Perception

I stood in my open doorway, watching as the sun went down and began to cast shadows over the near empty streets. I didn’t get this brave that often and I have to seize this moment. I was going out there.

“The world is not full of chaos.” I whisper out loud to my myself.

Keep lying to yourself the voice inside my head answers back, but I ignore it. I’ve made it off of my front porch now. This is the first time in months that I’ve made it this far and I already start to feel a boost of confidence. The voice in my head tries to counter that feeling. It forces me to notice that the sidewalk has way more cracks in it now than it did last time.

What if the ground opened up right underneath my feet and sent me spiraling down into an endless dark abyss? It’s in the news all the time. All over the world random holes just open up out of nowhere and swallow everything. I shake my head back and forth as fast as I can to send that thought away. Not today, I have to keep going.

I pick up my pace and start speed walking to stop from turning back. I made the destination easy. The drug store at the corner of the next block. I tell myself that if I time this right I can even make it back home before its completely dark and the prowlers come out. Those creatures with the bloodshot eyes and leather skin. They surround you and tell you how hungry they are while revealing their jagged teeth. If you don’t escape them they most likely will devour you with ease.

There are other ones too. Portly ones in oversized coats. They sit under the lights of neon signs at adult stores. With sweat glistening on their skin. They wont approach you, but if you get close to them you can feel them giving you unsettling looks and you’ll hear their heavy breathing. Somehow I find them more disturbing.

I shift my focus to the street lights coming on. I still believe I can make it.

I hope the other ones like me, the ones they call “shut ins" are noting my bravery right now as they peer out of their blinds. I hope they are cheering me on and I am giving them hope. The hope that we can all face the dangers that wait for us every day. I smile at the thought and the sight of the crosswalk. Which is my last obstacle to get past before I reach my goal.

The red hand on the sign tells me I have to wait to cross the street. I notice the clouds in the sky look like giant angry faces looming over the world. What if they are some sort of living hostile beings that can control the weather? Are they just waiting for the right moment to just wipe us all out at once? This actually makes the dread creep back in, but luckily I’m saved by the green light telling me that it’s ok to cross the street now.

I break into a slight jog, and before I know it, I walk through the door of the drug store. The bright lights welcome me like it’s the entrance to heaven. My confidence reaches its peak now. It makes me feel silly for the way I am. Everything I’ve ever been scared of is all in my head. I am going to make it a point to do this once a week. Then I will venture even further out. Until I can go wherever I want. It’s a small victory, but it still feels like I’m a new person.

I have my head held high as I grab my gallon of water. Which was the reason I came here in the first place. I also grab some celebratory junk food. I’m even going to make it back before it’s totally dark outside! The clerk at the register looks at me over the top of his magazine. He gives me a half smile and a “good evening.”

I smile to the point to where I’m sure I’m going to weird him out, but I don’t care. This may even be the time to practice small talk with strangers. I return his good evening and follow it up with a corny joke that escapes my mouth before I can do anything to stop it.

“Hey, do you guys give away dead batteries? I hear they’re free of charge.”

I was sure that I had ruined any social interaction with this guy for life. Then , to my surprise, he started laughing. So then it felt ok for me to laugh too. This whole scenario had been a success.

Until I realized that the clerk was no longer laughing. In fact, he was frozen in place. Everything was frozen, like time had just stopped. The lights of the drug store got more and more bright until that’s all I could see was white light. Not like the heavenly light that greeted me when I walked into the store. I had to use my hand to shield my face from it.

This was harsh, blinding light. Then I heard voices but saw no faces.

“He made it further than we though this time.” A women’s voice said.

“This was quite an improvement” a mans voice replied to her. “Make a note of this, I think we're ready for the next phase.”

“Got it. Resetting the simulation and uploading phase two” Said the woman.

Then the bright light faded into a scene. The scene was the same view as when I started my night. I was looking out my open door and preparing to go out into the world. The world was pitch black and there were no street lights. Voices whispered and taunted me. Daring me to come outside. I did not feel brave this time , I didn’t know what was out there.

“The world is full of chaos” I whispered out loud before retreating back into my house and shutting the door on the hellish landscape that was the outside world.