Chapter One
“ROWAN. YOU NEED TO GET UP,” my mom shouts.
I groan. Today is the first day of my eighth grade year. “Can I go to school tomorrow instead?” I ask.
“It’s not a choice!” Mom’s suddenly in my room, yanking off my blankets. “You’re thirteen years old, Rowan! Grow up.”
I roll onto my side and put my pillow over my ears. “Mom, please!”
She takes my pillow. “Rowan May, you need to get up and get downstairs.”
“Please just let me stay home one more day,” I reply.
“No. Get up, now!” she yells.
I groan again and roll out of bed. “I’m depressed!”
Mom rolls her eyes and sighs. “That’s just a mood, Rowan. You can’t be sick in your mind. Just like this whole girl thing. Temporary. It’s a phase, you know?” she asks. If I can even say that. It was more like her telling me depression and lesbianism doesn’t exist. “Just a phase,” ha. Yeah, right. Romantic attraction isn’t temporary, it’s forever.
Mom leaves and I grab a sweatshirt and jeans. I don’t try to look good at school anymore, I just wear whatever’s at the top of my drawers.
I’m not suicidal. Yet. Just clearing that up. Yeah, I have depression, but I have no desire to leave this world. Again, yet. I have a feeling I will at some point. Not that I ever will commit suicide, but I feel it coming.
And yes. I’m lesbian. I like girls. A lot. Specifically one girl. Thea Klein, a dark-haired, green-eyed thespian who always got the lead roles. She’s never noticed me. I’ve been crushing on her for years, since fourth grade at least.
“ROWAN. I have fifteen minutes then I’m out the door,” Mom shouts.
I sighed. “COMING,” I reply loudly.
I run downstairs, pulling on my battered sneakers, Tessa on the right and Joe on the left. They make me feel less alone. Every day, Mom would see my shoes and say, “You need new shoes.” And I would reply, “Tessa and Joe have served me well for almost a year now, Mom. Why give them up now?”
Mom spots my shoes and I shake my head. “Not today, Mom!” I skip the last few steps and take one piece of toast. “I’m gonna go over to Jenna’s now. Her mom likes me.”
Jenna is my best friend. She’s aro and ace and she’s intent on making Thea notice me. For awhile she didn’t want me with someone who didn’t even notice me, but now she sees that I’m not getting over Thea anytime soon. Marianne, her mom, is like a true mother to me. She knows I’m depressed and lesbian and she’s the one who picks up my prescription for me at the pharmacy because my mother won’t.
As soon as I get to Jenna’s house, she hugs me and lets me in.
“This year will be different,” she says.
