Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater
I met the other girl. The other girl that I had a bad feeling about for months. We met at a party. She was there with him, and I was not. That stung more than imaginable.
But the plot thickens. I met this wonderful girl that had been cheating with the love of my life and then was told that “I” was crazy! Ha. Guess I am! So my crazy self was the better person and give him a chance to explain even though it was far too late for that. His explanation… We needed to break up because he is moving to New York, and I am staying in Georgia. Uh, so what does that have to do with the slut whom you were cheating on me with? Cool beans. So that happened.. on the fourth of July. HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY AMERICA.
The problem is, though, I still love him.
It’s unfortunate when you realize that you can’t trust a single statement coming from someone who you used to believe with your life. You used to tell this person everything, all of your secrets, knowing that he wouldn’t say a word to anyone. You couldn’t care less about who he was texting or seeing on the weekends because you knew that whatever he was doing was just fine. You could sleep at night without hearing from him because you knew he was probably just busy with his friends. You would get in the car with him every day knowing that you would be safe and that he would never let anything happen to you.
Then he gets caught, caught right in the act. You knew it. There goes all possible trust after that one. You love him, though, so you try to work things out. All he does is start lying to you about everything because he knows he can get away with it. You do everything you can to try to be what he wants, so he will never do that to you again. You become miss perfection. What does he do, though? He dumps you because you obsess over trying to trust him and be his dream girl. You can’t believe it. All the hurt he put you through, and he’s the one who ends it. You know you should have done it, but unlike him, you cared about the relationship, your mistake. He moves on, perfectly happy knowing that someone loved him, and he can still have any girl he wants. Meanwhile, you try to move on understanding and remembering what he did to you and that your trust for anything will never be the same. You can never have full faith again because it was already shattered so severely.
That was me. I was that girl who allowed someone to mistreat her for so long. I was the girl that gave up her virginity to make sure he stuck around. I was the girl who cried in the bathroom because her boyfriend cheated ON HER BIRTHDAY. That was me.
He was my first love and well my first everything. We met in 2010 at the beginning of my tenth-grade year and started officially dating that October. I had never had someone hold my hand in the hallways or tell me I was beautiful over a text message. I had never had a guy tell me he loved me, even though now I know it wasn’t real love. I fell so hard for him so quickly and lost who I was ever quicker.
The first year of our relationship was pretty much smooth sailing. Then came my birthday, the day he cheated on me with another girl and then tell me about it. That was the day I started to see him in a different light. I no longer saw him as my perfect boyfriend but saw him as someone who didn’t think I was good enough, not to cheat. It made me crazy, made me insecure, and made me work so hard to please him I lost everything I was or could have been. My trust was gone entirely, and all I could think about was him cheating on me again. I guess I felt it so much that it came true because sure enough; he did. He cheated again with a girl at our high school. A girl who became friends with me so I wouldn’t suspect that she was sleeping with him behind my back. A girl who sent him naked pictures and made love to him while she was on the phone with me. A monster.
That should have been it, that should have been where I swallowed my pride and walked away for good, but I didn’t. I continued to fight for someone who was never worth fighting for. I should have been fighting for myself instead, but that would have been way too easy.
By 2014, my toxic relationship was still going…kind of. We had graduated high school and planned to enjoy the summer together before going off to college. In my mind, I thought that meant enjoying time together as a couple, but, in his mind, it meant enjoying any female that gave him the slightest bit of attention.
On July 3rd, 2014, he and I went to a party with some friends. The party was way bigger than we expected, and we quickly lost each other in the crowd. I remember looking for him everywhere and noticing that my friends were all acting strange, trying to keep me away from going outside. We hadn’t been there for more than an hour at that point, but that was all he needed to swoon some random girl — the reason they had blocked me from going outside.
There they were, making love on the trampoline, acting like nobody else was around. There I was, watching him with another girl, not being able to take my eyes off of the scandal. At that point, I was done. I was exhausted, and I was embarrassed. I finally did something that I should have done three years back, I left. I left the party. I left all my “friends,” and I left him…for good.
As hurt as I was for being used, lied to, pushed aside, and forgotten about by someone I gave everything to, I planned to take a step back. I didn’t need him to put me first. Not if I put myself first. From then on, I realized that I didn’t need a guy to do anything for me, and I didn’t need to be anything for a guy.
I know I’m beautiful, enjoyable, and kind, and I can tell myself that. I can make myself dinner and fix things when they break, almost as quickly as I can pump my gas and pleasure my self. Why? Because I am great. I am great, and I loved him more than any girl out there is going to, and it will be funny when one day he realizes that he will never have that ever again. His loss for leaving it behind.
Where am I now? I’m in my successful career, helping children who need it and deserve it. I’m living with the most amazing guy who has never made me question his faith to me. I found the right guy. The right guy who hasn’t lied to me, used me or gave up on me like it was nothing. The guy I love more than anything and didn’t think I ever could. I won because I’m great.
Guess what else? You’re great too.
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“He is not the sun. You are.”
— Christina Yang
