The Hero's Choice

I always did love him. The way he smiled at me mysteriously from a distance. The way he showed off when he fought. Even the way he bolted every time the cops showed up.

He was my star crossed lover. Never meant to be, yet together for some bizarre reason.

It all started a few years ago. A freak nuclear explosion destroyed my entire city and everyone in it, leaving me with nothing but these new anomalous powers and a desperate desire to redeem myself for being the lone survivor.

A victim. A freak. A threat. Untrustworthy. Unpredictable. Callous. Villain. Stranger. Lone wolf. Yea, I’ve heard them all. Yet what was I really? Could I even be considered a hero after all my sins?

It seemed I only felt one thing anymore. One deadly emotion that would kill me one day.

Guilt. Guilt so strong it gripped the inside of me and tried to consume my whole being. It ate at me like regret and fear morphed into a sick, perverted creature looking for souls to reap. I could have saved them. Or could I have?

The amount of doubt I pressed on myself would eventually be my downfall, I knew. But I couldn’t prevent it.

I lived this way for years, a decade almost.

But only now did things start to change. Him. My weakness. The one that saved me. He turned out to be the masked vigilante I had been chasing for the past three years.

But how could there be two heroes? Glory can only stretch so thin before it snaps.

So, I confronted him.

He told me he would give it all up. He would disappear and let me be the only hero if I promised him a place in my heart. If I promised to forgive myself.

Half of me said to do it. Take the risk of love and let it all go.

Yet there was a nagging doubt in the pit of my stomach.

I could barely fight alongside him in fear of him getting hurt. He was all I had left. I had lost everyone.

What if I was wrong though? He could be my downfall. The warrior’s fatal weakness. I had a world to save and a reputation to repair, therefore all setbacks were prohibited. Nothing could tie me down if I expected to be a superhero. Especially not love.

As I ran behind him through the shadows, his freezing fingers laced between mine, the choice rang in my ears. A hero’s love story never ended well. One always died, if not both. I had to choose, however, and in my mind there was only one way to end this.

“Come on,” His sweet voice rang clearly through the damp, cold air.

We came to a halt at the edge of the cliff. The stars shined brightly in the winter sky as he gazed at them, his wondrous eyes shifting back and forth between constellations. His chapped lips moved as he silently named each one. I smiled.

His trust in me had grown over the last few months and a part of me screamed that I would be betraying him. Betraying myself. Yet I had to. He was the only thing getting in the way of my complete success. There could only be one good guy.

Years ago I never would have even considered harming someone I loved, but that was the past.

Being a hero results in one of two things: you will either die trying to protect the ones you love most, or you will watch them die and become so callous you don’t care who you may have to hurt to save the majority. Sadly the latter had become my reality. He was the only exception. Or was he now even that?

My heart beat faster as I slowly pulled out the deadly object. The gun was cold and heavy in my bare hands. He stood, unmoving, as I raised the end to aim at his back.

A tear escaped my eye. I guess I’m not as cold-hearted as presumed, I thought ruefully.

His shaggy black hair blew in the wind and I couldn’t help but wonder what would become of the world if I was the one who died. He could be the lone hero, after all.

His innocence outranked mine by an army. Maybe innocence is what I was missing. I couldn’t get it back though. It had disappeared with my dignity and will to live the day I watched my brother slowly die in my arms.

My past defines me and my future denies me.

The choice was mine and mine alone. No one could choose for me. The fates of us both lay in my grasp and one twitch of my finger would change it all.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered into the night. Then I shifted my hands and pulled the trigger.

My body fell limply to the ground as a numbing fire worked its way through my lungs. He screamed, but it was barely audible.

I never knew what death felt like until now. Everything was so... distant. The bright stars blurred as the life was sucked from my veins with every fading heartbeat. I vaguely noticed his arms around my dying body.

It was for the best. I tried to reassure myself, but knew this would break him even more than it would me.

Maybe it was selfish. Maybe I should have waited for things to play out. But it was too late now.

Blood seeped from the wound as he held me, his hand pressed against my chest where the bullet had entered. I tried to whisper “I had to,” but I was already too far gone.

Gazing at the beautiful, shining stars, I smiled one last time. Oh how small I felt in that moment. Just a speck in the unending galaxies and how significant I could have been.

He shook me but the gesture was barely felt. “Mirah, stay with me.” His voice cracked, the sound miles away. “Why did you do this?... I-I love you. You can't go. I love you, Mirah!”

I couldn’t answer, of course. I was practically dead. But I did have one last thought. A pleasant one, surprisingly. The complete truth. The one thing I was still sure about even as I took my last shallow breath...

I always did love him.