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|| The Siren Song || KTH ||
Starring: Kim Taehyung
Started & Ended: October 20, 2018
Word Count: 4761
Pages: 12
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[Unedited]
‘And I still want you...’
The last chorus.
Vibration from my vocal cords diminishes, meeting a parallel line of motionlessness as I sing the very last lyric. I purse my lips to a thin line, a void solvent of silence dissolves in the elimination of my voice in the environment. The strong breeze of afternoon air flow and bash, one or two dry leaves fall down and touch my lap giving me my required silent clap. Sitting on the same old only mat, I hear the small sounds of footsteps around, so similar to the pitter-pattering sound when raindrops plummet down the sky. The only vision before my eyes is black. It has always been. A vast field of pitch black filling up every corner defeating light in the race, no colors or phosphenes are allowed to enter its territory. It likes me so much, never left me alone for once ever since my childhood. It is like my friend. An obsessed possessive friend.
A smile creeps on my face.
I gently lift up the guitar and pull it near my lap. Its hard and cold smooth surface gives me a chill, a barrel of relief through my alike days of no change and no fate. The only mate my dark has.
I move my fingers over its strings. A low but sharp tune breaks with the small touch, that it’s ready to provide me with a melody to accompany my only belonging- my voice and ready to stop whenever I want it to, continue if I don’t.
So I sing.
Infringing the flux of my cadences, I continue hearing the small and small footsteps, cracking of dry leaves underneath their slow and fast movements. I never see the owners, but my darkness is my light. From the pictureless vision in my mind, I can feel them, I can receive more than just some sounds. This dusk made me lose, but tricking it, I gained a lot too.
Heavy footsteps walk by slowly, the cracking of leaves is slow. It’s an old man, taking a leisurely afternoon stroll to enjoy the inner peace in the last stage of his life. His sounds disappear in a while. Two more foot sounds arrive. One is very small, passing little distance at a time. A little baby with its mother. So happy and so living, running fast then taking a stop, hurrying her to be as fast as it. They get away soon too.
The same smile gets back on my face.
My voice reaches a higher note. My hand aggressively rush over the strings to produce the last breathing fast melody of the song. I am at the verge of its end, a sudden crack disrupts the flow I am so proud that I can produce.
I see no see.
But I feel.
A sweet rosy fragrance ignites my nose. My breathing stops for a while; the heart inside skips a beat, in surprise or in something else. The space to my left, I feel it is vacant no more. A figure stands there, Footsteps don’t accompany him or her. Zephyr passes more of its perfume to my nose, rising a sudden addiction as it does. I don’t know what’s so special about it, about the owner. But a sudden urge lifts me up inside, to prove the vanity I have for my singing is not void. The last lyric to the song is not last anymore. I sing the chorus again, bringing a slight change to the tune to add some more seconds to the song, to let them witness more of my voice, more of me.
My hands stop.
My lungs expands panting for air.
Dry leaves fall again, reaching my sitting body with their small drifting self. My voice goes off to give the environment its pleasing silence. But it isn’t silent anymore.
Two hands clap together, slowly. Then a voice awes.
‘Wow! You sing so great!’
I jolt then shift my head to the side. My heart skips uncountable beats. A warm feeling gushes to the bloodstream in my arteries and veins, like a drug being injected down my nerves.
H-her voice...
Honey-like is not an enough word to describe. Oceans as if joined together to form an ultra-pacific, all the rivers and lakes are poured down to it, that flows with a high speed and smashes whatever that comes near not even required to create a tsunami, that just smashed mine. The last handful of water for a traveler lost in the desert, the last page for a poet to write the last poem of his life, the only shade of color provided to an artist to create a world-turning masterpiece...
It feels like I just heard a song.
A song that can crack the hungry predators’ souls to make them stop their search and for a moment listen to it.
She is a savior of thousands of hearts and lucky she, didn’t even know about it.
‘...thanks...’
‘Can you sing one more? Plweease?!’ The small bag next to me is shifted and she settles herself down taking over its place. I feel her face brought near to me, shooting invisible eagerness that doesn’t require to get seen but can still be felt. Her fingers tap patiently on the ground covered with the mat.
I place the guitar back to its place. Another gentle ting, and my vocal cords work to give life to inks of lyrics written down on a few pages. This time, my voice livelier than ever, most enthused in forever. I sing for my life. I sing and ready to never stop. My guitar is happy. I sing to sing. I sing to give eye to my voice. I sing to give wings to my lyrics. I sing to give air to my song.
She laughs, to give soul to my heart.
‘I have never heard such a deep and fabulous voice. You are so, so great! And I mean it! What’s your name?’
My hand sweats, rose flashes its shade over my cheeks and hotness proves its flames. I give my most pleasing smile.
‘I am Taehyung.’
What is your name?
[]
I sit in the same place. Same mat placed over the ground, same old hat placed forth, same old bag settles next to me. Same wooden guitar on the other side, waiting. I smell the sound heavy air. It’s wet and a soothing smell of soil. Footstep sounds are fast, there is noticeably a rush among the people. The sky gives a tiny bark using its clouds. The air feels cold a bit.
I sniffle in the frostiness. None of it matters to me anyway.
I hold my guitar and fix the clip. There’s a roughness forming over the edge of the strings, rubbing over them doesn’t give a sense of smoothness like before. I need to replace them soon. After I gather enough money to gift my stomach, then.
I create a soft murmur of tune. Second of pause, then another. Another. Fourth time, the flow continues, and my voice gives birth to an offspring lyric. Continues. The lyrics learn to crawl, speak, stand up, fail and drop to a low note, stand up again and try walking. Sometime after, their wings will grow, ready to fly.
I don’t know time.. I am not familiar with its passing and existence. I know when the sun comes out, morning grows and dies, afternoon reaches when I get up and head to this fixed domain of mine. I know when the night arrives after evening departs. I don’t see them come and go, my senses tell them to me. Time never makes any difference to me. Morning remains just like noon, afternoon is like how night is. One which remains unfelt, unrealized, immobile or moving even that is unknown, how can I tell that it actually exists?
I can’t.
Because either way, it never matters to me.
I feel the rush in people rises. I remain unbothered. My song now has wings that are half-grown, yet to fly. I continue my creation. No God leaves their work unfinished. I am not even a God. So I can’t even more.
The sky now gives out a huge snarl. It can’t wait to cascade its flood of tears it borrowed from the water bodies. Tension lifts a level high. People start to move faster. Nobody is willing to relish under the saltiness of the sky. Soon the place will be vacant, no beings, only I will remain left and enjoy the moment all by myself when everyone else will miss.
A small wet drop falls over my eyelid I feel, that crawls down leaving a stain on my left cheek. My fingers take a shape, tips brush against the white thin rays in pleasure. Another drop reaches my lips. I taste the salt and smile. The sky can’t work its threats on me. No parent can leave their child behind. Neither can I. My song needs me. The way I need it.
Done with enough threats, the impatient sky ends its wait. A huge bucket filled with water connected to a fountain, fast droplets of water cascade down crossing unknown height and continue to soak the world. My uncovered part of skin attains their layer by losing a degree of heat. My fingers stiff in cold, skin wrinkles and they shake before vibrating the strings. The sky laughs at me, providing a large crash of barks and howls. The shot of smile never leaves my face. The last amount of energy should be broken and used, so I don’t stop. My child has its wings ready. They had their first fail. Now, it’s its time to fly.
‘Why are you still out?’ The last chorus gets its flight, looking back at me in gratitude it flies away. My quivering lips stop. My heart is already in a state of mess.
That voice...
Oceans combine together again, gains speed to smash my heart.
The rose fragrance is back. I want to dive in its flood and squash my face in its depth, treasuring it.
The shooting of rain stops in a while. Above my head I feel a shade has arrived. A radiant of warmth shifts and comes closer, contaminating some to mine.
‘Oh gosh, you’re so soaking wet.’ A warm hand places over my cheek and I am electrified. My lungs pant. I suffocate for air. I want to touch it, touch her, but I can’t. It won’t feel right and I want to break the rule and eliminate the long thread of distance betwee us two strangers. I want to fight my friend the darkness. I want to find the tiniest source of light and help it to burge in and enlighten me. I want to see her, I want to get more feels, more sensation and never did I ever feel so helpless like this.
‘Come with me.’ She pulls me up and laces fingers around my arms. Like an obedient being, I follow and cross path of distance with her dragging me along. Her hand tightly holds, not budging a bit, so warm and wet with living emotions.
I never want to let go of it.
[][]
She comes every day.
I sing a song to her and she claps like a small kid. We chat, walk around a bit. She thinks me of as a friend. Her laughs come easy when around me. I am happy with that. When her wrist watch clicks an alarm, she gives me a goodbye and runs. I smile waving at her. My passing days have changed, my living reason is upgraded, and I see my darkness a shade lighter. Everyday I wait for her. At the perfect time she comes, with her bubbly and fun-loving nature she surrounds me with happiness and laughs. My laughs are much wide now. To my surprise, I can even crack loud laughs too. She compliments me when I laugh. She says I have a box smile. I ask how it is. Then she takes my hand, point my index finger out and blow over the ground surface to create an uneven four vertex shape. I smile.
She compliments me a lot.
Her hair is really long. I don’t know how it looks, but it feels so soft and silky, and has a nice smell. I like to touch it, poke out one or two locks. She complains and forbids me to do that. I laugh. She laughs too.
One day she brings a friend.
‘Taehyung-ah, today I brought a friend. Look who it is.’ She happily states.
‘Hello.’ I smilingly greet. My limbs stiff a bit as the next voice to appear is musculine.
‘Hello. Nice to meet you. I am Hoseok.’
I give another smile. A few seconds pass, in sudden silence.
‘Umm...are you...blind?’ He hesitantly speaks. I feel a shift of hand moving away from me and then I realize, he was waiting for a handshake.
‘Yes.’ I reply, not hesitant neither insecure about my inability. Why would I be? I could feel and sense okay, even more than something that other people can even notice through eyes. One sensory goes down, other senses come back stronger to fulfill its absence.
‘Oh...I see... I am really sorry.’ He says. A pity arises in his voice. I shake my head, ‘Don’t be.’
Our trio walks and roams around the path for some whiles as she proposes. Hoseok laughs and cuts some jokes. She laughs along and whines as he brings up anything to tease her. Throughout the time, I am silent, almost not talking at all. I feel like a shadow, so left out. A piercing gauzes onto my core, letting the air of emptiness invade,
Is it because I am blind?
Or, is it because of entirely me?
Oh no, what am I thinking?
It’s not like that. She would never leave me back. I laugh at myself.
And speak, ‘Remember, you kept on asking me the other day, we are supposed to visit the Han ri-’
‘Yah, how about we go pay a visit to samcheon Chan’s bakery? We never saw him in years. He must be missing us.’ Hoseok cheerfully states. I stop at my words and look down. The hole engraves wider and shower of rain hails upon it.
I smile.
Not that someone like me deserves her. What do I have to have her for me? To get her as my friend?
At least she’s happy. That’s what all matters.
‘Taehyung, how about you sing a song? This girl here keeps on talking about how well you sing all day. Let me hear you too.’ Hoseok gives a playful nudge. I nod and take my control. This the only thing I have. Just one thing is never enough to prove my worth, but that’s the least I could do. Hoseok by all ways i the perfect guy. He is smart, he is fun. He is the someone who one would like to know about. What do I own?
After all, I am nothing but a blind singer who stumbles to maintain his life.
I finish singing. Like all times, she claps so loud making me smile. Hoseok claps in side and exclaims, ‘Wow! You are so good oh my God! Here, take this.’
He brings something forward. Not even touching, I can tell what it is.
He pities me. I am someone to be pitied.
But why am I hurt? After all, this is what I sing for.
That money is mine. I deserve it.
She mutters, ‘Hobi, wh-’
My jaw clenches and I force up a smile, taking it, ‘Thanks.’
‘I need to get myself a drink. I can go by my own. You guys enjoy.’ I get up and head straight with no destination in my head. I just need to get away from here, from them. The stick in my hand is my partner. Reaching near a tree, I stop my pace and sigh.
The birds chirp on the branches of the tree I am standing under, getting back to their sweet homes of peace. A sweet aroma of food conquers the air. Some vendors around call and invite people to get a piece of their brought food. Ice cream car bells tune like the Pied Piper of Hamelin, to attract the small children. I wait in the feeling of peace, to let it engult me in its vastness.
‘Taehyung-ah, why are you standing there alone? I have been looking for you everywhere.’ Her sweet voice chirp grazing my attention. I shift my head following the direction of the source.
‘It’ll get late if we don’t start now. Let’s go.’ She pulls my hand and starts walking fast. ‘Wai-where?’ I ask, confused.
‘Where? Don’t you remember? We were supposed to visit Han river today?’
‘But y-you’re going somewhere else with Hoseok.’
‘Ahh, that. It can wait. We’ll go some other time. Now, hurry!’ She jumps in joy and jogs. A needle, dipped in a mixture of several emotions spike my core. Bleeding starts, to never end. A bloodstream of joy.
‘By the way, I didn’t tell you. I made a record of your singing and have sent it to a studio.’
‘Huh? When did you?’
‘Some time...’ She clicks her tongue, ‘The answer is yet to come. I can’t wait to receive the response letter. I am sure you will get accepted. Ugh! It’s gonna be so lit!’
I smile at her being loud. She gave me a reason to laugh, a reason where I am valuable, worthy, someone still on stand and existing. From the day I met her, I knew,
The only sun, the only light to my day, it was her...
[][][]
Our meeting never stops.
She comes more often now and stays until late. But something is changed. Her voice sounds low, her meter of laugh has decreased, her talks lack a drop yet noticeable amount of bubbliness. I want to ask her for a reason, but I am afraid. I am afraid of the known distance, if it’s gonna emerge between us I ask her a question, if she’s gonna avoid it. I am scared of our small instincts, if they are gonna separate us from ourselves and take her away from me.
Today she comes, quieter and calmer than usual. She asks me to sing song more than two. I sing and she laughs but I sense a corner lacking scintilla of gold in there. Then she goes quiet. We sit in silence and that’s somehow is not awkward at all. It’s peaceful. As if we are mentally talking to each other. She sits in a distance farer than other days, in her small space. Between the space of quietude, I can see her, feel her. I had created a picture of her in my mind. The image laughs when she does, the image pouts when she does that too. Right now, the image drops a tear from her reddening eyes.
I speak, calmly, ‘Don’t cry.’
Her image stares at me, surprised. The real self tries to speak normally, hiding the cracks, ‘I am not-’
‘Don’t lie. I can see you crying.’
‘But-’
‘I know,’ I say softly, ‘I can’t see. But I can see you through my mind eyes, feel in my brain and it says, you are in pain.’
She gets quiet.
‘Tae, can I-’ There’s a shift on my side and in a second, two hands wrap around my back and pull the owner closer. Her chest clings to mine, going up and down shakily while her quivering lips let out small sobs. I am stiff. Yet I manage to drag my arms around her and hold her close. She lets her tears out until they get dried up. My shirt starts to get soaked. I don’t need her to speak, our souls already do the work for us. Her heart is so near to me, I can feel the beat and discover how similar the range is to mine.
I understood all of it. The way she understood mine.
‘You-’ She puts her finger on my lips and whisper, ‘Let’s be like this for a while.’
I show a smile between her fingers.
Can just three words in a sentence bear the entire amount of love someone holds for the other?
No.
Still it goes.
I love you.
The dark lost to you. My song smiles at you, welcomes you to its mansion.
For you, I am ready to embrace all the changes.
[][][][]
Today is another day.
Yet a special one. Although every day with her is special, this day is something beyond special.
It’s the day when we first met.
Even though I never keep count of time, I kept for this one day. I don’t know if she remembers it, maybe she does. I also remember what she said the earlier day.
‘No matter what happens, we are gonna visit Han river again today. Also, I have a surprise for you.’
‘A surprise? What is it?’
‘A-ah, why would I tell it now? You will get to know once after we meet. Okay?’ She kept her voice mysterious to keep the intrigue. I grinned and nodded.
I smile at the flashback and grip on the small package. I brought this the other day. It isn’t something big, but I worked hard to gather enough money for it. And I know, she is gonna love this,
I sit on the park bench. The weather is cool today. The air is heavy and wet. It is going to be another rainy day, like that day, when she came and permanently illuminated my life. From then, I have always considered rain as my luck. Today is going to be another similar lucky day.
I am no more concerned about the rush in people. I am waiting for that one sound of footsteps, small and excited ones. I am so familiar with it. They’re like a ringtone to my inner self, bringing it up.
I wait.
The sky barks, and I am happy as it does. I greet at it. The air is now fast and breathy, I let it bash against my body and soothe my mind. The time is ticking and the moment is yet to come. She will come, and that has become a goal of my life now.
I wait more.
The rainfall has started. The drops are needly, small in quantity but enough frosty to send a spark down the spine. The air is so aggressive, trying to fly everything away with its might. It feels cold, yet good. I am waiting for her warmth to arrive. She is going to come and yell, ‘Yah Tae-yah, again! How many times have I forbid you? Don’t get wet in rain. You will catch a cold. Come here, fast!’
I love when she scolds. Her face must turn red when she does. The image of her in my head pouts cutely. I laugh and she gets more angry. But eventually, her temper fades so soon and she smiles again.
The rain has started to pour heavily now. The sky is angry, giving out constant howls to make all human bow at it. I hug myself. The small wrapped box is kept underneath my shirt to protect it from getting drenched.
She will come in no time. Let’s wait.
Here she comes.
**
Her P.O.V :-
‘Ahjussi, is it done?’
‘Almost. Just a minute, dear.’
‘Okay!’ I spring around to pass the small span of time. I peek out at the sky. Looks like it’s gonna rain soon. I must hurry. He must be waiting.
‘There you go.’
‘Thank you.’ I bow and run out of the shop. The air is so cool and sparking, I hug the jacket closer to my bod and keep walking fast. Today is a happy day on a special reason.
I touch the two letters kept in my pocket and a smile appears itself on my face. It had arrived a few days ago. I kept it secret until today. It’s going to be shocking for him. I can’t wait to see his face, how he will cry after hearing this. Well, I don’t mean that way. It’ll be happy tears anyway.
It was a letter from the studio.
I didn’t need to read more than one line. I could already tell what it was. I am not surprised. I knew it was gonna happen.
Nothing could stop my tears from falling down.
The studio received the recording I sent and stated in response that they will be glad to work with him and produce further recordings of his vocals. They would like to initate the process soon. They also said that they will be giving a call later for further information on this.
The other letter,
Well, umm... I did something.
He will be mad if he hears this. I can’t tell about it right now. One secret to be exposed, another secret will take its place.
I look at my watch, sighing. I am already so late. I quickly start walking to cross the road. My pocket vibrates, inside, my phone rings. My mind gives a quake of fearful joy. An intuition appears, it must be a call from the studio.
I immediately pick up the phone and shakily respond.
‘Hello.’
‘Moon, it’s me.’
‘Oh, Sana, it’s you...’ My hype goes down, ‘I thought...never mind. What is it?’
‘Where are you now?’
‘I am busy, going somewhere. Wh-’ There’s a loud horn from my side. My reflex brings my head up and my eyes widen.
‘Sana--’
A loud screech screams. With the strong force giving a push, the phone drops from my hand. I fall down with my face meeting the hard pitch road. A blood flow comes down from my nose. Every limb burns in pain, my eyes meet the dark.
I see no more.
There’s a huge clamor of voices speaking and yelling around me. I sense a crowd forming around.
My senses stop.
[][][][][]
The rain is now a shower of bullets. Water till a height has started to clog on the low level of the park path. Grasses are drowning in murky water, on which I sit. I touch my lips, they feel numb, as if not existing.
‘Hey man, are you crazy? A cyclone is coming. Who remains out in this weather? You’re gonna die. Come with me.’
‘No...’ I pull my hand out trembling. Blind man may have nothing. But they have stubbornness.
‘I gotta wait. She will look for me otherwise.’
‘She who?’
‘She...is gonna come...’
‘You’re goddamn crazy.’
I try to save an inch of mine from the hazard of ice-cold knives. My head feels so heavy like a stone is crushed on it. My lids feel heavy. I clutch my chest. The heart too is almost frozen now, captured by sufferings of pain, almost losing its beat.
I curl myself, trying to fight the final darkness before it engulfs me. I am not afraid to meet it. But this willingness to see the light before it does, is my death wish.
A smile on my face.
She...
Will come...
*** ***
THE END
Later scene:-
‘Kim Taehyung, is that you?’
My eyes must have been half open, almost not. But doesn’t make any difference. I could hear his voice traveling faintly till my ears.
‘If you struggle to speak, then you can lift your index to say a yes.’
I do.
‘Great. I have a news for you. You have been lying unconscious for four long days. But fortunately, now your condition is getting better. There was a car accident in the same day you were brought to here. Soo Moon, a girl dies in the accident. Unfortunately, she couldn’t survive. Before dying, she had made an insurance to donate her eyes to you if ever something happens to her. She did a tissue test and yours matched. Your condition must improve more. Get up well soon and we-’
I close the least space my eyes were open for.
I don’t want to open them anymore.′
