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Aa

The Champion

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Summary

Shadow, strength, and luck-- the three skills of the Gaveliers. Aila, after finding safety among this group of no-kill warriors, learns of yet a fourth skill when she is selected by the god himself to be his champion. Now considered a hero, will she live up to the expectations? Or will her past keep her from reaching her full potential?

Status
Ongoing
Chapters
6
Rating
n/a
Age Rating
16+

Chapter 1

“Ergh!” said Aila to herself as she got out of bed. Placing her feet on the floor, she reached out her hand on her desk to steady herself. She moved over to her wooden dresser and contemplated what to wear. 

"Like it really matters,” thought Aila as she selected one of her many black shirts. Pulling her long, auburn hair to the side and braiding it, she walked along the empty stone hallway towards the Marshal’s office. Along the way she received several glances from other students along with some whispers of disapproval and questioning why she was there. “Oh, that’s still happening,” she remembered.

Arriving, she pulled on the cold brass handle, opened the heavy wooden doors and approached the desk with the name plate ‘Marshal Stoll’. She was getting more and more agitated with him. “Why does he even bother anymore?” she thought.

She stepped into the wood paneled office with certificates and medals on the wall along with paintings of objects relating to the three main gods of the Gaveliers–shadow, strength, and what Aila affectionately referred to as luck. Well, as much affection she could muster; she did not truly subscribe to the belief and didn’t pay attention in class enough to really understand. In fact, she was sure there were other objects hanging relating to the Gaveliers that she would never truly know the significance of.

“Sit.” Marshal Stoll demanded sternly. Rolling her eyes as she sat down, he stared at her intensely. He was of average build and height, with salt and pepper hair. “You already know what I’m going to say to you,” Aila momentarily thought back to the conversation they had had earlier in the week.

“Um...you are going to dismiss me from all classes and pay me an exuberant amount of money?” she gave a wry smile.

“Is that what you want?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at her words. Aila, taken by surprise, looked at him cautiously as he leaned in. “Do you want us to pay you out? Do you want to end your time here? That’s no problem, no one is forced to stay here.”

With a pang of guilt thinking back to how Marshal Stoll saved her life, Aila replied “no, I just was....um...jus-”

“I don’t have time for these games Aila. There are a number of other students here to look after, not to mention the squads I also supervise,” he replied standing while maintaining eye contact.

“I’ll say it again, you already know what I’m going to say to you.” Aila nodded her head. “Well...what am I going to say?”

Sighing, Aila replied “I...I’ve missed too many classes.”

“Why? What is going on?” his tone changed.

“Nothing...I’ve just been tired, overwhelmed.”

“You haven’t been to the infirmary and you haven’t been staying in your dorms, where have you been going?”

“You should know, you apparently like to keep tabs on me,” Aila sneered, crossing her arms defensively. “Why can’t he just leave me alone?”

Marshal Stoll paused and let out a sigh. Leaning forward and keeping his voice low he said “Look, I can’t keep pulling strings here; the council needs to see dedication, not a lot, but enough to show that you have interest in being here. If you keep missing classes, you will be removed,” he warned.

Aila looked away at the wall becoming distracted by the various medals and certificates framed. The world around her went silent as her eyesight went out of focus. She began to be elsewhere and could feel it in her chest. Her vision began to blacken and she could feel cold sweat start to bead on her back. Her back. The fire. The screams.

“...a lot of poten...Aila, Aila are you listening?” Aila was beginning to get that floating feeling and could feel her eyes gloss over. She would sometimes stare, seemingly lost in thought, until someone or something distracted her enough.

“Aila,” he said gently while carefully touching her arm. Moving quickly, Aila shot a glance at him as she withdrew her arm from his touch. She looked down as she stated “I know, its just been...hard lately with all of the makeup work, I’ll try to get as much of it done.”

“I can understand that, but I’m more concerned about where you’ve been going...” he replied trying to look at her eyes. Aila looked up to meet his’ and assured him she was just resting either in the dorms or in the library.

“Fine, but I want you to check in with me every day at 1:30, you understand?”

“Why, you don’t believe me?”

“I’m smarter than that,” he said with a smirk.

Aila rolled her eyes and got up. As she made her way to the door, marshal Stoll stated “None of what I said sounded like ‘you can leave’,” Aila turned around. “May I leave Marshal?” She maintained steady eye contact and stared coldly. “Yes,” he replied. Aila quickly grabbed the handle and walked out the door. Marshal Stoll was not too sure about letting her go; from her eyes alone he could tell she had been using.

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author

A really strong narrative start! Solid, clipped physical descriptions giving space for strong, character developing dialogue. Aila's rhetoric walks the line between insolent and respectful in a manner that is believable and provides insight into her relationship with the Marshall. Strong hook in your initial chapter, last sentence is a perfect ender to capture reader interest. I genuinely have nothing critical to say about this, save that there are a couple of stray grammatical errors that might need to be mopped up, and I would capitalize Marshall Stoll consistently, rather than marshall Stoll. Now on to the next chapter!

5 years
1
author

thanks so much! i wasnt sure if "Marshal should be capitalized" !

5 years

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