
“Hi, my name is Sofia, and I am trying to reach my mother in room 21”.
“Hi sweetie, I remember you. Let me go check for you” said the hotel employee.
A few moments went by when I heard her voice again.
“Sweetie, unfortunately I could not locate your mother. She is still not in her room” she said.
“Okay, thank you for trying” I hung up the phone.
“Nothing!?” Jamie asked.
“She is still not in her room”.
“Sofia, I am really worried about mom. This is not usual for her” Jamie said lowly.
“What should we do?”
“I think we should go to this town and look for her. What if she is in danger”?! Jamie exclaimed.
“Let’s do this. Let’s pack our bags and tomorrow early we will go to the train station and try to buy tickets to go to Kake, Alaska”.
“Okay” said Jamie. He headed back into his room.
I went into mom’s office and opened her safe to get some money out because we would need it for our trip. I packed as many necessities as I could think of. The next morning Jamie and I got up at 6am. I prepared breakfast for us and we both ate in silence. Today was a gloomy day, something was off. It felt like something bad, really bad was going to happen. We gathered our stuff and headed out the door to the bus station. We arrived at San Antonio’s train station just as they opened the doors.
Jamie readjusted his backup as he looked at me. “Are you okay Sofia?”
“Yea, just a little nervous I suppose. But I will be fine”.
“Okay, let’s go” said Jaime as he gently patted my back and walked into the train station.
