Chapter 1
I sat in a chair in the corner, mainly in the back, my pen hitting my notebook. Professor Johnson was speaking, doing the lecture but I couldn’t focus, my eyes were on my ex, Matthew Santen. His arm is already around some other girl's shoulders and honestly, I’m not sure whether I’m more angry or sad. I felt a nudge in my side and I looked at Nikki, her copper colored micros short and curled at the end. Her brows were raised. “Stop looking at him, it’s not making you feel any better,” she said to me.
“I know but I just,” I trail off, not sure how to explain it.
“No buts,” Danelle jumps in, her skin equally darker than mine. Her usually thick black mane was hot combed straight, touching the middle of her back. My hair on the other hand was much much shorter, stopping at my chin in layered bundles of curls. I sigh.
“Fine,” I say in defeat.
“Great, now let’s pay attention please. I must not fail this class,” Nikki says to us both, crossing her legs like she was the boss. Once class was over and we could take lunch, we were at the lounge. The walls were literally bookshelves, covered in books. So it was partially the college library as well. Only, you could talk and eat here without being shushed. Nikki was holding an iced coffee from Starbucks, Danelle a hot coffee, and me a blended iced Mocha.
All of us had burgers and fries and I relaxed a little. Danelle was reading a book she had paid for in the bookshop not too long ago, barely paying attention to me and Nikki. Nikki’s legs were crossed as always, like she was some kind of uptight diva, even if she wasn’t. “Matthew was horrible to you, seriously. If I got paid from the amount of times you came back crying from all of those arguments, I’d be a billionaire by now.
He’s narcissistic and just a huge jackass in general,” Nikki puts out there and I narrow my eyes at her but she continues. “You don’t deserve some toxic ass man like Matthew Santen,” she says firmly but also compassionately.
“I agree with Nikki,” Danelle says, her eyes still on her romance book.
“Matthew and I were high school sweethearts,” I add.
“I don’t care if you both were together as damn babies in the womb. No man, I mean no man, has a right to make you feel worthless Zuri. And that’s what he did. So he’s out and he needs to stay out.”
“Again, I agree with Nikki.”
“Why are you both ganging up on me?”
“Because we love you,” Danelle tells me, her eyes finally leaving her book to look at me.
“Exactly.” I sigh, looking at the homework assigned to all three of us. It was a lot but Danelle seemed unbothered, going back and forth between reading a chapter of her book and studying. Afterwards we went to my small two bedroom apartment. The apartment is on campus, Nikki and Danelle sharing a two bedroom apartment across the hall from me. We didn’t want dorms so this is what we got. Comfy, cozy, and our own.
The girls plopped on the grey couch, Nikki turning the TV on a mystery show. I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Watermelon was freshly cut and I knew Jalen was here a while ago. I pushed my hair back and I grabbed the clear bowl. Jalen would probably hate me when he got back but it would be fine. I walked to the couch too, squeezing between my girls.
Danelle looked at me. “It’ll get better. Just know that,” she says with a warming smile and I smiled back at her, taking a bite of a watermelon cube. Danelle helps dig in but Nikki leaves to make fresh popcorn with a tangy seasoning in the kitchen because she hates butter popcorn and is always picky. The show seemed to be nice and we were all chilling, none of us changing out of our clothes. The door opened about half an hour later, Jalen coming in. He was sweaty, and out of breath, all three of us looking at him.
Yet, Jalen’s hazel brown eyes were on the clear bowl that the watermelon was in. “No the fuck you did not,” he starts and I try my innocent look.
“We needed a snack for the movie. Don’t be pissed.”
“I cut those like five minutes ago,” he says but a small smile was on his face, so I knew he wasn’t really that upset.
“You were gone for thirty,” Nikki counters trying to help me out, her pointer finger in the air.
“One of you is cutting me some more,” he tells the three of us, walking towards the back and I smiled, shaking my head. Jalen and I knew each other since we were five, our houses right next to each other. Jalen’s Mom had just got out of a divorce, and my Mom being the extrovert she is, had managed to become friends with the woman. Although Jalen and I aren’t the closest, we have that type of historic bond that we know that if there's no one else we can go to, we can go to one another. We easily became each other's safe place, we knew how to start off where we left off. Nikki and Danelle continue watching the show and I start on cutting the other half of the watermelon for Jalen. I stood at the bar, my eyes going back and forth from the TV and the watermelon.
Jalen's reason for us living together is firmly the same as mine: we didn’t want to live with strangers. Jalen hated the thought of it and I did too. My thoughts about Jalen left when I saw a man and a woman arguing on the screen. He threw a glass plate across the room, yelling at her and it instantly reminded me of Matthew. That same attitude, the throwing things, the yelling.
It all reminded me of him. But we had good times, like the walks on the beach, looking at the stars in the back of his truck. They were all beautiful times but the one thing Nikki and Danelle never fail to remind me is that the bad should never outweigh the good. And with Matthew, it always did. Happy days where we weren’t arguing about him coming to me smelling like someone else, him trying to make me beg for his time, him accusing me of cheating, calling me ugly, telling me I was delusional, or all of his gaslighting, rarely came.
The list never stopped and it hurted more than I wanted it to. “Can you smile? What's up with the frown?” I looked at Jalen, his hazel brown eyes burning mine while he moved to stand next to me.
“Nothing,” I say quickly, coming out of my head. Jalen looks at me in disbelief.
“You're thinking about that dickhead aren't you?” I roll my eyes. Jalen reaches for a watermelon cube and I quickly move the bowl out of his reach.
“You should apologize.”
“Apologize?” I nod. “Me?” I nod again.
“Yes you should,” I say firmly.
“I'm just saying. He is. Don't you think you deserve roses and shit? Like all of them boujee ass dates up North somewhere? Something like those dumb fiction romance books Danelle reads?”
“Um, excuse me, keep my books out of it,” Danelle yells at us both, both of us looking at her. I smiled at the look on her face that was full of attitude and sass. Danelle did not play about her books. Jalen smirks, looking at me once again, his expression expecting but I say nothing.
“You do,” he answers for me, his expression serious now and I shake my head but I smile a little, feeling much better than before.
“I love you,” I say and Jalen smiles at me.
“Better than I love you?”
“Always.” He scoffs, smiling wider.
“Never.” I shake my head again, putting the last watermelon cube in the bowl and Jalen points at it. “Can you make those smaller?” I look at all of the cubes in the bowl then at him.
“Like hell,” I say with a happy smile on my face and he laughs a little. He kisses my forehead.
“Thank you,” he says simply, grabbing the bowl. “I'm going to the back. That run killed me. Y'all have a good night,” he says to me, Danelle and Nikki.
“You too,” Danelle and Nikki say to him and he walks away doing what he said. I walk over to Danelle and Nikki. I sit between them again, taking some fresh popcorn from Nikki.
