Broken Promises

It's a lukewarm August night, another evening where I serve slimy men while wearing tight work clothes that almost resemble lingerie.

Which are surely only there to charm these disgusting perverts and even have to tolerate them harassing me, just to make ends meet and pay my damned overdue rent.

At least I made enough tips today to buy groceries.

Finally a month where I don’t have to starve or have to rely on leftover food from restaurants in my area whose employees all know me.

And in small moments like these, when I'm in the locker room after a twelve-hour shift, putting on my dark blue jeans and my black top, moments when I'm alone, I think of him.

The only family I had, the one I ran to when my parents were getting wasted again.

Snap out of in Giselle, years have passed.

I should try to forget him once and for all.

But how could I, when I'm still wearing the necklace he gave me back then?

A gold one with a heart, behind which our initials are engraved.

Just as I was about to burst into tears, thankfully my colleague and friend Jane came in.

„Giselle sweetheart, why haven‘t you left?“

„I was just on my way out, see you the evening after tomorrow?”

She smiles faintly. Almost tired “Sure. Good night”

“Good night.”

I leave the club from the back door, walking through the side alleys to avoid red lights or rather.. people.

I've only been walking for five minutes when I notice strange noises not too far away.

As stupid as I am, of course I have to go check it out.

I look behind the wall and see at least three shadows. I quietly creep closer and see one of them kneeling on the ground his hands placed behind his head.

"Please, I swear I'll pay my debts, just don't kill me."

The other both started to laugh in sync before one of them answers coolly “Sorry, boss’ orders”

No. No. No. No. Please, no.. Don’t kill him. Please.

Why can’t I move, I’m like petrified.. frozen on the spot. Unable to look away nor to run.

And then.. He pulls out a gun thats soundproof and shoots him between his eyes.

I cover my mouth to prevent me from screaming, while silent tears are dripping down on the back my hand.

I take a step back and accidentally kick a glass bottle. They turn around abruptly and see me straight on.

Damn it. I have to run.

I don't think I've ever run that fast before, didn't even turn around once until their footsteps eventually fell silent and only then did I dare to turn.

Okay, I think I managed to brush them off.

Maybe I need a short moment to take a deep breath.

Just when I was about to start walking again, someone came up from behind.

Covered my mouth that fast so I couldn’t even scream when they pressed the wet tissue in my face, leading me to loose consciousness and fall in the blink of pathetic seconds.

I feel myself drifting away and falling back into a moment that I would undo if I had the chance to do so.

The edge of the park on the highway..

I see him.. see me.. how we face each other and I relive the worst moment of my life as a spectator.

„Aven.. I can’t do this with us anymore..“ I hear myself say tremblingly while he looks at me with big indecisive eyes.

Gosh Aven, even in my memory you are still the same beautiful being you were back then.

„Giselle.. what.. No.. don’t—“

But I didn’t let him finish.

„I can’t do this with us anymore.. it’s over“

Wow.. even now I can still see how insecure I am, because it’s the last thing I wanted to do, but his mum.. It’s just too much I couldn’t stand the pressure.

„Just forget me“

And then the first tear falls, a tear he would have caught if I hadn’t turned around and left.

I run after myself and watch how I barely make it two blocks away just like back then before I collapse crying.

I would have loved to run back to you, Aven; you have no idea how hard it was. But the worst moment was yet to come.

I cried so loudly, so unbearably loudly, until a pulling sensation in my lower abdomen stopped me and I screamed out in unbearable pain.

And then the blood flowed down my legs and the pain grew and grew so that I could hardly walk and fainted.

It suddenly feels as if I'm being pulled from the viewer into my memory body and I wake up in a hospital bed.

"No. No. No. I can't hear that again. Wake up, Giselle! This is a dream! Wake up!"

No, no, no. She's coming in now, the very same doctor as before. "Miss Moore, I'm sorry to tell you this, you've had a miscarriage."

I can’t stop it, neither my facial expressions, nor any answer that followed.

„What?“

The doctor looks at me in surprise, similar to the way I looked back then.

„Didn’t you know you were pregnant?“

No, I didn’t know at the time.

Not only did I lose the love of my life that day, but also the only thing that would have reminded me of him.

„No, I didn’t” I answered while tears rolled down on the pillow just like they did back then.

I even dare to say that they landed on the exact same spots.

Just like before, she looks at me with sad eyes, pitying and helpless. Much like how I felt.

But the words that follow her sound muffled; I don't understand them.

It's as if I'm losing consciousness in a dream.

And when I hastily wake up, I realize I'm stuck in something like a cellar dungeon—at least, that's what I assume, because of the cold and the smell—bound and blindfolded.

And then the tears break out again, soaking through the fabric that blindfolds me.

I can’t even scream because they taped my mouth too.

Damn you, Giselle.