Is it Enough?

A girl sitting in front of her laptop, wanting to write something clearly having a writer’s block but not wanting to say it out loud... It’s not like there’s anyone to tell to anyway. Her company is with the Labrador sitting near her feet looking out the floor to ceiling windows... Its attention on the traffic and bystanders. Her siblings and father out of the large house at their places of work abroad... her mother having been abroad as well for a couple of years or so now otherwise she was sure she would be in bed with her mother talking about nonsense or binge watching the supernatural, her mother’s favorite show, she still remembers the fights her mother and siblings would have with the TV... Her self being someone who would be a watching from the sidelines not really caring about what channel plays as she likes just about anything... it’s a blessing and also a curse, whenever the questions arise on what is her favorite? As she simply doesn’t do favorite, just having TV-shows she favors over others and not a single one... Same when it comes to what she hates... again simply not being able to hate anything, only dislike it but that feeling also doesn’t last long...

The sky starts pouring... Bringing her out of her daydreams, she enjoyed the rain, stars, moon and sunsets... well nature to put it simply... I suppose you could call her indecisive but she isn’t as when she has an opinion, she would tell it and she is leadership material as her school teachers would tell during the parent-teacher meetings

The rain settles but still pours, cooling the area a bit... she starts thinking about a different world, a tremendously different world... one with the freedom she sees in these movies about high school, where she could have had a car at sixteen, hangout with friends and the whole lot but she pulls herself out as she isn’t much of an extrovert... She does have excellent interpersonal skills though, being able to start a conversation with anyone and she is the person that a person would come to when looking for comfort and a friend but of course, they would leave right after... Which is why she has friends but not close friends... People that would call once a month, at the end of the call telling they should talk more but in the end call back in a month or earlier if they need something. It’s not like she would want it any other way as she is completely fine with her company. Her dog turns in its place as it has fallen asleep. And of course, her family and dog’s company...

She thinks again about an idea for the next chapter of her book... Of course, now her mind is out of ideas... every night, her mind flows with ideas yet when she sits in front of her desktop, she can’t place them in words and when she does, it feels wrong.

She thinks about a show she watched about other creatures, Werewolves, Vampires, Lycans and Witches... the people acting were disappointing compared to the books and manga she read... the people she read about were most definitely not perfect but they were good looking at least in her mind, supposed to be ethereal-like... so she guesses that’s why the people were disappointing in both the looks-department as well as acting...

She thinks about a world with creatures like them and wonders why they would hide when they are the superior species... coming back to this supposedly horrid world... she gives up closing her desktop and lefts herself off the chair deciding to freshen up for the night, she heads to the bathroom, picking a fresh towel from the linen closet next to it and walk in, closing the door behind her, not feeling the need to lock it...

she lifts the tap, letting the water flow freely... takes a scoop of water and wetting her face, wondering how the people in commercials do it as when she tried, it ended up wetting the entire area and not even touching her face before doing so... she reaches for the face wash, takes a couple of drops and lathering in her hands before doing so on her face... hoping it would the grime off her faces before her face decides it’s too late and gives her pimples to stare at... rinsing the soap off as well.

She takes her toothbrush, wetting it and taking the toothpaste placing just a dap on the brush instead of filling the entire surface as it was just a waste... starting to brush her teeth, remembering the instruction her mother had given when teaching her, with some adjustments, she had perfected the art of brushing her teeth, if it can be called an art, she smiles at her though of brushing her teeth an art...

she stared at her face... Noticing the blemishes, pimple scar, and not tiny pores... Her skin is by far not perfect... but she had learnt to accept it being the 21st century and 2021 too... now the beauty gurus she sees on the internet, opening embrace their skin saying it’s part of being human, the texture, scars and all... she admires them to be honest, it’s not like she isn’t confident with not wearing makeup as she doesn’t wear makeup on a daily basis only during special occasion but for them to have such a large audience which is also very judgmental, she admires them for their courage mainly but she knows that she doesn’t know what happens behind closed doors and also doesn’t really care as it isn’t her business... she stops her brushing and spitting out the foam in her mouth, repeating the progress a couple of times.

she does her business on the lavatory, realizing she had forgot her phone to play some tune, it helps to stop the thoughts from getting out of hand and keep her mind calm, using the bidet to wash her parts, she heads to the shower, not caring much to go bring her phone now... checking the water to see if it’s warm before heading under the shower head, letting the water cascade on her body feeling the droplets on her skull and her hair flowing into place, the water flowing down her curves, she inherited from her South-Asian background that she loved, the droplets finally meeting the ground which is ever so slightly tilted so it meets the drain on the side of the shower floor and continue its journey going somewhere on this little earth and also probably will be meeting her years later again but for now, goodbye...

she closes the tap and takes the shampoo and lathers it on her skull, messaging it through her hair, opening the tap again and letting the water takes the shampoo from her head, again closing the tap when the remaining shampoo is removed from her head and then covering herself with a layer of body wash, starting to think about a video she had watched early during the day about dimensional shifting, as it’s says, it’s shifting between alternate realities... she’s the type to give the benefit of the doubt so she tries to remember what the lady had said about the steps regarding this.

“Remembering to be in a closed area, like a shower”... “Perfect timing” she smiles to herself with the thought., then to focus, “I don’t think this will work” she thinks but tries anyway, she wonders why she is trying so hard... does she really want to leave this world? For another ‘better’ one, if there is such a thing as better... realizes that her thoughts have drifted away, she finishes her showers thinking “another time then”... Drying herself and then covering herself with towel, she heads to her bedroom, opening the closet door and taking a comfortable night outfit “cotton shorts and oversized shirt should work” she thinks, it’s not like she has to dress to impress, “who will she impress Afterall? Sleep?” She smiles to herself yet again...

She cuddles her pillow in bed, she had this habit of putting the bottom of the pillow between her legs and hugging the top of the pillow in a fetal position since she was young yet today she feels restless, she normally would just open her phone but she had a slight headache that she knew would only get worse if she opens her phone and took the radiation it provides as well as her eyes would hurt from the brightness and it was night so she would need the light, she could on the night lamp on her bed side table but she was simply too lethargic to do so she settled for going in a corpse position and staring at the ceiling thinking about life itself till sleep found her instead of pretending to sleep and closing her eyes hoping to find it...

She remembered another video about controlling your dream so she tried this, remembering the steps as she had tried it when she was young, possibly 6 or more... “close your eyes” she told the first step then “find a comfortable position” she continued, moving her bum a little before she found her desired position, “focus on what you want to dream about” she thought about a dream similar to world with supernatural creatures, “you might find yourself floating or lifted off the bed but don’t let it distract you” she reminded herself, of the exact sentence told by the boy in the video, credit to her seemingly excellent memory to remember exact situation with changes... feeling the floating sensation but focusing more about this dream or world she continues, one thing about her was her need for detail so her thought were quite details and also realistic, she also wonder with the thought that people that we dream about are people we have seen in real life, so is this place someplace she had been somewhere?... finally she found herself having the urge to open her eyes and she did,