Goner

“I’m sorry, Rei, but this is the last straw,” Sophia declared, standing over a fallen rack of potato chips.

Rei began lifting the rack back up and replacing the bags, but Sophia ordered her to stop and return her store vest. She hadn’t meant to knock the rack over- she had stumbled into it on her way in for her shift at the convenience store. She was a little tipsy, but she swore she hadn’t had enough to make her stumble like that- just enough to get rid of her handover.

“I didn’t mean to,” Rei mumbled as she took off the red vest, “I’m sorry.”

Sophia took off the nametag and hung it on the wall with the extras, trying to ignore the underlying stench of old vomit. That was from Ian’s last party and as bad as Rei’s memory was, she remembered that night well.

“Please,” Sophia started, “just get out. I’ll mail you your last paycheck later this week.”

Rei nodded and left. The fluorescent lights were giving her a headache anyway.

Idiot. Why’d you have to go and get drunk, you big dumbass? You know why, you alcoholic piece of shit, she thought.

Her black canvas shoes hit the pavement hard as she walked home. No car, no job, no money.

Later this week? I can’t afford dinner, let alone groceries for the next however many days before she sends me my measly paycheck. What am I gonna do for food now? What fucking place is gonna hire me with my record of drunk idiocy? How am I gonna pay rent?

She began to panic the longer she thought about it. After what felt like an eternity, she was crying at the front door of her tiny, second-story apartment. She patted down her pockets looking for her keys and remembered they were in the pocket of the vest she just gave her manager at Lucky’s Get & Go Market.

No car, no job, no money, no keys. Luckily she didn’t have anything too important on her key ring- just her house key, the key to a car she didn’t have, and the key to Nathan’s apartment. Nathan.

Rei pulled her phone from her pocket and opened a new message to Nathan. Then she closed it, opened it, and closed it again. She couldn’t will herself to ask him for help after everything he’d already done for her.

***

The glowing green lights from inside shone through the windows beneath her. The sky was dark and full of stars somewhere past the clouds. A breeze ran through her sweater and sent a shiver up her spine, but being up here was better than the alternative.

“Oh, hey,” said a voice behind her, making her jump.

She turned around to see a tall, muscular looking man with shaggy brown hair down to his ears. He stepped towards her, but stopped when he saw her tense.

“You ok?” he asked warily.

She sniffled and he understood.

“Trying he escape the crowd?” he suggested. “That’s what I’m doing.”

“I just…” Rei started before trailing off. “I don’t know. It was all too much too fast, ya know?”

“I know.”

The man came and sat next to her.

“I’m Nathan, he smiled and held out his hand.

She took it and introduced herself.

***

It’s okay, you’re okay. She ran the words through her head over and over in an attempt to calm herself down.

It didn’t work; tears began to spill down her cheeks. She didn’t mean for them to be there, but she couldn’t stop them.

She saw a half empty bottle of whiskey on the small table next to her and reached for it, taking one last look at Nathan’s contact info on her phone.

You’re doing this to yourself.

She took a drink from the bottle and her mouth burned. She hated the taste, but over the years she learned to ignore it and took another drink.

Her phone began to buzz in her hand- Nathan was calling her. She gulped down some more and answered.

“Hello?”

“Heeyyy Rei!” Nathan’s usually smooth voice was sloppy and dripping with booze.

“Are you drunk?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know you don’t like when I drunk call you,” he said, sounding vaguely like an ashamed child, “but! I really want you to come over.”

“Nathan, now really isn’t a good time. I’m trying to drown my sorrows, man.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. Do you want to be alone?”

“No,” she blurted. “I… I don’t know what I want.”

“Do you want to come over?”

“I don’t know.”

“I got Tito’s,” he said in his most beckoning voice.

“Fine.”

Tito’s was her favorite vodka- it smelled like rubbing alcohol and it was so strong she couldn’t even taste it.

She took a fourth swig of whiskey, stood up too fast and toppled back over, spilling a few drops on her shirt.

My signature perfume.

She took another drink and felt her head spin. There was a fire in her stomach that almost felt like it might come crawling up her throat, but she was used to the feeling. The events of the day hadn’t caught up to her yet, not since Nathan called and provided the distraction she needed. She tried standing up a second time, slower this time and made it all the way up, only needing a little help from the railing to her left to hold her full underweight self up.

Her head spun and threatened to send her back down again, but she held herself together and managed not to fall down the stairs while she figured out how to balance.