Blocked

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Damn it. Retrace your steps.

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“Katherine!”

Damn it… I was almost in my car. Backwards again… 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

“Hey Kelsey, what’s up?” I ask, trying really hard to make sure everything in my body feels right as I retrace my steps over to her.

“Did you see your mom’s video? She’s really going at it again.” Kelsey says, holding her phone out to me. YouTube is pulled up on her phone and I see my mom in her beige cardigan with the black tank top she always wears. She’s sitting on the front of her bed and behind her is the same family portrait we got when I was six years old. I remember that day really vividly, my mom wanted me to wear this purple dress with ruffles but I hated the way the ruffles felt on my skin. I cried everytime she put it on me, my mom thought I was just a really difficult child who didn’t like being told what to do, but I just didn’t have the vocabulary to say “these ruffles make me want to rip my skin off and take a shower so hot my skin burns off and I never have to feel these ruffles again.” That was the first time my mom ever made a video of me. She filmed me screaming and crying and trying to rip the dress off. She posted it to a “Mommy Facebook group” hoping to get help but instead was showered with compliments of how strong she was raising such a “disobedient” child like me. That video is still on the internet to this day and every future employer, college, or boyfriend could find it if they wanted to.

Kelsey is holding her phone right in front of her face looking as concentrated as a surgeon would be performing open heart surgery. She’s moving her finger back and forth on the screen clearly trying to find a specific part in the video, but her acrylic nail keeps getting in the way causing the little red dot to shoot all the way back to the beginning of the video.

After hearing my mom’s voice say “Hey friends… today’s a hard day,” for the sixth time after Kelsey’s finger slips, I slide my hand onto her phone and shut it off.

“Why don’t you just give me the cliffnotes?” I say through gritted teeth.

“Right right, sorry… that was probably annoying af.” she said, smiling sheepishly. “You’re mom’s switched up her story again.”

“No way? Really?” I said with sarcasm so thick it probably could have been legally classified as molasses.

“Instead of her saying that your dad is the one to blame she’s saying that you’ve been playing these mind games since you were a child and your dad was always too weak to stand up to you.”

I stare at Kelsey.

“I can’t tell what your reaction is right now…” Kelsey says, attempting to avoid my stare.

“She has to be mentally ill, right?”

“Definenitly.” Kelsey replies with one strong nod. “The question is, what kind?”

“All of them.” I reply, pulling my phone out as it vibrates. I’d shut down my public instagram months ago when this whole fiasco started but I kept my private one that was just for my friends and I. However, every so often some random cult-follower of my mom finds it and spams the living hell out of it, calling me all kinds of things.

“You’re such an ungrateful brat. You’ve gotten so much from your mother and taken so many opportunities from kids who actually want them. I hope you’re real proud of yourself sitting on your high horse. Have fun in hell.”

“Nice.” I say, after I finish reading it. Kelsey taked my phone out of my hand and begins reading it.

“Damn…” she says, “This person actually knows how to spell!” She hands me back my phone, laughing to herself. It is true, most of the time when I get messages like these, the spelling is atrocious, sometimes I feel like I’m reading an angry letter a kindergartener is writing to their mom for not getting a second dessert. My phone dings again.

“Another message?” Kelsey asks, already reaching out her hand to my phone so she can read.

“Nope, just my dad telling me he’s on the way home with dinner. I gotta go!” I pick my bookbag up off the ground, wiping my foot over the spot where it was sitting.

“You’re doing it again.” Kelsey says with a mix between a smirk and worry on her face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say with a big smile on my face. “Minecraft later?” I ask.

“If I finish my homework, I have like three papers due.”

“Fair enough!” I reply, “I’ll talk to you later!” I take a breath sucking in my stomach before walking to my car, making sure everything feels right so I don’t end up retracing my steps a thousand times.

“Let me know if you need me to find any addresses or slash any tires.” Kelsey calls after me. I throw a thumbs up behind me, I don’t wanna lose my focus talking and end up making this walk three more times.

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Door open, door close. Success.