Prologue
Valerie stood still.
The platform was incredibly crowded that evening. The holidays were approaching, and everyone wanted to be with their loved ones. People rushed past her, some even glancing at her with mild irritation that she was in their way. Heavy suitcases rolled over the cobblestones with a distinctive clatter, accompanied by the shuffling and tapping of footsteps. Everything was alive with motion, and yet she remained in the same place. Motionless. She couldn’t take a single step. It felt as if someone had cut her out of reality and pasted her here by mistake.
She clutched the ticket in her hand. The paper was completely crumpled, her nails digging painfully into the inside of her palm, but she didn’t loosen her grip. As if it were the only thing still tying her to reality. Or to him.
The train she was supposed to board had already left. And with it—Joshua.
Just minutes ago, she had seen his back as he climbed the small steps into the carriage with the crowd. A navy-blue jacket, a slightly hunched posture, just like always when he was tired… or weighed down by his thoughts. She wanted to call out to him, to show him that she had come after all. His name got stuck in her throat—heavy, burning, ready to break free.
All it would have taken was one step. One word.
She hesitated.
Not yet.
There was always something that held her back. A second of hesitation that let time slip away. She was always one step behind him. She closed her eyes.
If she had moved faster. If she had said something sooner. If she hadn’t waited for him to turn around.
If.
The word echoed in her mind, louder and louder, becoming more unbearable with every passing second.
She should have run.
The thought hit her suddenly. Her stomach tightened, the pain almost physical. She stared at the tracks. The train lights had long disappeared into the tunnel. Only darkness remained.
She should have dropped everything and run after him. Grabbed his hand, stopped him, said anything—everything she hadn’t said over the past months. That she was afraid. That she needed him. That she didn’t want to be the one left behind again.
But she didn’t run.
Valerie glanced at the clock hanging above the sign announcing the next train. Three minutes had passed. A wave of nausea rose in her. Just three minutes. It was absurd how something so small could change everything.
She loosened her grip and ran her finger along the edge of the ticket. She tried to smooth the paper, hoping that somehow she could smooth out all the decisions that had led her to this moment. It was useless. She took a deep breath, but instead of relief, she felt only a weight pressing against her chest.
This wasn’t the moment when something ended. It was the moment when everything between them finally caught up with reality. Because the truth was simpler than she wanted to admit.
They hadn’t run out of love. They hadn’t run out of chances.
They had run out of time… and courage.
She looked once more into the darkness of the tunnel. As if hoping the train would come back. That he would come back.
But time doesn’t turn back for anyone.
And certainly not for people who are always a second too late.
She turned slowly and walked toward the exit. By the door, she paused for a moment. Across the street, between the buildings, she noticed a light in one of the tall windows—warm, steady, standing out against the cold evening.
She hesitated.
As if something inside her was trying to give it meaning.
But after a moment, she simply looked away.
And left.
