Desire

Desire

Noun

A strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

This is a story about passion, greed, corruption and lust..

I hated living with my parents. I was 25 and it just saddened me that I was still there. It was small and cramped and my parents were crap at decorating. They just didn't care, it was like they just gave up. I tried a few times to buy things to spruce up the place but it just ended up becoming disorganised and cluttered and often looked like shithole. My dad loved find things and bringing it into the home, he also had a collection of hideous carpets he prized. It genuinely confused me that he kept hold of them. I think because his dad loved them. There were a range of Afghan, Turkish /Middle Eastern ones. Some heavily patterned and collecting dust and some in decent condition.

I just want to save up enough to leave.

I walked down the stairs and looked outside the window. It was July but overcast today. It was a Tuesday morning. I had nothing on and felt weird. It always gave me a sick feeling when I wasn't doing anything during the weekday. The anxiety kicked in. I felt like like a loser and quite claustrophobic. While others my age were living life, I was here. I wasn't studying, I don't really know what I was doing.

I guess I was just being dramatic, after all many 25 year old were at home, right? Some newly graduated, some staying due to cost,

I got dressed and ready for my day and out the door I went. I always took a daily walk up Chislehurst way. It was nice, I loved having that time to think and it provided me the freedom and space

I needed a slap or something to wake me up and or kick me into gear. What was the point of my life? I wish someone would just come in and just tell me to get a grip or run away. I think what I needed was a friend.

It started to drizzle as I walked up to my favourite spot, a leafy green hilly spot filled it was scattered with benches and overlooked a small lake and pub. It was beautiful. It was peaceful. There was no other way to describe it.

Nothing more, nothing less.

It was even more serene and tranquil at night and looked beautiful in the evening. The town lit up with fairy lights and lanterns which left a stunning reflection on the lake. That in conjunction with the moonlight from the night sky looked magical. Like liquid shimmer. Watery, twinkly and beautiful.

Now it was just looked plain, ordinary from the daylight and dull weather. It was still beautiful. I watched as the ducks flocked together out the water with their young to stretch their legs.

Imagine if I stole a duck.

These ones were massive. I imagined picking one up and it screeching and flapping its wings. It's face vacant but its emotions in indescribable terror and fear. Probably best to not then.

My thoughts flashed to my brother, he was annoying me, I hadn't heard from him in ages. This whole situation with him irked me so much. Oh well, I thought. I should just cut my losses and let him be happy. He deserved that. I wasnt mad at him being happy or the wedding or anything. I just wanted him to be peaceful so left it at that. I was trying to be nice after all.

This spot gave me such a beautiful feeling, it reminded me so much of a book I used to read. The atmosphere amazing but equally hard to describe. It was a small little leafy town and was quaint and had a beautiful energy. The small town felt crisp and exciting but was quiet and well kept. It had a magical energy that made me feel like I was home in a way that my own home didn't do. I could pinpoint what the feeling was I just knew stimulated and inspired my creative mind.

As I walked back I walked up the concrete stairs. I put my key through the door and instantly was hit with my Dad's voice calling me from the lounge. “Guess who came by , that black and white cat from last year.”

My heart stopped. My blood running cold

That same cat from last year..

His overjoyed eyes glancing to his left. I followed his gaze and out walked the same tiny black and white cat. I freaked instantly. No, no , I do not like this. No way was it coming back in my life.

“Come on, it was raining and she was crying.”

I looked at it, a mini devil. It had put on a little weight since the last time I saw it. It was still very lean and tiny. It couldn't have been older than 2 years but it still had its peachy eyes. I knew they were actually striking green eyes discoloured due to dehydration. I didn't trust it.

Flashback

1 year ago

June 2024

I struggled to concentrate my head was a mess. I felt caged in and it still felt like the mental home in my head. The stove was on and the pan spitting oil as I tossed the Chicken breast fillet into the pan. We were experiencing a heatwave in London and it felt like there was no air in the home. The added heat from the pan had me panicking inside.

Not good.

It felt being on the ward again.

Just then, my Dad called me from outside and motioned to me. “look that was the cat I was talking about. ” His voice excited but quiet for fear of it running off. I look down and there was small cat looking curiously at me. Its small face meeting my eyes. It looked at me with a irritated, feeble look. Almost like a toddler being woken up.

It looked like an alien.

Its face hideous but so cute. Its head small but its slanted eyes expressive and pissed off. It reminded me of that alien with the big head from Men In Black. Its eyes looked a little

It walked slowly toward me but not in the usual feline way, more . I couldn't understand if it was apprehensive or curious. Its face so tiny but miserable looking. It was adorable but horrible at the same time. It was probably a stray, I felt bad. I went in the kitchen and broke tiny pieces of chicken for it to eat. I wasn't ideal but it was the best I could do considering the time.

Something felt weird though, like I shouldn't have fed it. It was probably me, me overthinking the situation.

Her presence, though quiet was ominous.

I’d never had an experience I could recall where I’d had that same feeling. I felt genuine apprehension, like maybe I should have kept my distance. My dad disagreed and was adamant we bring her in.

“Lets bring her inside, she’ll get cold she probably doesn't have a home. Just for tonight”