What is your opinion?
Pacing issue
"First off, I'm already intrigue by summary though I wish it was worded a bit better. The first paragraphs have a few minor problems particular with words missing. Not to mention the massive info dump on the character's backstory that. A lot of this could be spread out better among multiple chapters allowing the reader to take it in better. I was a bit surprised to see each chapter so short. There nothing wrong at all with having short chapters especially in the format you have in later chapters, But the first chapter is so much more jarring compared to the others. I did enjoy what I read though. I would like to read more when more does come out, What it really boils down to is a pacing issue. You are giving us way too much upfront and with that there little to nothing to keep us tied to our seats. A thriller needs mystery, we don't need to know everything right way. I'm not saying give us nothing, but rather give us just enough at a time to make us want more."
Woohoo!
"I like it a lot! Kind of hard for me to understand but I still love it! You should read this book. And follow he creator. He would be super happy I think if you did! Read read read. His book is amazing!"
Amazing Mystery thriller and a lot to unveil.
"Review of my own story. A great mystery thriller with a lot to unveil"
The secrets of X island
"This is a good book, as a matter of fact the best book I've ever read... so I 100% recommend this for everyone to read"
Interesting story.
"Interesting story. Not my usual genre when it comes to picking stories. But I did really enjoy it. And look forward to what comes next. "
It is good
"I like it, can't wait to read more. Grammar could be better, it was hard to read in some areas."
Intriguing!
"Very interesting start. You build up the suspense nicely. I am curious as to why the jump from 1920 to 2020. I hope you write more to this story. "
Attention Grabber!
"This was definitely a different approach to a mystery, whether that was the intention or not, it was captivating - set like a movie. My worry is that it rushes along to get to the point like a movie. Though, there is nothing wrong with short chapters. I do want to keep reading and think it is a great story."
Mysterious
"I liked the plot… there was definitely an interesting idea commanding the storyline and I would have liked to have seen more of it. This was a swiftly paced story… I would suggest slowing down so that the reader can adhere to the character more. I liked the idea of the card – that drove some suspense into the story. A device you should utilize, as all writers should, is description, it helps readers bond to the story and feel as if it’s happening “to” them, as if they’re “in” the story. Use more vivid imagery. There was the issue of grammar, mainly commas, and some other errors, but you are in the writing phase. A good edit from time to time will do wonders. All in all, this was an interesting and original story – you have a lot of potential. Keep writing! --Brittanny Davis A Silent Game of Spies"
Hooked on the title and description.
"The plot structure of this book is very good. I appreciate it when writers break the rules and enhance their creativity. I do wish that the writing had more detail so that I can begin to have deep feelings for the characters. A writer must have an opinion even if it's opposite to the reader's opinion and I have not seen it here. I'm sure if you edit and expand more on your world, your pacing will be incredible. But hey, I am notorious for doing the same thing. I'm always fast paced because I'm scared the reader will be bored but it's all about the words you use to catch their attention. "
Good work
"Pretty good, could use a little more detail."
Original Story
"It has a very interesting plot that is full of original ideas and characters that I haven’t seen before. I enjoyed the read, and I like fast paced novels. Good luck in the novel contest, and I cannot wait for more. "
Good premises
"The story from the start has a good setup and inviting qualities. Despite some grammer and punctuation problems, it has the means to be a good book when done."
Interesting
"For the most part, I don’t really read this genre but I have to admit, it was definitely interesting. Other than the minor grammar/punctuation mistakes, I think your book would be great! :)"
Good Book
"Overall, I really enjoyed reading your book, but I believe you can improve on many things to make it better. Title and Cover- Many people say, "Never judge a book by its cover," however, everyone always does. How else would a reader pick out which book to read when they have thousands of others to choose from? Yours are good. You have an interesting title and cover and you didn't use a very fancy font, which would make it difficult for the reader to read the words. However, if I were you, I would consider enlarging the words in the corner. They're too small to read, even if I zoom in all the way. Overall, I have to admit that you don't have the best cover that I've ever seen, but that can be fixed easily. On Wattpad, a website similar to Inkitt, there is an entire section dedicated for cover designers who are willing to design a free cover for you. Personally, I don't think Wattpad is very good for writing on, as it has a much larger competition, but it has a lot of good resources. Here's the link to the person who designed my cover: https://www.wattpadwriters.com/t/book-covers-and-character-aesthetics-fast-delivery-open-now/97461 Blurb- The blurb is just as important as the title and cover. I have decided not to read many books just because it doesn't have an interesting blurb. Yours is mysterious and intrigues the reader, but I think you can improve. Personally, I think your blurb should be a teaser. Blurbs should tell the reader what happens in the book without giving away too much, while teasers should intrigue the reader. Again, if you have trouble with your blurb, you can go to Wattpad. Here's the link: https://www.wattpadwriters.com/t/blurb-subtitle-service-2-open/124743 The Chapters- When I read your first chapter, my first thought was, "This should be a prologue." And that's exactly what it should be. All you have to do is rename the chapter to "Prologue" or something similar to that. For the second chapter, I think it's unnecessary to include it in your book. Without it, your story would have a mysterious feel to it, especially when Ethan turns on the news. I also think you should make Ethan listen to the entire story the reporter gives. Make the police sound clueless about who's doing it and whether the victims are still alive. Moving on, your pacing is quite fast. When I first started writing, my pacing was extremely fast too (and it still is). I found that one way to make it slower is to describe everything more. What does Ethan look like? What does his surroundings look like? Answer those questions and you'll find that your pacing will improve a lot. Another way to make your pacing slower is to show the reader, not tell. I am working on that too, so unfortunately, I don't have a lot of pointers on to to accomplice that. Last but not least, your grammar and punctuation. There are a few mistakes, mostly on missing commas. I have found many places where there needs to be a comma, but there isn't. Improving your grammar would increase your ratings a lot. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and believe that it has great potential. Don't take everything I say to heart though; I'm not a professional writer and these are my opinions. Show your work to more people, whether they are on Inkitt or just your family, and ask for their thoughts on it. Keep up the good work! -Author of The Tale of the King"
Broken English Abound
"Okay. Firstly, the summary is quite pretentious. A 'perfect' mystery thriller. Never claim that any of your works are 'perfect' or 'the best' or anything in that vein. Secondly, your grasp of the english language is not developed enough for you to be writing a story in it. I assume you're writing here to train and improve yourself, which are both very admirable of that is the case. Unfortunately, as said, your current level is abysmal. You have issues with your definite and indefinite articles, specifically 'the'. I noticed you rarely ever used it in your dialogue. There are a plethora of sentence fragments, and you also employ redundancies a lot. I can't just give one or two examples because your chapters are rife with them. I also noticed you using the contraction 'it's' when you meant to use the possessive 'its'. There were also cases of strange punctuation, such as em dashes sitting in the middle of dialogue. There's also the problem of you literally rushing through the plot. You don't detail anything nor give the reader time to breathe through the lines. It's just scene after scene after scene. I can tell that you're just trying to get to what you think are the 'best bits' of your story, but that's not the way you write a book. Rushing through doesn't give it substance, and apart from your summary, I still don't know what the story is about. I just know that there's some college kid who is interested in his dad. Okay. And? What sets the interior of plot apart from others? The first chapter was also confusing. It doesn't seem very useful or important to what we have so far, and this is supposed to be four chapters long so far You have a basic understanding of character detailing, though, which is a good start. If you can streamline their physical details and even introduce them through their actions and/or character interactions, that would be even better. You also have the basic skeleton of a plot, but you need more work in your english and more patience with your story-telling. Try and see what (good) authors do to detail things. Don't hesitate to connect two or three sentences for detail. Lastly, on a more personal note; another 'X' story? You can do far better than that for the name."
Story Swap Review
"Here are some notes I made while reading: -A few awkward phrasings here and there -Switch between past tense and present tense at some parts (more written in past, so I suggest sticking to past) -Missing a few words in a couple of sentences -All numbers below ten should be spelled out, and not have the numerical symbol, so “8” should be “eight”, and “9th” should be “ninth” -Plural of “person” is “people” -Seems to be missing a few descriptors of setting and objects -Unclear villain motive, and the motives of other characters are unclear -Too much repetition of some words in certain sentences. -Punctuation goes inside quotation marks, especially with dialogue -“Muscleman” is not a word -People in New York do not use the word “lad” to refer to people, making the dialogue awkward -Apostrophes do not have to be around a character’s name when introducing them -A few commas are in some unnecessary places, putting breaks in the sentence where there shouldn’t be one -Since Ethan uses he/him pronouns, then it should be written as “his mother” instead of “her mother” seeing as the ownership in the phrase belongs to the masculine character, Ethan -Commas go before dialogue if it is in the middle of a sentence. -Ellipses are only three dots. Example: … -When a different character is speaking than the one following the previous dialogue a new paragraph has to be started -Some of the dialogue and phrasing doesn’t seem to make sense -“Coffee house” might work better changed to “café” -Em dashes seem to be in places that are unnecessary -Show rather than tell, too many adverbs I see promise for more emotional reactions from Ethan, and for there to be a depth to the father-son part of the story. I think you have an opportunity to make the readers get attached to Ethan so that we’ll be more intrigued with the story. Perhaps develop him more, or if he is already developed, show us who he is (without info-dumping or always directly telling us): his likes, dislikes, interests, what he cares about, what he stands for, how he makes his decisions, who he trusts, what part of his life he likes and what part he may not… I think this idea could go a long way, but needs some work."
