MidLife Roll

Liam lay stretched out on his back in bed, his eyes fixed on the ceiling fan above him. He occasionally meets his friends Mateo, Ant, Luke, and Benno for beers, and all were out pretty late last night drinking at one of their local bars called the J Spot. They are all Gen X men aged 50 or older.

While all of them are currently single, their relationship histories embody an assorted range, such as divorce, separation, parenthood, or never married. These men have been inseparable since high school and share a brotherly connection. With a slightly groggy mind from the beers he drank last night, he focused on the ceiling fan blades buzzing above. He notices the faint gray fuzz clinging to the edges of the blades and says to himself that he needs to dust it, but never does.

Reflecting on his life, he realized he was still single and childless after all these years. The monotonous Monday-Friday routine marketing job he works for gives him a tremendous sense of boredom. Repeatedly rubbing his forehead and pushing back his blonde hair, he feels stuck in a cycle of disinterest and thinks his life is lackluster. It's become a habit for him to lie in bed, fixated on the ceiling fan, dwelling on the same things.

Liam watches the blades chop through the light, casting shadows against the ceiling, making a whirring sound on each rotation. Maybe this ceiling fan is a representation of his life: a boring routine on repeat and nothing new, no changes. His life just keeps spinning around in circles and no real accomplishments or excitement. Depression affects him once in a blue moon. He feels empty and void inside, and as if he is missing something or someone in his life.

Perhaps Liam blames himself, because the women he dates are usually skinny runway model types that are much younger than him. He can be quite picky and often wonders if this is the reason he is alone. There is nothing wrong with this type, he feels like they make good arm candy but he rarely reaches a connection with any of them.

What he craves is more, a bond and a family. The apartment he has been living the last 10 years shows no change in his life. Sometimes during quiet evenings in his place such as now, he envisions a child's laughter showcasing the sound of life as his wife is cooking in the kitchen, filling the house with aroma.

These are the things that go back and forth in his mind daily. There are moments he wonders if he should get a pet, and if this would help ease his loneliness. Liam enjoys his alone time because he can be selfish and put his needs first and realizes this too can be a contributing factor to his loneliness.

He reminisces about the time he was 5 years old. It was at a wake right after a funeral, and he noticed all these people dressed in fancy black clothing and crying. Liam was uncomfortable because so many relatives would come up to him and hug and squeeze him too tight which became quite overwhelming for a little boy his age.

All the red noses dripping and people using tissues or handkerchiefs as tears dropped from their eyes was all Liam could see over again. His father comes up to him and places his arm around him. Then, his dad moves his hand onto his head and begins crying too.

That was the day they buried his mother and the last day he saw his father ever cry again. Liam twirled his fingers around each other, and then a tear drops from his right eye. He wipes his eye and remembers the face his father had that day.

His father's name is Robert and he was a tall man about 6 feet with dirty blonde hair as well. Liam doesn't remember too much about what kind of father he was before his mother died, but definitely remembers the father he became after they found out his mom had breast cancer. He became a single dad, a widower, and dated nothing but younger women after that.

After the passing of his mom, his Dad never remained in a stable relationship, which set the tone of how he also viewed women in the future. While he is in the middle of his thoughts of his mother's wake, his cell phone buzzes and interrupts him. He looks at it and at first he was annoyed; but sees it is Mateo calling. Mateo is one of his closest friends, and he does not mind the interruption.

Liam picks up the phone and says, "Hey!"

Mateo one the other line yells out, "Yo!"

"What's up?"

Mateo utters, "What are you doing?"

"Just lying down on the bed staring at my ceiling fan," says while pushing his hair out of his face.

"Why do you always stare at your ceiling fan?" and laughs.

"I don't know, just thinking about life."

"Well, stop thinking and let's do."

"What is on your mind?"

"We all are heading to the courts; it's Saturday, the sun is out, and we old men need to be active," and cackles.

Mateo has a crazy loud roar when he laughs, but it's the howling sound that makes you crack up nonstop. With a powerful, towering figure reaching over 6 feet in height, he has tattoos on his arms and back. He is biracial and has a nice tan skin-tone. One of Mateo's characteristics is his long wavy brown hair and a beard. Because of his untamed look, women find him attractive, and they love for this brawny man to wrap his arms around them and pick them up.

Ladies also gravitate towards him because of his charismatic personality. It's not just the females that gravitate towards him, but males too. Mateo has been married twice and divorced twice but has three kids. Two boys from his first wife and a little girl from his second wife. Despite him being divorced, he is an amazing father and loves his children to death.

He is very comical, and Liam is the opposite. Liam has blonde hair, blue eyes, and approximately 5'11" tall. Being quiet is not shyness, but he is just more reserved than Mateo. It is challenging to determine his moods, especially when he is pondering his life. Do not get it twisted; Liam is also good-looking and fit for his age. Actually, all of his friends are fit; that's because they are active and constantly moving their bodies.

Liam responds to Mateo, "Ok, I will meet you all there; just give me 15 minutes."

Mateo replies, "Cool, Cool."

Having a weird idiosyncrasy of showering before doing anything active, he heads into the bathroom before driving to the courts. The water wakes him up and makes him feel stronger, allowing him to be physical and play sports.

Taking showers multiple times a day is something that he needs to do in order to feel relaxed as well. Being clean is always at the top of his list. He splashed water on his face first because he is always concerned about his appearance and how others look at him.

Touching his cheeks and feeling his skin makes him feel clean. Image and first impressions are everything to him, especially with women.

He jumps out of the shower and gets dressed, grabs his keys, and heads to his car. Liam, being Gen X, his go-to music will always be 1980s retro pop music. Hops in the car and immediately puts on the 80s station, and the song "Yo' Little Brother" by Nolan Thomas is playing.

Captivated by the song, he sings along to the lyrics at a very high volume in his car. At the traffic signal, he notices the stares from the other drivers, especially the younger ones. Some people smile, some laugh, and some just look.

At one point he notices two teenage girls, who look about the age of 13, laughing so hard but enjoying what they witness in this man singing. One girl had brown hair and the other black small braids, and they looked so young and innocent because of how they hovered over their mouths whispering to each other.

Liam did not care; he would always sing along with music from his past. Something about the music he grew up with made him feel alive and young again.

Growing up in that nostalgic decade, Gen X reflects on their teenage years and shaped them into the people they are today. Each generation has some kind of feeling about how they grew up, but for Gen X, they were the first latchkey kids and the first to watch MTV.

This will always be a core element of their character. Liam just keeps singing the song, and this makes him happy as he drives to the courts to meet with his brothers from another.