Introduction
I’ve never been the crazy jealous type. When we meet I had trust issues and insecurities thanks to bad relationships in the past. I had pet names, intimacy, I love you’s and even a ring mean nothing, or be wrong. Before him, I didn’t even know what love could be. The truest loves I’d known were my love for my family and my love for the Theater. When I meet Carl it felt like a dream or a fairy tale. Either way, I was so scared that it would end, that he’d find someone else and leave me. Especially when the crazy spark died down and we started to get comfortable together. I’d never been allowed to get comfortable in a relationship before. Me exes had left when that happened.
Carl was so sweet and understanding. He never got tired of having to reassure me. Let me confess my past to him and didn’t run. A few times I’d gotten so scared that I almost ran. Every time Carl followed me and let me come back on my own.
My trust issues were better now thanks to him. So were my insecurities about the engagement. My depression and anxiety on the other hand could and did still flair up. When it got really bad I even started thinking that Carl could be happy with someone else. That he wouldn’t even really notice if I was gone.
His gamer tendencies didn’t help at times like that. Carl could get so lost in a game that he’d sit in front of the TV playing for hours. Not a care in the world. He was so carefree. Something I loved about him because it kept me grounded when my anxiety hit. But when I was the one with the ambition and working toward a dream it was hard. He didn’t seem to have any real dream or ambition. Seemed content to just play video games during all his free time.
I never stopped Carl from talking to other girls. Even Rachel. Patty and Jenna. Old exes that he was still friends with. Trusted him enough to believe he wouldn’t cheat on me. I should have worried about them though; Especially Jenna.
