The Journey Inward

The mortarboards went flying as the last speech ended the graduations ceremony. The audience was clapping and parents were proud. A few were hollering as a means of congratulating our efforts. The senior graduates, including myself, were ecstatic. I am officially a man. Now I can start putting my plans into action.

“Adam, Adam!” Cynthia yelled. I couldn’t see where she was. I will catch up to her later.

My Mom and Dad met me outside to take pictures. My dad wanted to be in the first picture. Cynthia caught up to me, “Shit, It’s a madhouse in there.”

“Tell, me about it?” It was difficult talking to Cynthia as the crowd of people worked their way out of the High School graduation ceremony.

“You coming to my party?” Cynthia looked at me.

“I might later. I can’t stay up too late. I’m going to Oklahoma City tomorrow.” I smiled while looking over the crowd.

“Hey, Bro!” Some of my friends hugged me as we congratulated each other.

" Wow, Would I be able to go with you?” She smiled at me.

“Cynthia, Cynthia, Your Dad and I are leaving. Hey Adam, You coming to the party?” Cynthia’s Mom came over to pull her away.

“No mam,” I said to Cynthia’s Mom, then looked at Cynthia, “Come by tomorrow about Nine O’clock.”

“I will see you tomorrow.” Cynthia disappeared into the crowd with her Mom.

The next morning I walked into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. My Dad was sitting there drinking his coffee while reading the newspaper. Cynthia knocked on the door, and I went to let her in.

I grabbed a bowl for her. She was sitting at the table as I sat next to her. She poured her cereal. My Dad took a sip from his coffee, “These people nowadays are so ridiculous.”

Cynthia took a spoonful of cereal, “Why do you say that, Mr. Kadmon?”

“Look at this article. The women are having a march in Chicago. The “Me Too” movement. That is the most ridiculous thing. That is what is wrong with this country.” My Dad stated.

“What is so bad about that?” Cynthia looked at my Dad.

“Why anybody who reads the bible knows that woman was put on this planet to be under a man. Right son?” My dad looked at me.

“Whatever you say, Dad,” I have learned not to argue with my Dad. I stood up and put my bowl in the sink. I looked at my Mom and Dad. “I may be late. Cynthia and I are going to Oklahoma City.”

My Mom asked, “What is in Oklahoma City?”

“I am going to try to get a job roughnecking or roustabouting.” I looked at my Dad.

“That’s my boy! It’s time to step up and be a man. Yesterday you represented your town on the Elgin Owls football team. Now you’re going where the real money is. You’re not sitting in some college that costs thousands of dollars to get a job that still can’t put food on the table. I am proud of you son. Go for it.” My dad was smiling as he said that.

In the car, while driving down the highway, Cynthia kept looking at me. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

“Just thinking!” She shifted around in the car seat. I glanced her direction a couple of times. “You’re Dad is very opinionated!”

“That isn’t anything new.” I chuckled.

“I know. It has me wondering.” Cynthia was looking at the surrounding landscape down the highway.

“You were wondering about what?” I turned down the radio.

“You’ve been exposed your whole life to those opinions. I do see a little bit of your Dad in you. But it makes me wonder.” Cynthia looked at me as she shifted sideways.

“Wonder about what?” I asked.

“How much of those opinions do you share?” Cynthia scooted over next to me and put her arm around me.

I started laughing. “You do not have to worry about that. I can’t stand my Dad. That is why it is so important to get this job.”

“Mmm-hmmm” She was quiet while looking at the highway.

“What is that suppose to mean.” I laughed.

“We’ll see.” Then Cynthia started laughing.

“Are you serious about going there for a job?”

“Yes, well...one of the reasons.” I looked at Cynthia.

“What else are you going there for?” Cynthia asked.

“A special bookstore.” I looked at her.

“It isn’t one of those adult bookstores, is it?” Cynthia’s attitude changed and was a little angry, “I don’t want to go to a porn store.”

“It isn’t a porn store.” I started laughing at Cynthia.

We walked into the New Age store. Cynthia looked at me, “This is a witchcraft store.”

“Yes. But it has more than just witchcraft things.” I showed her the two books I had on Astral Projection and Lucid dreaming.

“I don’t know if I like the idea of you doing these things.” She was skimming through the books.

“Relax. I have already done it. I been doing it for quite a while but was failing until recently. ” I looked at Cynthia, “You should try it.”

“No thanks,” Cynthia gave me a weird look, “I think you should be careful. You never know what you are getting involved in until it is too late.”

“You are just paranoid.” I placed the book on the counter to pay for them.

“Maybe, but don’t say I didn’t warn you." Cynthia sometimes was just like my Mom.

The flickering candles cast a light glow to the room as the flames danced on their wick. The sounds of nature blended with the soft binaural beats played quietly on my stereo. The mild aroma filled the room from the incense I lit.

It has been a long four months of failures as I tried to project myself into an out of body experience. But now I have succeeded and have been working the paths of Kabbalah.

Tonight is my fourth time to meet my Astral guide. I now stood in my Astral guide's bedroom; I should say Arwen’s bedroom. She is my astral guide. My Earth name she told me is Adam Kadmon, but my astral name is Janus. She told me tonight would be special.

I was worried that it wouldn’t work because I am too excited. The blue-green dots danced across the screen of my mind. As I began to hear the buzzing noise started, I felt like I was flying through space. I was weightless, and images just seemed to whizz by. Then I saw my destination and focused on it.

I saw her reflexion in her mirror. Her smile was welcoming. “So, my prince returns.” Arwen greeted me with her smile and eyes that glittered. “I missed you."

Arwen took small steps while coming toward me. Her long hair laid over her shoulders. Her breasts were visible beneath the sheer gown. She pressed her body against mine and kissed me.

“I missed you too.” I held her in my arms and lost myself in the pleasure of her womanliness pressed against me.

“So easily excited I see.” She giggled, “Before we get lost in that, there is something you should see.”

“But tonight is going to be a night to remember.” My eyes pleaded for her enchantment. “That is what you said last time.”

Arwen looked at the bulge and smiled at me. “It will be. But not for the sensual pleasures you seek.”

Arwen led me by the hand out the double doors, and we stood at the railing of the patio. The grass was green with a few small trees and shrubs. In the distance, a forest, which nobody dared enter, spread in its expanse to the base of some foothills.

As I looked at the scenery, I felt an emptiness in my heart. With all the beauty that was before me, I felt something was not right. Where were the children? Where were the people of Hod?

In all my other visits, Hod was a place of festivities. There were always picnics, games, and activities for the children. The elderly smiled and laughed at the children as they played. But this wasn’t the case today. There were no people out.

“Where is everyone?” I looked at Arwen. “It looks like a ghost village today.”

“The people of Hod are preparing for war.” Arwen’s eyes were looking at the ground.

“I don’t understand?” I lifted Arwen’s face so I could see her eyes. “Who are they going to war with?”

“The people of Netzach. The people of Hod has been able to keep the tensions down. However, now it isn’t working?” There seemed hesitation in Arwen’s voice.

I was nervous to ask why. I have only known Arwen for a brief time. Despite the short time we have known each other. She has been direct in answering my questions.

Today, she is having trouble maintaining eye contact. That makes me nervous. I need to know what is going on. But at the same time, I have a feeling that I will not like what Arwen says when I hear it.

“Why do the people of Netzach want war?” I looked at Arwen. It took her about a minute.

“It is because of you.” Arwen looked at me.

“What do you mean?” I was confused. I have only been to Hod four times. How could I create a war? Arwen is the only person I have met. Everyone else, I have seen from the balcony.“Are you angry with me?”

“No, I am not angry. Why would you ask that?” Arwen came over to me and put her arms around me.

“You said that it is my fault that a war is starting.” I looked to the ground. My foot fumbled with a stone that laid on the patio deck.

“Most the time, Humans who come here misunderstand?” Arwen pulled away for a second to look at me. “I was afraid you would misunderstand.”

“Misunderstand what?” I asked.

“This is about you. This war is your first step in discovering your spirituality.” Arwen smiled while her fingers traced around my lips. “This war is about discovering your true self.”

“When do we start?” I looked at Arwen.

“It isn’t going to be easy.” Arwen looked at me with hesitancy. "I must consult with Raphael.”

“Who is Raphael?” I said while feeling a bit confused.

“Raphael is the Archangel over Hod.” She looked at me, “I thought everyone knew that.”

“Well, it just, slipped my mind.” I smiled at her.

“You stay here; I shall return shortly.” She kissed me on the lips and bid me wait for her return.

When Arwen returned, she was not alone. Ten others came in with her. Ten others came in with her. They grabbed me and pinned me to the floor. I was struggling against the ropes that bound my hands.

“Arwen, tell them I am with you.” I was struggling to get up; they kept me down.

“Janus, this is for your good.” Arwen’s voice was now stern.

“What are you planning on doing?” I was continuing to struggle. Somebody had their knee in my back. The pain shot through me every time I tried to turn.

“Janus, we are all going to try to stop the war. You do not know what dangers lurk outside of Hod.” They stood me up on my feet, and Arwen stood directly in front of me with her face only inches away from mine. My eyes were casting bullets at that time. I was still trying to free myself.

“So you tie me up and make me your prisoner. Is that the idea? You’re going to hand me over to them as a peace offering?” The rage was building in me.

“Enough of that talk!” Arwen yelled at me. She looked at the ten that bound me, “Take him out! We leave now.”