The boy who could do nothing
Walking out the parking Garage after graduation was tough, it was all over..the friends I loved were going. And I knew I wasn’t going to do anything with my life. Stepping outside to breath the cold air of a new boring life I didn’t want anymore.
I had only one plan and that was to live to 25. I figured from it was enough time to grow and love and be a little happy.
25.
“Tony! Bro!” Paco.. I’ve known him since jr high. Took everything head on with no hesitation. Sucks he couldn’t finish school with us. He had to move schools and because of that he really didn’t want to graduate.
“Hey pac, I did it man.. who woulda thought huh?” I looked down because I couldn’t handle looking into someone’s eyes after the negative thoughts I gathered walking out.
“Bro I knew you were gonna make it brother, you’re too smart” I looked up and I could see the pain and suffering in his eyes. All I could do was cry. I couldn’t hold it back.
“I’m so proud of you Tony you went through a lot bro and you made it”
“Yeah I gotta look for my family, I’ll see you later maybe, yeah?”
I knew I was going to end my night with the closest friends. Robert who was a crazy good gamer, cjay was we considered the ladies man, and Luis a guy so respectful it was hard to even joke about him and Calvin we called him Blake Griffin he was hilarious and always determined to better himself no matter what.
“Maybe I’m not sure if my family is gonna want to hangout” I knew it was a lie, but robert didn’t want a lot of people at his house. Really just the original gang.
“Dad, I’m so proud of you!” I knew the voice all too well. My mother who I love but I also deep down hated because of the spot she left my father in. She is a strong woman. But I never wanted to date any girl who seems like my mom.
“Mom I really did it.. I’m sorry.. for being so bad over the years” I cried like a baby and hugged her tight any feelings I had I always got too emotional about. I don’t know what it is personally but being sad always got the best of me.
I looked around seen my family; my aunts and uncles, cousins and of course my brothers.
Andy: Smart, Athletic, strategic, always doing his best to make it on top.
Aaron: the wanna be gangster smokes weed almost every day but like Andy he also wants to be on top and had these crazy ambitions.
Austin the baby brother: there isn’t much to say other than a cry baby and spoiled and oddly really good at video games.
I explained to my family how I was going to Roberts to celebrate the night with my friends.
The one person I seen last was my father, who I adored more than anything in my life. This man has stories crazy stories and what’s crazy is every single one was true.
I admire my father even though he got the short end of the stick through everything he kept it together.
Driving over to Roberts house all I could think about was what was I going to do with myself. I guess I’d find a job and work and work myself up a ladder. But then I see my friends with plans. Every single one of them. Even if it sounds dumb and not likely to happen, they still pushed to do it. But me, really didn’t know what to do anymore. Sucks too because I had met a girl never got to she her in person. But she was awesome. But who am I kidding I’m pretty pathetic.
Pulling up to Roberts house I just thought about drinking the depression I had away once again and keep things to myself.
“Tonnnayyyyyy! Bro we don’t have to do shit anymore!” Robert screams all that in my face and squeezes me tight I could barely hold my breath.
“Yeah man, it’s all over with haha, no more waking up and listening to those ass holes anymore” in my head I was just itching for either a blunt or a beer or even a shot of whiskey.
“Where is lu and cjay and Calvin?”
“They are inside playing games being gay”
“BRO WHAT THE FUCK IS UP”
“YEAH BITCH WE MEN MEN NOW”
Luis and Cjay bust through the screen door.
“HEY! Don’t you fuckers brake my door. Dad set up your tables so you guys can play beer pong.”
Roberts mom who viewed all of us as her own kids. Now one thing I should mention is that Calvin Robert and Cjay have been friends since Elementary school and even before that I think. I had linked up with them at Hogg Middle School. I was a transfer student from a private school. And going to Hogg middle school was probably the worst/best thing that ever happened to me.
I had never knew a girl could get pregnant in middle school or how fights happen until I went there.
We celebrated all night long drinking whatever we had. Talking about the plans we can do and where we can go. All night I could only think about this girl.. growing up I always wanted a girl who could teach me different things and be completely different from me and my family. And the one time I actually talk to one like that it was online and I’d never see her again. I still remember the first thing I sent her. “Hey I know you don’t know me but I think you’re really cute”
I was ridiculously corny. But I took a shot. It’s almost like she was my girlfriend for the summer but not really. I asked her out but she basically denied me. I was really torn up about it. But as I look around and see my friends I was proud for only a moment about where in was at that given time.
Days went on and all I ever did was work out and play basketball EVERY SINGLE DAY. never got a job. Applied at University of Houston Downtown but I didn’t even show up to the Orientation. I had decided to stay at Cjays that next summer so did Luis. We were basically roommates for like a year. It was awesome waking up going to the park and smoking and jogging back to Reagan to work out. It was “Legit”. But each day I spent at Cjays all I could think about is what am I going to do with myself... and this is when depression REALLY started to kick my ass.
“Bro what do y’all wanna do? I’m trying to get weird” Luis tells me and Cjay. The get weird part you might find kinda creepy but we basically binged the entire show Workaholics. So every thing we said was just related to that show.
“Shut yo big head ass up, aint nobody tryin to get weird with you” Cjay laughs and tells Luis knowing we weren’t going to do shit.
“I’m gonna go work out at Reagan and probably play basketball in the gym” I told them, idk what it was but I couldn’t leave my school. Kinda lame I know but I felt like a piece of me was there, something just drawing me back.
On this day i had these really bad thoughts on how I wanted to just really not come back to anything at all. Basically just give up because I knew I wasn’t going to do anything. I started contemplating killing myself and just spending the day alone and visiting old spots I used to smoke at or skip class at. I got there a little too early and school wasn’t out. So I sat in the hallway where the stairs are to go to the dance room and health class.
And sitting there that’s when it just happened. The thought I had just disappeared. Faded away. Almost like nothing mattered all because one person I seen walking. Down the stairs.
She had a khaki skirt. And a long sleeve that said Reagan on it. Mesh back pack and brownish black hair I watched her from up top all the way down and walk all the way down the hallway at this moment I knew deep down I knew she was the girl I wanted to marry at all costs I need to contact her.
“Stare any longer boy you gonna look stupid” Nevan the Gay guy who was really cool. And I remember one thing he told me in high school when I was dating a girl who just left me. “You gotta look at things like this, she was a tree branch tony. And you don’t want that because branches fall off. What you want is the roots and the trunk. When you find that you’ll know”
And I could feel the tingle throughout my body shock me all over. I couldn’t move, I was completely shocked.. all I could think was.. am I wrong? Could that really be her..?
I got my shit and said fuck working out and basketball I need a computer phone laptop i don’t care. I remember running fast and losing my breathe running and running to Cjays house. I busted the door open
“Hi Grandma Angie I’ll be upstairs”
“Okay honey, the boys are up there I thought you were here already but you left out kinda early”
Cjays Grandma who was the sweetest woman I had ever met in my life only lady who was this sweet was my own grandmother. Who is a saint.
“BRO I NEED THE IPAD PLEASE, PLEASE LUIS I NEED IT” I was nervous and couldn’t hold it back.
“Bro I just got on it..”
“Luis if you don’t give me that fuckin IPad I swear..”
“Alright damn bitch here you hoe ass”
I must have misspelled my name like 4 times and I got so aggravated. And finally I got the shit right. I clicked on messages and scrolled down. And there she was. Aimee Juniper Penaflor. The girl who I thought I was never going to see! When I tell you I was excited I was fucking wild..
“DUDE OH MY FUCKING GOD”
I laid on my bed in my small sector. We had sections on Cjays room it was like the attic in his grandmas house Cjay had this couch and Luis has this small bed to the right of him and right behind the couch I had my bed.
“ITS REALLY FUCKING HER I KNOW IT”
“Bro what are you talking about?”
Luis was starting to get annoyed and Cjay was dead asleep.
“Bro shut the fuck up yo I’m tired as fuck”
“My bad I just I seen this girl that I used to talk to all the time. I really thought I’d never see her”
I was red and in the moment I was happy and excited.
I clicked on the message box and sent “DUDE I SEEN YOU”
And I waited..
And waited..
“Bro can I use the iPad? I just want to watch videos on WorldStar”
“Lu I’m sorry bro i really need this”
“Did you see her or something?”
“YES! well at least I think I did but I’m pretty sure.. I mean I could be wrong but I could never forget her face.”
“Well let me watch some videos and if she messages you I’ll let you know” Luis was really a pain in the ass back then but it was fair.
“Alright but please lu”
“Yeah I know damn bitch all in love and shit”
There was no denying it.. I smiled so hard it was ridiculous.. I felt like a kid again. She was like a best friend who I really liked.. but I knew I didn’t have a chance.
“Here she messaged”
“Okay thanks”
I look down and I see the green dot showing she is online and a bubble of her face with the number one next to it.
I open it and there it is..
Aimee juniper Penaflor.. I catch feelings very fast, but there was something definitely different about her.
Staying up all those nights with her. having pointless conversations. I wanted that again.
Aimee: where.
Me: your school I went to work out and to see a old teacher.
Aimee: which teacher???? When was this?
Me: Monday Mr. Johnson
Aimee: u couldn’t say hi 😛
Me: Well I was but I wasn’t sure if it was you or not. So I didn’t want to look dumb.
Aimee: WOW. Lol
Me: Man lol I was gonna say aimee out loud and see if you would turn around but then I was like, nah that’s not her. You were wearing like a gray sweater.
Aimee: Was I wearing a Skirt?
Me: Yupp you sure was, you have your last class by the gym.
Aimee: nooo lol that day I just skipped lol yeah that was me then.
Being so excited to finally talk to her again.. it felt wonderful like a piece of me was glued back into my body. I really liked her. And I had said I’d go visit her at her old school. But I never did like an idiot.
A few days went past and we arranged to see each other. But three times in a row I missed her. But I was still determined to see her. I want to see Aimee in person. I wanted to see and hear the girl who kept me up late and had silly conversations.
Aimee kinda felt like she just wasn’t going to see me at one point until she told me that she is sometimes in the front and her moms Ex picks her up around 5.
So I tried again. To see her, I ran as fast as I could to Reagan. I was really nervous every time I went to try and see her. Because first impressions mean everything.
I jogged half way there and really jumping and telling myself.
“You’re smart and handsome. Although you don’t know what you want to do, you’ll figure it out.”
But then I started overthinking things..
Is really me being handsome all I had?
I mean to me I didn’t even think I was all that handsome. I would just get told I was. But I always felt like people called me that because I was kind to them.
Didn’t matter, I know she will like me. I kept looking at my phone to see the time.
Finally I got to the football field. And I ran to the doors and knocked so someone could open them.
Why did I come this way if she said she hangs out in the front? It was obvious. I was scared.
I ran into Sarah, who was a really good friend of mine she talked about why she was there and asked why I was there.
I explained to her how I felt nervous.. and she said not worry about it. You’re a good looking guy.
I walked with a fast pace and went outside and there she was sitting with her friend Mike.
I walked up to her and all I could think about was what should I do?
I slowly lifted up my hand and did something she would forever remember.. what a jack ass I swear..
I gave her the middle finger..
I really didn’t know how to act with her in person so I really stayed quiet..
I really couldn’t hold back how I felt. So I gave her a hug. And for some reason I could being this difficult person that I am I squeezed Aimee’s face in my chest. Nearly broke her glasses.
We said bye to each other and I jogged back to Cjays. And we talked online again.
Aimee: u were mean to me 🙁
I don’t know why but in person I was rude, and online I was a completely different guy to her. I said literally everything she wanted to hear. But I just couldn’t do it in person. I felt I guess too embarrassed about it.
Me: Was I? I’m sorry :/
Aimee: it’s ok u seemed really tired.
Me: I felt like I walked to the end of the world and back mayne.
Aimee: hitchhike next time lol
Me: Dude on some real levels you’re short lol
Aimee: oh really? I never noticed.
Why would I say that? Moron..
Me: lol but you’re really cute(:
Aimee: I felt really ugly next to u. Lol
Me: what? Why? Lol
Yeah we used the “lol” really excessively but who cares we were young.
Aimee: cause ur really attractive. Lol
Me: I’m not attractive aimee -.-
Aimee: the hell u are! Lol
We kept talking every day from that point on. And I’d go to see aimee after school. It was awesome but I left Cjays to stay at my aunts house. So my aunt lived no where near Reagan so I couldn’t see her anymore.
Aimee: Escape your aunts house!
Me: I really want too. I want to see you again.
I finally went to my dads house. And all I could think about was running to Reagan to hang out with her even if it was for a few minutes. I just felt so worth it.
Me: My dad lived in a neighborhood with cholos called Cottage Grove. Lol
Aimee: I live in Cottage grove...
Me: on god... what street....
Aimee: Petty street.
we talked about a store that was closed down closer to her. But I assumed it was the corner store a block away from my grandmothers.
Me: Oh my Grandmother lives on the side where the fire station is at. On Darling st.
Aimee: oh no I live on the other side. Where the fire station faces. Yeah there is a store over here but I never went to it.
Me: I don’t believe you lol I’ve stayed here in cottage grove my whole life. I go to the park and play basket ball all the time and I’ve never seen you.
Aimee: well damn lol I don’t go all the time. But I do live here believe it or not 😛. I went to the elementary school that used to be here.
Me: Stevenson Elementary school??
Aimee: yes sir lol
She lived in the same neighborhood as me not only that but later on we found out we lived in the same apartments once.. I just felt like I might have crossed paths with aimee some time.. and I didn’t even know it.
We literally talked all night.. I wanted to be with her so bad. She was funny but also a sad person. My initial thoughts were to help aimee get out of that. I didn’t like it. And I know I annoyed her when I said. I’ll make you happy.
Time went on into the year of 2013.
I ended up going to see aimee at her house. A little awkward how things went that day. But I made a bet with her that I’d kiss her. In November I started to go see aimee more often.
Aimee: it’s the house with the red roof, you can’t miss it babe.
Honestly we started talking like we were together and we had only seen each other a few times.. I didn’t care.. I loved it.
Me: I think I walked passed it.
Aimee: my grandma is sweeping outside. Wait tho my moms annoying ex boyfriend is here.
Me: okay.
Why is this guy there.. I just wanted to see aimee so bad. I couldn’t help it she was so cute and adorable I wanted to be closer to her.
Aimee: ok he left. Where are u?
Me: can you walk into the street I don’t know where I’m at...
Aimee: I guess -.-
And there she was.. she had this smile that said “don’t look at me” she was so pretty.
“You can come inside if you want?”
Instead what do I do? I sit on the steps like an idiot.
So she sat with me and we talked.
Next thing I knew a small black car pulled into the drive way.
“It’s my mother”
I had only met aimee a few times and already I get to meet her mom? Even though we weren’t officially together I knew I just had to give a good impression of myself..
“What are you doing china?”
China? Why did she call her that.
“I invited him in but he just sat here instead.. so I sat with him.”
“Hi nice to meet you I’m Monica Aimee’s mother”
She has this very soft voice but looked like a strong independent woman. She was so pretty and had bangs that went into her eyes.
“Hi nice to meet you I’m Tony.”
“Come inside there is mosquitoes out here”
Every second I was slapping my arms and trying to catch one it was so annoying but I also was going it to not talk.. I felt the more I spoke the worse things got.
“There isn’t any mosquitoes but okay..”
“Yeah there is I’m getting bites all over”
I got up and followed them inside.. I was pretty nervous but once I stepped in. It seemed so different. Everything was so clean and neat. They had a huge dinning room table to the left right when you walk in with a china cabinet with fine china in it. And a picture of Aimee’s grandpa on the wall to the left inside the room and a big picture of the Virgin Mary.
I walked inside and aimee told me to sit on the couch. She sat next to me and it was really awkward.. mainly because of me.. I just sat there most of the time.
Her mom came into the living room and asked aimee where her grandmother was at. And how she was going to the store.
Aimee’s grandma is a very Jesus loving person and I low key loved it. She would spend a lot of time either across the street or with the neighbor who has autism his name was antonio and he would pray with her almost every day.
“Sooo what’s up”
I immediately went in and kissed aimee.
Way too fast? Well I had too I mean I had a bet with her.. needless to say it was super embarrassing and dumb but I don’t regret it at all..
I only seen aimee 3 times after that and I didn’t leave the best impression of myself.. she thought I was rude and a jerk. Because I was either quiet or teasing her. I just didn’t know how to act with her though.
I started growing some really strong feelings for aimee. But because of the girls I dated before her I couldn’t tell her right away without her telling me.
After only a few days through November we kept talking online. And we would constantly tell each other
Me: I really like you aimee.
Aimee: I really like u too tone.
Or even I miss you. And I miss you more.. we only seen each other 3 times! Needless to say we wanted more of one another.. at least that’s how I felt. And we did but we would have tiny arguments but we always ended up caving into one another.
Aimee ended up making a phrase because ‘I like you’ sounded not as good enough for her too me. She started telling me..
Aimee: I lava you tone.
Me: I lava you too aimee.
Lava me? Put it together I mean seriously it was childish but neither one of us wanted to say that one word.
We talked online A LOT and we had a ton of tiny arguments so I started feeling like what If we can’t keep this going?
So it happened.. and it happened because of her.
December 30th 2013.
Me: Aimee if I tell you something you can’t be sad or mad. I just need your opinion nothing else.
Aimee: ok
Me: Aimee I like you a lot I start my day out thinking of you and ending it the same. But we fight and we argue and we disagree. And when we see each other it helps some what. But it doesn’t make it a lot better. I want to be with you, you make me happy. You’re a great girl and I’m on the verge of doing just about anything to keep you with me. But do you think this can keep going? Me and you?
Aimee: yes.
Me: Are you sure?
Aimee: why? Do you think different?
Me: No I don’t think different. I do think this can keep going.
Aimee: Then don’t doubt it.
Me: I really really try not to but we argue every other day.
Aimee: But we make up.
Me: Barely when we do we just give in to each other. And forget about it.
Aimee: but I think that, that’s a good thing.
Me: Aimee baby it’s not. For all I know when I get you mad I see you, you say you’re over it and you’re not. And you just want things to be normal.
Aimee: you’ve never seen me mad.
Me: you don’t ever show it baby.
Aimee: show what?
Me: when you’re mad.
Aimee: Bc I’m mad. You know I’m mad when I cry. I love you tony shut up.
I put my cheap ass white cricket phone down and all I could think about is how much I wanted to say that.. but I couldn’t because I wasn’t good enough for aimee.. but her telling me.. started to make me feel like I was. I wanted to marry her. As corny as it is I was in love at first sight.
Me: :/ I love you too aimee. I don’t like us fighting and arguing.
Aimee: fighting will make us stronger. Lol Okay babe, I’m sorry. 😗
Me: no I’m sorry 😘
Aimee: you didn’t do anything babe. You’re amazing and tried to make me feel better. I’m just very depressed and let my emotions get to me and take it out on you. And I’m sorry that I do that, I always do that I push people away. But I don’t want to push you away because you make me happy. And I like doing weird things with you because it makes you smile and laugh. And seeing you smile and laugh makes me happy. I actually want to last with you, at first I was going to dump you after 2 weeks like I do every guy but I really really liked you and want to last as long as possible because I love you tony. I’m sorry.
From there on out.. I wanted to better myself.. I wanted a future and I wanted a life with aimee. Something that seemed so impossible after graduation. Seemed possible now. All through one person. Who I adored more than anyone.
Being so cautious about love I just had to ask.. maybe I just wanted to hear it again and see it..
Me: I have a question.
Aimee: ok
Me: why are you saying I love you?
Aimee: Cause I more than like you.
Me: Okay baby girl.
Aimee: mmhmm
Me: you still don’t want me to see you?
Aimee: ur dumb for asking that.
Me: okay. But when?
Aimee: Thursday?
Me: okay. But did it hurt?
Aimee: did wut hurt?
Me: When you fell from heaven c:
I stayed the corny boyfriend for as long as I could. One day in particular that I remember spending at Aimee’s was when I got there and her mom said.
“Hey have you ate boy?”
“No but I’m okay.”
“You sure? Aimee make him a sandwich.”
What!? I wasn’t expecting this type of treatment.. never got treated this way any where I went.
“Okay mom, you like turkey? Or Ham? Oh wait we only have turkey” aimee said
There was something different about aimee and her sandwiches they were simple but damn good when I tell you I was treated like a king I really was!
“I know you really like Ed, edd and Eddie”
Aimee our on my favorite childhood cartoon for me to watch and she brought me my food. Things could not be any better than this. I felt at home. I felt wanted for once. She was now my drug and I was addicted.
I put my feet on the glass table they had in the living room and through my head back. And I took a small nap.
And then.. Aimee’s mom walked by.
She pulled my hair and said.
“You lookin pretty comfy now mister.”
I immediately sat up and apologized because this wasn’t my house.
“It’s okay you can rest you always look really tired.” Monica told me
Later Aimee’s mom left and her grandmother was across the street with the neighbor. We would play fight on the couch and we’ll I dragged her down to lay with me.
She looked at me laying on me and I told her for the first time In person.
“You’re so pretty aimee”
She swayed and dig her face into my chest.
I wanted this forever.
Time went on and I spent more time with aimee at her house. I was there so much it was normal to see me there every day.
But then her mom started noticing that and just thought we needed some space from each other. I only had to accept it. It wasn’t my home to be going over every day anyways.
So I’d wait patiently for a time when aimee could either tell me to go see her or she telling me her mom is in a good mood and to come over.
Deep down every time I went over I was truly happy and felt so invited by her mom and siblings and her grandmother. It was great. But leaving and walking home alone, was dark for me.
I’d cry a little because I had no job.
I wasn’t in school.
And even though I knew I wanted to do whatever to keep her around. I still didn’t know what I wanted to be.
I walked to her about being a cop but it was so damn annoying to think I had to sit in school. Maybe I’ll find a job? Whatever it was I had to act fast.
Time pressed on and we got more serious.
Aimee: bro we can easily sneak out and be together, and just chill outside.
Me: No then your mom wont trust me.
I used to hate when she called me bro.. haha but at that time I didn’t really care. It was clear she wanted me to be more with her than anything else.
Aimee: uh she won’t know lol
Her master plan to sneak out was genius because we moth didn’t have enough alone time with one another. So I was completely for it after some convincing.
Aimee: be here at 10:30 ok?
Me: okay baby.
I remember running fast as hell at 10:20 when I mean fast I mean fucking fast I was so excited to see her and I didn’t want to keep her waiting.
Four houses down where there were these small apartments I stopped to catch my breath every time. Because I wanted her to think damn he got here fast walking.. but really I was sprinting haha.
The first time I seen her at night she had a long sleeve on and sweats no shoes! With socks! She as really committed to making her mom think she was going to sleep.
Aimee took me to this thing what she referred to as a water fountain. It was in the neighborhood about 10 minutes or less away from her house. We would sit there all night and just talk and talk. And on a few occasions we would even make out for a long time and get really nervous because people lived in town homes there and would come to the mailbox right where we sit.
We did care though I had her and she had me.
One night we went out walking and I just started thinking.. we should go somewhere else. So I suggested where we could go. And remember aimee didn’t wear shoes..
“We should walk to memorial park!” I told aimee
“What? Memorial park? That’s hella far. I don’t think I’d be back home in time.”
“Pussy, lets go baby.”
“Haha okay babe lets go”
We walked towards memorial park, talking about her day and mines. Her day consisted of school and studying. While mine was only basketball and working out.
We crossed a small bridge over the katy freeway. And I took a look at aimee and she was so pretty. I couldn’t believe a girl like her was in love with me. I was so excited. We had to cross over a train track and all the way to memorial park. It took almost an hour and a half so we got there and we went to the jungle gym.
It was so damn dark we couldn’t see anything. But we heard people. So we both freaked out and left home. Each time we got to her house I kissed her and told her.
“I love you aimee, I love you so much. I’ll let you know when I’m home”
Another night we went to some Town homes that were being built. We were doing this and we hadn’t even made a year yet. But it just felt like we knew each other for so long. We went to the top floor of a townhome that was just a frame at the time. We laid down on the floor and held each other and we talk all night. So long the sun started rising. Crazy right?
But all things come to an end.
Aimee: can I see u tonight? 9:30 lets go out for a walk.
Me: of course my love.
I went over to see her again and this night was very special just because we would never forget about it.
We walked to the park in our neighborhood I gave aimee a piggy back ride because the grass was a little wet. I sat her down on a flat part of the jungle gym in the play ground.
Again we talked the whole time. Conversations with aimee were so great. I loved her company any time any where.
But then it happened.
“Shit.. my phone is ringing.. it’s my mom! Oh my god tony she never calls..”
Out of panic I tell aimee
“Don’t answer it.”
But aimee is no liar.. it’s something she could never do.
“Hello?”
“Where are you” her mom asked.
“I’m at the park with tone.”
She hung up and aimee knew it. We were in deep shit..
“Tony I’m scared I know my mom is going to be so fucking pissed.”
“It’s going to be okay aimee”
“No it’s not okay. She is gonna take my phone away.”
We ended up walking towards the house and sure enough came Aimee’s mom really damn fast around the corner.
We got in the car and instantly I felt the anger and how disappointed she was in us.
She parked she car in an aggressive fashion
“Aimee go inside.”
“Okay” aimee went inside and only to look back at me knowing I was going to get chewed out.
“What are you thinking” Aimee’s mom told me.
“I don’t know, but it was my idea.”
“Don’t lie for her. Tony you’re not strong enough to protect.”
Really holding back what I want to say I let her yell at me for 2 minutes.
“What is someone came and wanted to murder her or a rapist came”
“I’d do whatever to protect”
She quickly snapped at me
“NO YOU CANT IM SORRY TONY BUT YOU’RE WEAK AND YOU WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO PROTECT HER!”
I sat down and felt so shameful. I disrespected her mother. And put her in danger.
“Go home tony. I don’t want you to come around for a while”
She exited the car and without thinking my body got out. And I walked home about half way down the block I yelled.
Walking up to Tc. jester I made a left and went to railroad. I walked over to the train tracks and laid on top of a train cart. And I cried for a while and I yelled again and I yelled.
“IM STRONG ENOUGH! I CAN PROTECT HER!”. I walked home with shame.
Time went on
Aimee’s phone was taken away, and she would call me from her home phone. I missed her more than anything. She has this smell.. and I was attracted to it. It was just this natural smell and I loved it.
Not knowing when I could go over I was afraid of Aimee’s mom at that point. But I needed to find a way to get there. So I asked aimee
“When does your sister get dropped off by the bus?”
I could walk Abby home and see aimee even if it was for a few minutes.
“About 4:30 ish sometimes it comes a little later”
“I’ll walk Abby home”
“You don’t have too babe. But if you want that okay I think Abby would kinda find it weird.”
I didn’t care. I walked over to La India where they sold breakfast tacos in the morning only. I waited for Abby to get there. And soon enough she did.
“ABBY!!” I yelled.
Abby turned and looked around not knowing who was calling.
“Tony? Oh my gosh, I was like who is calling my name?”
We walked down to her house and we talked, I never had a conversation with her sister until then we talked about how aimee has a song that she would sing sometimes.
“Smack that ass because you love that ass?” I said
“Haha yeah that’s it!”
Then I asked Abby the obvious question. If her mother was still mad at me.
Abby needed up telling me that she was actually asking about me and where I was. And that her mom really forgets things fast sometimes.
Waking to Aimee’s house and her sitting on a white metal rocking chair. Reading a book. Aimee was always either reading her books or studying and obviously texting me. I bet I was pretty annoying.
“Sisssterrrrrr!!”
“Sisterrrrrr!”
They both yelled at one another and then aimee seen me.
“Oh my god tone!!”
She was so excited to see me.
We hung out and talked outside I had a black shirt on with the Beatles on it and some green pants and gray vans.
Aimee took a picture of me. I think she still has it.
Her mom showed up and just walked passed us inside. Made me feel like she was still angry about it all.
“Let’s go inside and watch something” aimee said.
I went inside and sat on the couch in the living room and Aimee’s mom walked over and said.
“You walked my baby home tony boy?”
“Yeah I did. I figured I wasn’t doing anything. So why not.”
“That’s sweet thank you baby”
I felt relieved to know that she wasn’t upset with me anymore. But then another talk came soon after that.
“Listen, both of you I love you and I can’t have that. I told aimee and now I’m telling you. Y’all need more space from each other. So I don’t want you coming over every day tony boy”
“Yes mam” me and aimee both said.
I was a little upset but I understood and respected her rules.
Me and Aimee were two peas in a pod or even like peanut butter and jelly, we were always together.
Her favorite food was salmon from this place called liberty kitchen off of 11th St. near Hogg middle school.
Aimee ended up introducing me to a lot of new things like non-rated movies for those of you who don’t know what they are those are independent films really they were just some crazy things that she would find on Netflix or even on the Internet but she showed me so many movies that I never knew existed.
What we did every day was watch movies or watch anime, she really got me hooked on to anime watching we would watch a few episodes of Naruto and then I found myself watching it all day at home by myself.
Things weren’t always so happy her grandma will often come up to me and tell me in Spanish how I needed to go to school or get a job and stop coming over so often.
Deep down I knew she was right every time she spoke to me she had Aimee translate everything and make sure that I understood what she was saying to get her point through.
One day she even thought that Aimee wasn’t telling me so she had her step brother Gio tell me everything it was pretty brutal but you know, I just took it..
Soon enough me and Aimee started doing something really crazy it wasn’t my idea but Aimee always had a master plan.
We got caught sneaking out because Amy left her door open and her cat came downstairs and went to the window aimee left open her mother ended up going towards Aimees room just out of curiosity and noticing that Aimee left her door open. it was kind of weird for Aimee because she always kept it closed
But a mothers intuition is never wrong she noticed that the window was open and that’s how Aimee got in and out. Aimee didn’t really use the front door because it made noise so she left The window cracked.
So that’s how we got caught.
But we were still so desperate to see one another so the new plan was devised by the mastermind.
If she can’t sneak out then I’ll just have to sneak in
Really fucking crazy right.
But it worked and I stayed I had the best moments with aimee inside of her room. I’ll never forget moments that me and her will share for a lifetime I love her so much and I would do everything over again.
I spent Christmas in 2014 with her family meeting everybody for the second time But this time I literally met everybody. I mean everyone, the first time I ever met her family it was at her sisters 15 in their backyard.
Her grandmother made the best tamales when I mean the best I mean the best I would eat 12 to 15 of them.
Her family would watch me stuff my face and be seriously amazed about how many tamales I could eat.
Aimee family then told me that we would pray half of us went outside which were the guys and the other half would stay inside for the girls and we would sing to one another
Then we would come back inside and all pray and her grandmother would sit down pray the rosary and sing songs everything was in Spanish but I still enjoyed every moment of it
They would make a huge pot of hot chocolate milk and not the lame American chocolate milk I’m talking about that good Mexican chocolate milk.
After praying the rosary and singing all the songs they would pull out a baby Jesus and all of us would go one by one kissing the baby Jesus on his forehead.
Never would I have ever expected a gift from anybody there but when it came time to open gifts they said each person on a chair one by one and you open all of your gifts in front of everybody and show everybody what you got and then my name was called surprisingly I did have gifts
Her grandmother had got me gloves and her and candy cut me a scarf and her other aunts got me shirts and her mother she got me a sweater and two shirts from Hollister that I still have today.
I knew damn well that I wanted to spend every Christmas with them just because it felt so right.
But Aimee on the other hand wanted to spend time with my family especially on New Year’s since apparently her family didn’t pop fireworks because of an incident with her uncle Frankie.
After the year passed in 2015 came around that’s when Aimee started telling me that I had to do something I had to go to school or had to get a job I didn’t know what I wanted to do and it really upset me because I wanted to do something to show her that I’m worth it.
We got into arguments, really bad ones this time and all I could think about was to push through it and I’ll find something.
As time went on through the year Aimee slowly started figuring that I was never going to do anything with my life.
And also she started getting bored of just watching movies and playing games and TV shows.
So I tried my best to make things a little better between us Started driving my fathers F250 super duty she honestly didn’t really care where we went so long as we weren’t home.
But what can I do I had no job and no money
Aimee would tell me that there are hundreds of free things in the city that we could do that I need to make an effort to go and do them with her.
I kind of felt that she was not as in love with me anymore or maybe not in love with me but not happy being with me or what grew between us the precious Love started dying out.
Still I was determined to do something with myself to find something to be someone to show her that I was worth every second.
2016 came around me and Aimee both worked at a place called yuppie dog.
She was a receptionist in the front office and I was a cleaner starting out. And as time went on I had been moving through all the positions and getting a higher pay.
But still I know that this wasn’t enough Aimee was going to school as well she was attending HCC and she wanted to be a physical therapist not only was she had going for physical therapy but she had a plan from A to B to C to D.
In my eyes Aimee is the smartest person that I had ever met, she knew everything and she studied so hard. Relentlessly all night in her books all night online on her laptop working her problems out and really study down to the bone.
While I woke up at 6:30 practically every morning to go to work for measly 600 $700 paycheck.
Working at yuppie dog me and Aimee started to want a dog but we knew that we couldn’t get one because Aimee had a Diana cat.
But one day her grandma just let Diana out Aimee said that it was on purpose and she really hated Diana which I’m sure it was true but what happened happened we made flyers and walked around and ask people if they seen Diana but she never came up.
Soon after Aimee mother went to Mexico for I’m guessing a retreat or maybe her great grandfather’s birthday.
Before she left we asked her.
“Soooo me and tone wanna get a dog. We will take the dog to work every day! And she will stay at Tony’s most of the time.” Aimee said.
But the obvious answer was
“No.”
As rebellious as we were when her mother went to Mexico we ended up going to the ASPCA and adopting a dog.
And it was on May 5 on Cinco de Mayo that we found a dog named Fernanda and she was making a mess inside of her tiny cage we took her to a little playroom and really she stole our hearts and we ended up leaving with her. We named her Cleopatra. Cleo for short.
Later that same day I had to get a card from Chase so we went to the chase bank off of Yale and that’s when it happened
“I’ll be back momma.”
“Okay daddy”
I left inside to get my card and only took about five minutes they just printed one really fast and then I was on my way back outside back to my beautiful girlfriend and our new puppy.
And right as I open the door.. there she goes excited and flying right out.. on the the pavement..
“Aimee!! Why weren’t you holding her!?”
I looked up at Aimee after I picked up Cleo.
And Aimee was laughing so hard about it. I couldn’t help but to be upset but at the same time. It was funny she said that she just jumped and disappeared.
We took Cleo to her first park at Memorial Park she had this really weird shaky body but we just assume that it was the big truck that was making her be that way.
We spent the day together and at night for sometime Aimee kept her at home because she had this cut from being spayed and it was glued together so Aimee was always freaking out about it.
Eventually the cut started opening because Cleo kept wanting to lick it or her little tummy started going against the grass in the morning.
Cleo kind of glued us together the wounds that open up between me and Aimee. she brought us closer together and it was great.
Soon after her mother came back from Mexico and was really surprised that we had a dog obviously she was of mad for a bit but she ended up loving cleo a lot.
Time went in 2016.
I decided that I wanted to join the military so Aimee had me studying math because it was my weakest subject she taught me all that she could every single day we really really worked on it and she was a great teacher even though she got really frustrated really fast I loved it.
I don’t know what it was about me and getting into something but just as soon as I got closer I started overthinking things.
I ended up passing the test and it came down to picking my job
That’s when I stopped...
I just couldn’t go through with it but I wanted to do something and it felt so right but at the same time I felt so wrong I don’t know what it is with me but I didn’t do it
Aimee started to get even more disappointed at who I was turning out to be. And I felt ashamed for not going through with it to this day I still feel ashamed.
And she still stuck with me even through it all the negative fights We had. She would yell at me and tell me she wasn’t happy anymore.
But a part of me could not leave her, trying so desperately to make things better between me and her I loved her so much. And we spent so much time together I couldn’t bear letting go.
And I chose to be selfish and I begged her to stay.
As time went on throughout 2016 we were approaching 2017 Aimee decided that I should save my money and the best way to do that was to move into her house her grandmother had just moved out and moved into her aunts house so there was open room Aimee thought that I would be staying inside of her old room which was downstairs but her mother had different plans.
“It doesn’t hurt to ask tone.”
“I just, I don’t know. I feel like I shouldn’t.”
“We can be together every day. And go to work together when we can.”
“Okay I’ll ask”
“I already brought it up to her.”
I went over to Aimees that day and I went to her mothers room and told her that I needed to talk to her alone.
“What’s up T-Boy.”
“I just wanted to ask something beautiful.”
“Boy quit being a suck up I already know I’m beautiful. What’s up”
“I wanted to see if I can move into one of your spare rooms it would help me a lot save some money for a car”
She got up and closed her door.
“listen tony I love you like a son and you’ve been with my daughter for a very long time now. There are women in this house so I need to have a talk with my daughters before you come in. And just because you stay here does not mean that you can be around Aimee all the time”
“I know I understand.”
“for right now it’s a no I love you baby but I don’t think that this is a good idea”
My heart dropped into my guts and I looked down clinching my fists. Tears started dropping. I knew being there would benefit me a lot. I had to pay bills being with my father i had to pay for the cable the internet bill the phone bill and to buy groceries.
Spending all my money on that at the end of it I only had like $80.
I looked away and said.
“Okay I understand I gotta go.”
I walked out with watery eyes. Not mad but sad that she said no. I walked into the kitchen and aimee was smiling and she said.
“What did she say?”
As I got closer and we could tell that something was wrong. She seen my eyes and she knew right away that I was upset because she said no.
“I gotta go..”
I walk towards the front door and grabbed my long board which was always sitting at the front door.
“Tony boy, come here baby.”
And I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
I turned around and I looked up and I seen a woman that I wanted to have as my mother so bad.
I love my mom but I grew up and she didn’t treat me that well.
Aimees mom was constantly checking on me to make sure that I was doing good till this day she still checks.
“I love you baby, don’t cry. She said as she hugged me tight.
I felt at home.
“You can stay here.”
It was very emotional for me because it was all that I wanted and finally I got it I made a promise to her that I would try to go to school while being there and working saving for a car she told me I didn’t have to pay for any bills or buy anything she just told me try your best.
Time went on.
Aimee was so excited, so was I.. finally I was applying to school
I took two classes one was online and one was at the pinemont location and at the same time that Aimee was in school so it was perfect.
And then again for some reason I started overthinking.
I ended up passing the online class then the next class I passed but with the D. I never understand why we didn’t apply for another class I think it was because of financial aid and not me having the money to pay for it financial aid give me the runaround because I forged my mom signature and they found out
But even then I still don’t remember why I didn’t continue school.
Time went on and it was 2018 now
Things seemed great but in the back of my mind I knew that Aimee wasn’t fully happy.
We ended up saving some money and we went on a road trip with our dog we went to Colorado but first we stopped in Huntsville and we had this really weird experience there.
We had all of our things packed and we left at 6 AM we left in Aimees car she was driving a 2009 Nissan Xterra or maybe it was a 2004. She called it Zander.
When we left we went to Huntsville thinking we were going to camp there. We got there we set up everything and it seemed really cool we went inside of our tent and made us some sandwiches and then..
I got like really really hot and we were baking inside of our tent.
Eventually Aimee couldn’t take it because she had bad eczema.
So of course the mastermind decided we should go somewhere else.
“Baby let’s leave..”
“Okay but where?”
“I don’t know anywhere”
I forgot to mention that right next to us was really weird white guy camping he had a guitar and he was all alone he ended up yelling at some people who were just walking by
It really creeped us out.
“I’m gonna go in the car and get some air” aimee said.
Yes it was a literally that hot there not only was it hot, it was hella humid.
Aimee walked back to the tent and she told me
“Let’s go to Colorado”
“What...?”
“Pleaseee”
How could I tell her no.
“I’ll tell my mom that everybody wants to go to, because it’s too hot here”
So Aimee ended up telling your mom and what’s crazy is she said Okay.
As we started packing up all my things my guy looked at me and he asked
“where are you guys going?”
I told Aimee to take Cleo and just sit in the car as I pack it everything. I was fine I could handle everything myself.
“Oh we don’t know yet but it’s too hot here.”
“You don’t know?” The stranger asked.
“Yeah..”
“Oookayyy” he said and started playing his guitar.
As I kept packing everything Cleo kept barking inside the car at him.
“What’s wrong with your dog man?”
“Oh nothing she is a rescue dog.”
The man kept watching me play his guitar
I went up to the car where my hatchet because I was having trouble undoing the tent.
Finally I packed everything and we left.
The park ranger lady was kind enough to give us our money back since we didn’t stay the night.
Sounds everywhere on the road again all the way to Colorado on the way to Colorado we stopped at Buc ee’s where Amy got off and she decided to give both of us Buc ee’s shirts. They were tie-dye and then she also came back with pistachios and beef jerky and Mr. Pibb those were some of our favorite snacks.
When we got to Colorado we had to stay in a hotel for two nights because all the camping grounds Were booked nobody had a spot.
Eventually we ended up finding one we set up camp when I tell you it was amazing it was amazing. Although every wheee we went we had cleo and she was kind of a pain in the ass she was barking at everybody.
Even though all that happened we still had fun being in the tent all night freezing and watching movies and waking up and eating breakfast and then cooking marshmallows. It was great. I loved every moment of it.
Coming back to Houston I was really regretting going back to work but I knew I had to. I was starting a new position at work as a groomer I was going to be making more money so That made me kind of look forward to it.
We got back home and back to our lives we ended up going back to Colorado at the end of 2018 and when We left to Colorado the second time we didn’t take Cleo, but we took Jenn and Aimees sister.
What was exciting was I had to quit my job before we left and I had an interview on the way back with my brother who is a really good car salesman with AutoNation so I was honestly looking really forward to that
We had a blast this time about the dog the only thing that was kind of upsetting about the whole thing was that me and Aimee had to drive everywhere.
But still we ended up having a really good time.
Earlier in the year I had bought her a promise ring and I bought it to promise her that one day I would make her happy and I would eventually get her a better ring and marry her.
And the way that I got her ring size was pretty clever Jenn helped me in the process.
Although selling cars was something that Aimee kind of didn’t want me to do she knew that there was a chance that maybe I could be really good at it and possibly be more successful than my older brother.
So she continued to support me.
I know that there are things that I did that were selfish, making her stay..
But I loved her it was so hard to give up I don’t want to I don’t want to believe that the dreams that me and Aimee had were nothing
If I would only just stop and really think about it all..
I came back and I interviewed with my brothers job. And then that’s when the disappointment really hit me personally I didn’t get the job.
I called Aimee and I was so upset I cried at an H-E-B parking lot. It was so heavy on me. But probably Weighed twice as much on her.
Andy had told me to go and work at a car dealership with his old manager in Katy same store just a different location.
I went and I got the job and I called aimee called Aimee right after.
“I’m proud of you daddy!”
For some reason those few words hit me so hard.
time went on for us throughout the year 2018 I did my best at this dealership but it seems like nothing was working mainly because of the management nothing was going through.
Just a few months in working nothing was going good and I had got into a wreck. I was very angry and really needed someone to talk with. Aimee came over and she could tell I was very upset.
But she ignored me, and got on her phone and didn’t pay any attention to me. Now that I think about it I should have just put my frustration to the side as I always do but I couldn’t.. And it lead to a fight.
“Can you please get off your fucking phone? I’m telling you I’m fucking upset and you wanna be on your phone and ignore me.”
“What do you want me to fucking do about it! It’s not my fault things aren’t working there you tony!”
“Just fucking leave you bitch, man I swear to god you’re always on your phone it’s so fucking annoying.”
Aimee got up and as she was leaving I shoved her and grabbed her arm..
It was probably the most aggressive thing I had ever done to her.. I immediately knew I lost control of myself.
Aimee left my house crying. Walking passed my mom and holding it back.
I stayed in my room yelling out of frustration because I was a fucking dumb ass.
How could I be that way to her.
At night I had a knife and rubbing it against my skin I felt useless aimee blocked me and didn’t want to talk at all. I smashed my tv and completely broke it.
Two days later after really hating myself the depression got deeper. I tried hanging myself in my closet. My dog watched me and I was choking. I wanted to get out of the body I was in. I let my weight fall and the belt around my neck came undone after about 29 seconds of hanging.
I felt so empty and I hated myself because I was my own destruction I destroyed everything I loved and I hated it.
On another occasion I tried killing myself once right after having a bad argument with Aimee in the back of her job
I went to KFC after yelling at her and I sat there and tried cutting myself with a razor as I recall I had told Luis where I was over the phone and I’m sure Luis had relayed that message to CJay and CJay found me. Aimee ended up finding out through Cjays girlfriends friends.
It was the most shameful embarrassing moment in my life.
I knew Aimee wasn’t going to be the same with me afterwards
Still she stayed...
What a piece of shit I was the girl I grew to love so much I just disrespected her and was selfish and not doing anything. She gave me the opportunity to grow with her and I passed it up.
I knew things weren’t working at my dealership, because the same deal that I would have I sent it to Andy and he would sell it.
Going into 2019 I told Aimee that this is our year this is when we make things happen we’re gonna kick ass in this year.
But I only continue to fail..
And I know Aimee was so unhappy with me I started seeing it in her face. Although she had deep and unbreakable bond with me she just did not feel happy with me anymore.
And that’s when we really started having problems.
“I can’t do this anymore Chris, I love you but we just need some time apart tony.. just work on yourself and I’ll come back. I promise tony I love you.”
A chance of a lifetime but I only blew away.
And still she stayed.
I left AutoNation to go to work with her uncle Frank knowing that it was a better opportunity for me to make money and But instantly disaster started following me.
Uncle Frank ended up running over my vehicle.
So he got me a rental but even then I couldn’t do anything in that job. Frank decided that he no longer wanted to pay me because things weren’t working out I only lasted about a month or even a half a month.
Shortly after disaster kept following me
I lost my car
I had no job
Still Aimee stayed..
The last moments I had with aimee was helping her mom move all their belongings into a storage unit. I went up stairs as aimee put a few things together. I walked up to her and said I love you.
I leaned in and she gave me a kiss.
For a second I wanted to believe we could push through it. But Aimee didn’t want to anymore and I don’t blame her.
I put the girl that I love so much through so much pain because I couldn’t do anything right..
I couldn’t give her space
I couldn’t focus on myself
I failed at anything I tried
I shamed myself by trying to commit suicide.
I still love her..
I still think about her every day.
I constantly miss her and wish I could go back to times where we were young and in love and we didn’t have a problem with anything.
But we’re older now.
Aimee eventually let go.
And cut me off on everything to get over me.
I regret so many things..
But one thing I will never regret is falling in love with her that day at Reagan.
She left me just before our sixth year anniversary.
It was painful but Aimee is the type a girl knows what she wants inside I’m sure she’s in love with me. It wants me to be successful on my own. Wants me to learn that I don’t need her.
I truly understand what it’s like to lose someone I love now.
Aimee decided to unblock my phone after a few days. She told me
Aimee: unless you make a HUGE step I’ll forever be only a friend.
Me: I’m not making any steps aimee I’m taking leaps.
I was staying at my brothers apartment. And while staying there one night he decided to ask me to go out to a bar with him and his girlfriend. I never liked bars or clubs. But I wanted to change.
So I went. Andy sent me an Uber and we were going to The HandleBar. I seen Aimee’s Bestfriends Snapchat story. And there she was.. and at the very place I was going to..
I got there and I obviously did the wrong thing. I went walking around desperately trying to run into aimee.
I didn’t after walking around 6 times.
I met up with Andy and he said we are taking shots of tequila. I don’t like drinking but but I had ended up drinking, I had two shots of tequila, two sprites and tequila some drink Andy’s girlfriend asked me to drink and another two shots of tequila and a whiteclaw.
I messaged her to come dance with me.
No response
I sent her bestfriend jenn a messaged asking if aimee was okay. But I was really drunk.
We got home and I let my emotions out and for everyone to see.
They took my phone and after trying to calm me down. They went to sleep.
I found my phone..
And I called
And I called
And called.
Sent message after message
I threw up all the liquor.
And I laid down knowing I screwed up and now aimee was going to close the window she opened for me.
Early in the morning I apologized.
She wasn’t having it.
And said a few things.
And blocked me again.
It hurt so much inside I really hate myself down to my core.
Understand that I know how aimee felt and I was selfish about it..
I want to change but I feel like I’ll never change.
Now I really sit around or lay down and I’m really alone with my emotions and it drains me.
I wish I could have a conversation with aimee. I miss everything, but I need to give her space
I can’t expect her to come back to nothing.
I’m writing this because I want people to know that my relationship with her was beautiful
And we both enjoyed ourselves while we could. Our feelings for one another will never die out
This ending is no sad ending.
I plan on getting my head out of my ass there’s only one thing for me to do and that’s to win
Aimee isn’t around anymore but at night I still think of her.
I sleep and I dream of her.
I wake up and I want to tell her good morning.
And I wish it was possible when its late I always ask just to make sure just because she’s always on my mind if she’s home safe tell her I love you all the time.
How I miss the girl I love. One day I’ll be her king again. And I’ll appreciate her love her and support her.
But as man.
No longer just a boy, who could do nothing.
