Chapter 1
LUNAS POV
“C’mon. Don’t walk away from me,” her brother amused holler echoed through the front yard. I held my books tightly to my chest and tried like hell to avoid Nathan. When he grabbed at my arm to stop me, it took everything I had inside me to not throw my books down against the stone gate. I bit the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood and counted to ten, hoping the anger simmering inside me would calm itself before it boiled over.
I tried to be nice.
But somehow my small frame and hostile tone took over.
I erupted in annoyance “You are a pain in the ass, you know how to be my most overwhelming madness anyone could possibly comprehend!” I shook off his grip and trailed down the limestone pathway. I couldn’t believe he took off last night again doing God knows what. This morning I wake up to the sound of brewing coffee to notice his knuckles rapped in a thick cloth and his right eye disturbingly tinted in the shades black and blue.
“Jesus Christ Luna, you can’t possibly still be on this topic.” I gasp for air breathing in the fresh morning air thinking about how I am going to pass my physics assessment today, I have no time for this.
“smetti di essere infantile!” My brother repeatedly thinks of me as a child, but I am far from one, it drives me mad. My maturity is far more superior than his.
My mind wonders against violence, I began to think he would have quit this game he played after the fallout within our family. I look at it like violence, it’s a disease that corrupts all who use it, regardless of the cause. Yet he still turns his head and tastes the sweet flavor of brutality, something I could never understand.
“¡Te van a matar!” I swing my bag around to face me and fixate my actions on stuffing my books inside instead of judging the fear I felt. My hands shake not only from my small tremor’s but from my anxiety building within me. Within the seconds that I struggle with my emotions I pat down my plaid scarlet red skirt and fluff out my black cotton sweater while my right hand fixes my white collar. I find every curve of mine to be alluring and bewitching which gives me most of my confidence and courage.
Our conversation is so much more than words. We both confined in each other about our feelings until it ends up with someone getting hurt. But to my surprise Nathan leaves the discussion and heads back inside leaving me with a variety of thoughts. He balls up his fists and closed the door with as much force as possible.
There was a smaller age gap between us. 5 years. 5 years father away from understanding his feelings and 5 years closer to getting to know my own brother. If he was always so pushed away from me, I would never grasp the thought of having a closer relationship but since he hasn’t, I feel lost and confused.
To be honest I have no idea what I feel anymore but fuck it. Let me just get through this Physics test and I can deal with whatever emotions I have later and not now.
With every stride I take my mind became clearer, with the growing physical distance between my brother my thoughts wash away like the tide coming in and covering the seashells with sand. A girl on a walk, a commander of her own life and future. Well, that’s what I always wanted to believe, somehow, I don’t know if that’s the case anymore.
I pick at my mid length fingernails that were painted white. In the summer sun my hair was bleached to a lighter shade of gold; not evenly, but in streaks, leaving warm caramels in-between. Against my honeyed skin it was more beautiful than any salon-perfect “do.” But today wasn’t a day to be self-conscious, I let my hair fall behind my shoulders and, in its messiness, it was even more attractive. I glance at the silhouette of my shadow against the morning light. My grey blue eyes water from the bright sun but I wipe away any tears that fall.
Another quick 10 minutes until I can reach the bus, something I haven’t taken since I was in middle school. It’s my last year at Lockwood academy, then only God knows where I’ll go from there. I haven’t really thought about college after senior year, Nathan dropped out during his second year which I never understood why. If I just got the chance to give myself the freedom to learn by my own errors, I could school myself faster than anyone can ever teach me.
My legs felt like jelly thinking about my future. Leaving home is so bittersweet. It’s part of growing up, moving onward into new challenges. Leaving will never be easy, yet I will take these emotions with me, these memories of comfort and joy. But also, the emotions of pain and sorrow. My past might not define me, but my emotions do. I can’t make any of them leave, they only stay and take up space.
When my bus pulls up against the curb, I jump back toward the sidewalk. The gentle breeze played with my hair and pinked my cheeks. I smiled at the thought of this upcoming fall. But within that gentle breeze and cool air I could almost feel something different, just out of sorts. Not the idle traffic or the empty bus. I look back and watch around me, only I find the bus driver giving me an irritating look. I take large steps up the bus and find small section where I can sit down and rest against the laminated glass window.
I grab my phone out from the front pocket of my purse and begin to scroll through all my downloads of music onto Spotify. I pick the first playlist I could find under my liked songs and begin to tap my foot to the study music. My mind completely relaxes and for just the moment I bring myself out of the fears and irritations I have. “Jesus” I mumble to myself, what a great start to the day.
Hope you guys loved my beginning!! there is many more to come!!
Love you!!
