*1*
**Matt Lanter as Shane**
disclaimer: this boo
*Shane's POV*
"You're an idiot, do you know that?"
He shrugged, gazing at me with his mesmerizing hazel eyes. "I've been told."
"And this is all your fault, you know that, too, right?" I rolled over on his bed, onto my stomach, so that I could get a better look at him.
He rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. "It seemed different in my head. You know, I didn't actually think you guys would last a month much less a year. And stop complaining. At least you have a piece of ass - I got nothin'!"
I face palmed then dragged my hand over my face lazily. "Jace..." I couldn't even place my words. "I warned you. I warned you."
He flung his arms up in his defense. "I was just trying to make him forget that girl of his, plus his life was practically on the line here."
I gave him a droll look. "His life was on the line?" I repeated for clarification.
"Well... yeah, he could've hyperventilated himself to death without you, right?"
"Jace."
"Yes, Shane?" he pouted, knowing what I was about to say.
"You're an idiot... do you know that?"
"Yeah."
"Good." I got into a sitting position to be level with him. I had driven out to Louisburg to visit him like I did every weekend. There were two more days until school started again, and we'd be seniors.
"So, did you change friends?" I asked. It seemed that every week I came here, Jace had new friends because he hated everyone at his new school. The pro was that majority of his school was accepting of the LGBT community, and he was currently on the football team there.
"Nope." He flashed a proud smile. "I've finally got my ideal friends. Zeke, Torrence, and Xenia. What about you? How's that Darren kid coming along?"
I chuckled, remembering I was yet to spill the news. "Oh, god."
Jace grinned. "What? Tell me!" he shook my arm.
"He's dating Tyler."
Jace's eyes widened. "Tyler Mackey, Tyler? Like, your ex, Tyler?"
I rubbed my eyes with a nod. "I have to hear them fucking, Jace, and it's... it gets wild with those two."
Jace held up a finger, standing up with a grimace. "Excuse me while I go erase that image from my brain." He walked over to his restroom.
"What brain?" I called out as he shut the door. His laughter trailed out and I smiled. "I swear to god, Jace, if you're wanking in there again-"
"It was one time, let it go, Shane!"
I stood up, crossing the room. "I'll be downstairs!"
"'Kay!"
I opened his room door and jogged down the stairs, reaching the bottom. I saw Jace's sister, Gwen, making herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"Hey, Gwen." I sat on the stool, facing her.
"Oh, hey, I didn't know you were here. I'm glad you are because Jace won't shut up about you."
I bit on my lower lip. "Yeah, I know. He regrets..."
She raised her eyebrows and lowered her chin to stare right into my gray eyes. Her dark hair fell onto her face. "Oh, you mean he regrets giving you up?" she burst out laughing. "See, that's why Jace is a difficult case. Trust me, I'm his sister, and I don't even understand how his mind works." She sighed, an amused smile still on her face. "That's what he gets. I wish you guys were still together, but for my own benefit of course." She grabbed a second piece of bread, swept her spoon over the peanut butter, and started decking it onto the bread.
"What do you mean, for your own benefit?" I asked.
"Uh, hello? I may be emo, but I'm still a major fan girl. Anyway. Want some peanut butter?"
"No, thanks."
"You sure?" she held up the jar and ran her fingers across the label. "It's got extra nuts." She added a wink.
"I heard nuts!" Jace's voice rang out as he jumped off the last stair, approaching us. "Which is why I'm here." His eyes landed on the jar of peanut butter. "Yes, my favorite kind." He picked up the sandwich Gwen made and bit into it. "God, I love you, sis."
"That was mine!"
I watched as the two went back and forth, arguing over the sandwich.
I couldn't help it. I missed Jace. With everything I had, I missed him. But I had to respect the boy I was dating, Nolan. I knew what it felt like to be cheated on; to have your heart ripped out of your chest because someone didn't reciprocate your love. I didn't want to do that to him.
But Jace had insisted we date, and because I loved him, I followed through. Nolan was an amazing human being. Honestly, we needed more people like him on this planet for the world to be a better place. He had found his way into my heart, not to lie, but Jace made me feel whole. Jace couldn't be compared to. What's sad was, Nolan knew this, yet he loved me unconditionally. He knew that when it came to Jace, he had to take the back seat, and that tugged at my heart.
When we both had come to visit Jace about two weeks ago, he basically turned himself invisible despite the fact we were boyfriends. I doubt he'd throw a fit if I ever kissed Jace in front of him. He'd accept it and still love me at the end of the day. And he never stopped radiating at the thought that I was near his side.
I mentally groaned and rubbed my forehead. Dammit, Jace, you're such an idiot. I understood that he was trying to 'repair' Nolan for lack of a better word, but all this was doing was breaking him, whether he could see it or not. Even though Nolan had less panic attacks, more sleep, and an overall sense of happiness, there was still damage being done. I was afraid that if I didn't let him go now, things would get awry.
But I didn't want to let him go.
I looked up. "Jace," I called.
He gazed at me with wide brown eyes, his sandwich stuck in his mouth as he waited for me to speak.
"You're an idiot, you know that right?" I said for the umpteenth time today.
He just nodded. "I get it now." He said when he took the sandwich out of his mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry for putting your life through shit."
"You're not putting my life through shit as much as Nolan's life, but you sure as hell complicated it. As for my heart? Yeah. You put that through shit."
Gwen giggled. "Don't feel bad, Jace, he still loves you."
Jace's eyes met mine and he looked hopeful, wanting me to say the words and reassure him.
I shook my head. "You know that, Jace. I haven't stopped loving you, you know that."
He looked down. "I don't know why, I mean... I wanted to help Nolan but..."
I grabbed his hand. "You were just looking out for him. You didn't want him to keep thinking about Dawn and you wanted him to move on; to be with the person he loved." I shrugged. "He knows I love you. He knows we've been through too much to just let each other go."
Jace's hand tightened in mine. "Yeah, but what do we do? This is all my fault and I wanna fix things without hurting him."
"It's going to hurt him no matter what you do. Tell me you want to be with me and I'll figure it out."
He sucked in a breath, staring deep into my eyes.
"Say it, dumbass," Gwen pitched in. Jace's eyebrows pulled together, showing me he was troubled. I didn't dare remind him that I warned him this would happen, because I was pretty sure he'd been beating himself up over this longer than even I knew.
He pulled his hand out of my grip. "You should go, Shane," he whispered, turning and going up the stairs. I just stared after him in complete shock, the slam of his door jerking me out of my stupor.
"I know he did not just..." Gwen said, arms akimbo.
I sighed, getting off the stool. "He just needs space."
"Space? In other words, time?" Gwen shook her head. "He's had a year, Shane. I think that's more than enough."
"He's just looking out for Nolan," I defended. She bit her lip, probably not wanting to say anything that could offend Nolan even though he wasn't even here. She knew him, and she remembered clearly that he helped her and Jace when their mother had abused them. It was safe to say that Nolan was kind-hearted and gentle, and the mere thought of hurting him could make anyone drown in guilt. "I have to go. He's probably waiting for me and I really don't want him to have another attack." I checked the time.
"You sure you don't want any nuts? I meant - peanut butter?" Gwen held up the closed jar again. I smirked.
"No, Gwen. I'm out."
"See you next week! You better eat this peanut butter or else I'm shoving these nuts down your throat." I glanced back at her.
"Bet you'd like to see that happen."
The last thing I heard as I stepped out the house was her evil laughter. I smiled to myself. The girl was the little sister I never had, even if she was 16 years old.
***
I rang the doorbell to the Reeds' household, and a couple minutes later, bright blue eyes appeared when the door opened, followed by a soft smile.
"You're early." Nolan let me in then closed the door behind me.
"Yeah, I think Jace wanted to be alone for a bit."
"Why?" he asked. Realizing something, he shook his head. "No, never mind, don't answer that."
There it was. Him stepping out of the way, leaving my business with Jace out of his knowledge. He never pried. Maybe because he didn't want to find something out and get hurt.
"Come," I gently said, pulling him closer. I held him steady by the hips and kissed him. "How was your day?"
"Mm, good."
"No panicking?"
He smiled and shook his head. "No panicking."
"That's great. See, I told you you'd be fine. All you had to do is find something you enjoy to pass time, and I'd be back before you knew it. So, what'd you do while I was gone?"
"Well..." he held onto me tighter. "I tried to draw. Didn't work out. I'm not the best artist. Then I listened to music, watched some TV-"
"What did you watch?" I squinted.
"Not Queer as Folk this time, alright?"
I laughed. "What else?"
"Then I cooked for you. Or, us."
My eyebrows flew up, though that wasn't a surprise. Of course, having Nolan cook was amazing. Free food was always a plus, how much more good free food?
"I don't think Jace fed you over there, did he?" Nolan asked with a smile.
"Does he ever?" I let him go and walked over to his kitchen, making myself at home.
He led me into the little dining room where he had set up the food and made to pull out the chair for me.
"You're the best." I planted a peck on his cheek, which instantly turned a reddish color. With a chuckle, I sat down and he grunted.
"I can't push you in, you're big," he remarked, rounding the table to sit down as well. I gave him a bewildered look and it took him a moment to catch what he had said. With wide blue eyes, he reworded his sentence. "Oh, god, no - I meant, your chair. You're too heavy." He focused his gaze on his hands which were on his lap as I laughed. "Sorry," I heard his quiet whisper.
"Sweetheart, it's totally fine." I continued laughing. "You're way too hilarious." I held my stomach and sucked in a breath, recovering from my laughter. "The food looks great. Casserole?"
Nolan perked up, getting over his embarrassment rather quickly. "Not just any casserole, Shane."
I threw up my hands in surrender. "I know, I know. How dare I mock your divine recipe? So, what's this one called?"
He had a proud smile on his face, and it was nice to see him so happy. "It's roast chicken enchilada Suizas stacked casserole."
I gave him a blank stare. "English, please?"
He rolled his eyes playfully. "I saw the recipe online and I thought I'd try it."
"And you magically had all the ingredients?" I smirked as I dug in.
"Yes, Shane. I magically had all the ingredients. I didn't have to use all of them, though because I added some... extra flavors."
"Something white and creamy? That seems to always be the best spice."
He blushed, stabbing his fork into his food. "I'll... keep that in mind then."
I chuckled and savored the taste of his masterpiece. "Talented hands you got there," I complimented.
He groaned and looked at me, his blue eyes piercing my gray ones. "Why does everything you say have double meanings?"
"I never said I was innocent, Nolan."
He blinked at me. "See, that has a double meaning too." He crossed his arms and tilted his chin up, about to strike up a challenge.
I let a smirk slip onto my lips. "And what would that be? That I have two holes that aren't virgins?" I raised an eyebrow.
His mouth fell open and he scooped up his plate. "Shame on you, Cooper. I'm eating."
"Says the boy who made a sexual reference out of pushing in a chair!" I accused, laughing my heart out as he made his way out of the dining room. I smiled as I watched him disappear behind the wall and into his living room. I knew he wasn't any Jace.
But he was Nolan, and that in itself was always good enough.
*****
Just to get you pumped up.
Which may or may not be a bad thing because I can't promise when the next update will be, but I had fun writing this first chapter.
That being said, shit looks great! Life's fantastic!
;*
