Once upon a time
Within me there existed somewhat understandable emotions
That plagued my every day
Strange ideas, convoluted and unlikely, but nevertheless
Coherent
Once upon a time
Within me there existed many things that now feel too distant
Unreachable, long gone
And in their place
An oppressive, overwhelming feeling of
Anger
What do I want?
I want to run to and far away from you
I want to see you without having to look at you because your face hurts
Your name hurts
I’m fine
Until I’m not, when I’m reminded that there is
You
That you are somewhere
Existing
Why? Why? Why?
I want to scream it in your face, I want you to dare
To look at me
And I want to hide
Away from you because I hate you
I want you to see that you don’t affect me, that I am okay
But you do, and I am not
Shame
If only
If only we could play your game
The way you like it
You name the time and place, I’m more than willing
Eager
Let’s scream at each other
Let’s punch the walls
Let’s break shit
I’ll take it
If it means that we’ll do something
Anything
To get out of this miserable hole we are stuck in
Suffocating
Slowly draining the fun out of things
Spoiling the very state of being
Why wouldn’t anyone sane want a way out of this wretchedness
Why wouldn’t anyone sane
We can’t be sane, not you or me
Because this feels too familiar, almost natural
How gifted we are in the art of idiocy!
Suffering in silence, making each other anxious
I can’t think, I can’t breathe with you around
But I take sick consolation in the fact
That I am not the only one who noticed
How you too shy away from me, seemingly submerged someplace else
Looking at me
When you think no one sees you
But I do
